Ducks sign-and-trade WisNYIewski
Weird day. I had about three hours to contemplate the Ducks paying James Wisniewski $3.25 M next season before he was shipped off to the Islanders for a 3rd-round pick. And rather than write something meaningful, why not take the patented Sleek cheap way out and hide behind this cartoon?
Here's where this leaves the Ducks salary-wise, stealing extensively from Capgeek. Still, of course, missing Bobby Ryan and Teemu Selanne.
| PLAYER | CASH | CAP | YEARS | PLAYER | CASH | CAP | YEARS | |
| Corey Perry | $5.38 | $5.33 | 3 - UFA | Lubomir Visnovsky | $6.00 | $5.60 | 3 - UFA | |
| Ryan Getzlaf | $5.13 | $5.33 | 3 - UFA | Toni Lydman | $3.00 | $3.00 | 3 - UFA | |
| Joffrey Lupul | $4.25 | $4.25 | 3 - UFA | Cam Fowler |
$1.40 | $1.40 | 3 - RFA | |
| Jason Blake | $3.00 | $4.00 | 2 - UFA | Luca Sbisa |
$0.88 | $0.88 | 1 - RFA | |
| Saku Koivu | $2.50 | $2.50 | 2 - UFA | Sheldon Brookbank |
$0.70 | $0.75 | 2 - UFA | |
| Todd Marchant | $1.25 | $1.13 | 1 - UFA | Brendan Mikkelson |
$0.69 | $0.69 | 1 - RFA | |
| Aaron Voros | $0.90 | $1.00 | 1 - UFA | Danny Syvret |
$0.60 | $0.60 | 1 - RFA | |
| George Parros | $0.88 | $0.88 | 2 - UFA | Brett Festerling |
$0.53 | $0.53 | 1 - RFA | |
| Nick Bonino | $0.88 | $0.88 | 1 - RFA | |||||
| Dan Sexton | $0.75 | $0.75 | 1 - RFA | Jonas Hiller | $4.50 | $4.50 | 4 - UFA | |
| Matt Beleskey | $0.66 | $0.67 | 1 - RFA | Curtis McElhinney |
$0.57 | $0.54 | 1 - UFA | |
| Kyle Chipchura | $0.65 | $0.65 | 1 - RFA | |||||
| Ryan Carter | $0.73 | $0.63 | 1 - UFA | |||||
| Troy Bodie | $0.50 | $0.50 | 1 - RFA | Nathan Oystrick Buyout | $0.20 | $0.20 | 2 | |
| 14 F, 8 D, 2 G | $46.49 | $47.14 | ||||||
| Top 12 F, 6 D, 2 G | $44.14 | $44.89 |
For the Ducks, the "CASH" columns matter much more than the "CAP" columns, and it's worth noting that there are about $900k in performance bonuses included in these numbers, $500k on Fowler's contract alone. There's definitely money to spend and plenty of cheap contracts that could be used in a trade -- Ducks seem remarkably set to deal from strength with an over-the-cap team. We can finally do a reverse-Mathieu-Schneider!
Either that or Scott Niedermayer surprises us all with his annual un-retirement. That'd be awesome.
Feel free to add your reaction in the comments -- I'll write more about it later.
Go Ducks.
High Holy Days
Not being a religious man, I don't get to share in all the fun and excitement of stuff like Ramadan, Hanukkah, or Lent. However, I have something a million times better:
SHARK WEEK!

It starts Sunday, August 1st, and it's going to be awesome. The link is here for all the details about exciting shows like "Air Jaws 3" and "Shark Attack Survival Guide" (good luck, fucker).
No matter what hockey team you like best, you've got to admit that Shark Week is much better than Duck Week or King Week.
Please join me in celebrating the wonders of the sea, science, and giant monster sharks biting the hell out of people.
* * *
Changing gears, the Sharks (the hockey team, not the animal) website has an interesting fan poll up: which player would you want taking a critical penalty shot in the last seconds of the game?
I would choose Pavelski, since for whatever reason most of the big-money players on the Sharks never deliver in shootouts.
