A Little Something to Cheer Us All Up

Things have been rough today, what with Lubo getting traded and Dan Cloutier being the worst person in the entire world and all. So, to cheer us up, I present to you a delicious and completely plausible rumor from Boston.com:

Mathieu Schneider

for...

FOR...

wait for it....

Glen Murray!!!!

Because why wouldn't the Ducks want to trade their talented offensive defenseman (39 points last year) for a broken-down forward (30 points last year) with little-to-no value outside of his shot? Because, dumbshit, the Ducks would get salary relief! To the tune of $1.51 million dollars! How could you pass this up?!? I need to stop yelling!

My favorite part of the article is when he claims that obtaining Murray would help replace the hole left by Todd Bertuzzi. Because it's true, Glen Murray would do an excellent job replacing Todd Bertuzzi because he's old, slow, and overpaid.

I would literally rather trade Mathieu Schneider for air than for Glen Murray. If were Brian Burke, I'd rather shoot Mathieu Schneider into the Sun and break Jonas Hiller's fingers with a claw hammer than trade for Glen Murray. Glen Murray has negative value. He is more damaging to a team's playoff chances than this blog is to my chances of getting laid. If any team is trading for Glen Murray, there better be a pretty low draft pick coming along with him. To paraphrase Jeffrey Ross, I wouldn't trade for Glen Murray with Anaheim's dick.