Anaheim Ducks (1st alphabetically) at Detroit Red Wings (1st in standings points), 4:30 pm
Anaheim Calling and Winging It In Motown -- coverage of the winter non-classic!

So, the Red Wings have won 18 straight home games? This looks like a job for Mario! (Or perhaps, I'm just lazy today.) :)

From the 2007 playoffs.

Actually, it may be a job for Ryan Getzlaf -- not sure the Ducks can bust this streak without some useful offense out of their captain.

Continue reading this post »

There are two things you need to know to understand today's post:

1) There's a chance we could lose part or all of the next NHL season to a lockout. No fan wants that to happen but it's a grim possibility.

2) I am soon going to be very very wealthy. Once I conclude my business with Mr. Peter CHANG Lee I will be receiving 50 percent of 19 millions, 5 hundred thousand United State dollars. My calculator tells me that equals: LOW BATT.

Wait, no. Hold on.

$9,750,000. That's how much money I'll be getting from this deal. And if I somehow manage to NOT spend it all on jet skis and cocaine, I can't imagine a better use for the money than starting my own hockey team.

So even though I don't think the NHL is going to be dumb enough to lose another season to a lockout (knock on graphite composite) let's assume for a moment that the worst happens. No NHL in 2012-2013. All those NHL players unemployed.

And me, with 9 million dollars to spend and a blistering cocaine high.

Let's make a hockey team!

Continue reading this post »

(*Heavy breathing)

(*Heavy breathing)

"Yeah yeah yeah!"

(*Heavy breathing)

"Nice pass."

"Wheel wheel wheel!"

(*Heavy breathing)

"C'mon, boys!"

(*Heavy breathing)

Continue reading this post »

Carolina Hurricanes (4th worst) at Anaheim Ducks (3rd worst), 7 pm
Canes Country and Anaheim Calling -- Lottery bloggery.

Forget the post title pun -- I'd just better hurry up and post this thing before the network crashes again.

Stormy is easier to draw than a personified hurricane. :)

Who knows if the NHL is really headed towards lockout-ville again next season? I can't rightly say, but at least the possibility is open -- may as well cartoon about it while I can.

After the jump, an actual NHL team employee writes me an e-mail (and it's not a cease-and-desist letter)!

Continue reading this post »

Trade deadline! February 27th!

The Roomors are everywhere!

After spending hours researching all the most authoritative inside sources, I've put together three possible trades the Sharks might make before the deadline. I won't include any trades that are obviously bogus, so you can trust that I believe all of these are realistic possibilities that would benefit both teams.

#1

To Sharks: Jeff Carter

To Blue Jackets: Antero Niittymaki, third-round pick in 2013.

Why it works for the Blue Jackets: Once the team finally succeeds in killing Steve Mason, which is apparently what they are trying to do this year, they'll have another goalie they can start tormenting.

Why it works for the Sharks: The Sharks are searching for another top-six scorer, but this is a lean year in that regard so they'd be willing to settle for Carter. San Jose wouldn't really mind Carter's lengthy contract because after the 13-14 season the team will consist of only three guys. And, finally, sending Nitty to Columbus would be a nice reward for him after all his patience and good nature this season.

Continue reading this post »

Man oh man, this is pretty awesome. Hockey-Reference (which is fantastic) allows you to sponsor player pages, right? Well, I pinched a few pennies here and there and I was able to purchase a page. Not just any page, mind you; I purchased the page of the greatest, smartest, most pirate-y player of all time. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...

KELLY HRUDEY'S PLAYER PAGE!!!!

Yep, now this very website will stand alongside Kelly Hrudey for the rest of time until October 11th of this year, as a testament to his greatness and forti... wait, what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK???

Dwayne Roloson? Better than Kelly Hrudey??? You gotta be Goddamn shitting me. That prehistoric fuck is the worst. Fuck it, new post:

Dwayne Roloson: History's Greatest Villain

Continue reading this post »

Don't miss Earl's Fantasy Hockey Ducks Gameday Below This Post!

If you don't know what the hell is going on here, please read parts 1 and 2.

Owen Nolan has an announcement scheduled for Tuesday night. Some people speculate he's going to announce his formal retirement, but I'm kind of worried he's going to announce that he's suing me for my half of the 19 millions United State dollars that I'm going to get using his name.

I might be in trouble.

Anyways, when I last updated you guys I had just given my information to Mr. Peter CHANG Lee for the second time, including a phone number he could call if he liked listening to a phone ring forever with no one ever answering.

He replied very quickly, obviously as eager as I am to finish this deal. I'm so close to the money now I can taste it.

It tastes like a jet ski.

Continue reading this post »

Calgary Flames (afire) at Anaheim Ducks (afowl), 7 pm
Matchsticks & Gasoline and Anaheim Calling -- in case you follow Reality Hockey.

Good news -- I finished up The Wire, so I can stop being consumed by that series. Bad news -- because of that, I didn't have anything planned for today's post. But hey -- nobody's done one of these updates in a while!

Battle of California Fantasy League Update: Week 17

(Note: because of the All-Star Break, this past fantasy week actually lasted two weeks, but I'm still going to refer to everything as "last week".)

Featured Matchup: Teal Blades at spades lil bandito's -- Spade wins 9-6!

MVP: Tomas Vokoun and Niklas Backstrom -- without either Bandito co-manager touching the roster, these two goalies kicked some ass last week. A combined 4-1 record with a 1.83 GAA and a .938 sv%, plus each guy added a shutout. Honorable mention to Nashville's Mike Fisher -- he had a surprising 6 goals, a category Spade lost, but an amazing 4 game-winning goals, a category Spade won.

LVP: No glaring weakness in the Teal Blade results, but Evgeni Nabokov and Michael Neuvirth weren't enough to keep up with the Bandito tandem.

Not sure this really should have been the featured matchup, but Spade's in last place. Let's throw him a bone.

Continue reading this post »