Please leave your votes and your Shark Week prayers in the comments.
Fowlers for Algernon
Woo hoo! The Ducks signed somebody yesterday, though his name isn't Selanne, Ryan, or Wisniewski. Cam Fowler signed a 3-year entry-level contract, perhaps a sign that the 12th-overall pick is going to be fast-tracked to the big leagues. Anaheim Calling has a more serious post on the subject here.
First off, I should note that I am vaguely optimistic about this kid -- I don't really know that much about Fowler's abilities or the likelihood that he sticks on the big club this season, but I do like that he's being given an opportunity to prove himself early. Lord knows the Anaheim blueline is a pretty weird mess of non-Niedermayers and non-Prongers right now, and it would considerably help if one of Sbisa, Mikkelson, or Fowler made a big leap forward in their development cycle.
But because I'm insensitive and a horrible punster, I've decided to skip out on the traditional Fowler signing story and instead I'm adapting it to the format and style of an already-existing novel. Of course Cam Fowler isn't really mentally challenged (I hope), but you see, it's a pun-based metaphor -- the quality of his writing style represents his progression towards NHL readiness, or something like that.
Here's the first excerpt, before any real treatment from Dr. Niedermayer:
* * *
FOWLERS FOR ALGERNON
A completely non-original story of Cam Fowler’s rapid ascent to the big leagues
progris riport 1 julie 22
Dr Needrmayer says I shoud rite down what I think and remembir and evrey thing that happins to me from now on. I dont no why but he says its importint so they will see if the ducks can use me on there bloo line. I hope they use me becaus Mr Murry says mabye they can make me into a nhl star. I want to be nhl star.
My name is Cam Fowler I play in Winsor team where I paly defense man. I tolld dr Needermyer and Mr murry I cant rite good but he says it dont matter he says I shud rite just like I talk, so I will try to remembir things that happin to me...yrs truly Cam Fowler.
progris riport 2-jooly 28
I had a test today. I think I faled it and I think mabye now they wont use me. What happind is I went to Mr Murrys office like they said and my ajent took me in a room with onley a desk and chares. And a nice man was in one of the rooms and he had some papers. He sed sit down Cam and make yourself cunfortible and rilax. I dint know what he was gonna do and I was holding on tite to the chare like sometimes when I go to a dentist but he kept telling me to rilax and that gets me skared because it always means its gonna hert.
The ajent says to sine the contrack, so I rite Fowler on the paper, but he gets mad and ses that I did it rong, way to big. He calls the secertary to make a new contrack and shoes me were to put Fowler on a line this time.
I dont think I passd the contrack test.
Battle of California still remembers you Pro Beach Hockey. Loved the banked end zones and beachside viewing. Who wasn't a Los Angeles Salsa fan?
PS - I think that is Rudy at the 52 second mark. I might be wrong.
Season Review: Alex Frolov
I feel old. I bought hangers the other day. I've bought sheets. I've bought those little cling things you throw in the dryer. I didn't know who Justin Bieber was until a month ago when I head Kevin & Bean talking about him. I wear shoes more than I wear sandals. I wear a tie. The last album I purchased was Jackson Browne's Runnin' on Empty. I found my first gray hair. I don't really go to the movies anymore and when I do I complain that it's too cold in there and why isn't that asshole putting his phone away and I glare at the little kid who can't stay still for 2 hours when I'm trying to watch some cowboy movie. (The only movies I seem to like now are Westerns, I don't know why.) I didn't think that little kid smoking was funny; instead, I wondered aloud, "Why hasn't Child Services taken that kid away?"
I agree with my dad a lot now.
At the same time, I'm still basically a kid. When I bought my hangers I also bought one of those tubs of Sour Patch Kids, then I ate them all in like 2 days and walked around with my mouth open because it hurt too much to touch my teeth together. I really want to see Toy Story 3. A dog walks by and my world stops. The album I purchased before Jackson Browne was Andrew WK. My favorite foods are hot dogs and pizza. I still throw tantrums.
I think the trick is that I'm ostensibly an adult but all my experiences and memories connect me to when I was a kid. I can process new experiences like an adult, but then I"ll see Ace Ventura: Pet Detective or read Calvin & Hobbes and I'm immediately 8 years old again. I'll be at work and then Basket Case will come on and I feel the same way I did when I was 7. And I'll watch Alexander Frolov play and I'm immediately 16 again.
72 comments | 2 recs |
Outside the Box: Why not go the distance with B-Ry?
And so the offseason of waiting continues. Waiting for Kovalchuk's UFA decision. Waiting for the NHL to reject that contract. Waiting for the NHLPA to file a grievance. Waiting for that grievance to be resolved by an arbiter. And once that saga is settled, waiting for the rest of the free agent dominoes to fall.
As for the Anaheim Ducks specifically, we have our own issues we're waiting on -- waiting for Teemu, waiting for B-Ry, waiting for Wisniewski, and hopefully waiting for some domino moves on the blueline beyond that. Now I'm a pretty patient dude these days -- I know there's no meaningful games scheduled until October -- but I still did want to write a crazy think-piece about the RFA negotiations with Bobby Ryan, as they seem to be going nowhere lately.
Now I should note that I'm a pretty bad blogger -- I haven't followed the back-and-forth between B-Ry and Barstool Bob very carefully, but as I understand it we're stuck in a dispute about contract years, not money. B-Ry seems comfortable enough with a $5M-or-so cap hit to keep him in the Getzlaf-Perry neighborhood, but the Ducks want to sign Bobby for five years, covering 2 potential years of UFA paydays; Bobby and his agent apparently want just a 3-year deal, letting him hit the UFA waters alongside Getzlaf and Perry.
Now probably we're at an impasse because both sides are considering one of the two options, and that's probably fine, but I wanted to throw a third crazy option out there: why not try to sign B-Ry to a lifetime contract? There might be a solution there that could meet both parties' needs.

How 'bout it, B-Ry? Wanna commit some of your old man years?
Now I know that there's a huge amount of risk in lifetime deals, and generally I'm opposed to them, but there's a few things to consider here:
1. The window for signing lifetime contracts is probably closing very soon. I think this loophole closes during the next CBA negotiation. You can probably get away with this sort of thing this summer and next, who knows beyond that?
2. There is risk in signing a lifetime deal for sure, but the Ducks wouldn't bear it alone -- plenty of prominent teams have already put themselves at risk with similar signings, and I doubt the NHL will burn all of them. The risk is mitigated because of teams like Detroit, New Jersey, Chicago, and Philadelphia -- I believe the league will allow an out from the awful years at the end of a contract.
3. Lifetime contracts should only be used for special players, and I think Bobby Ryan qualifies. Other than this contract holdout, there's really been very few question marks about the kid's mindset or his ability to play. He's young, talented, improving, and for-the-moment popular; he certainly is a decent candidate for a lifetime deal -- at least the best candidate we'll see negotiating contracts in the short term.
4. A lifetime contract for B-Ry (at least the way I'm imagining it) does not guarantee that B-Ry finishes the contract as a Duck. In fact, I think the contract can be structured so that it's probably unlikely that he does. I'll expand on that after the jump.
NHL Sliders
(The nerd train is now departing the station. All aboard!)
"What if you found a portal to a parallel National Hockey League? What if you could Slide into a thousand different hockey worlds? Where it's the same year, and you're the same person, and the Maple Leafs are still terrible, but everything else is different. And what if you can't find your way home?"
SLIDERS!
No, wait, fuck...
There we go! NHL SLIDERS!
I'll be Professor Maximillian Arturo, blustering physics genius, Rudy can be Rembrant Lee "Crying Man" Brown, racist caricature extraordinaire, and Earl can be Quinn Mallory, the effeminate nerd who spends all his time playing video games. The part of the girl is up for grabs - I vote for Spade.
A full list of exciting episodes can be found after the jump!
77 comments | 2 recs |






by 
by 
by 



































