Sharks Gameday: Who Ya Gonna Call?

by Mike Chen on Jan 10, 2009 10:51 AM PST Comment 21 comments

San Jose Sharks (30-5-5) at Vancouver Canucks (22-16-5), 7 PM PST

(Apologies to Canucks fans. This is a little snarky, but come on, this Sundin hysteria made it all too easy.)

On the first game, Mats said, "Let there be Steve Bernier." And there was, and Bernier scored two goals, and it was good.

On the second game, Mats said, "Let there be points for me." And there wasn't, only a -1 and two PIMs, and it was bad. So bad, in fact, that Mats was in the penalty box for a critical goal. It was not just bad, it was awful, and Mats was upset. How could this happen? He was, after all, the Second Coming, or at least the greatest thing since sliced bread, right?

The natives are restless in Vancouver. After all, it's been two games (one home and one away) and the Greatest Hockey Player In The History Of Time, Space, And Matter hasn't scored. Nay, he hasn't even had a damn assist, though Mats Sundin got on the scoresheet in the PIMs column.

If you remember, this is the guy that told Roberto Luongo to go forth with the Ten Commandments. He also has multiple arms to hold up the world and I think is some sort of jolly zen master in his spare time. Oh, and most importantly, Tom Cruise thinks he's absolutely brilliant and in no way glib or evil.

But no, it's not quite like that. It's fire and brimstone, or as a wise man named Peter Venkman put it:

What wound up left on the cutting room floor? "Dogs and cats LIVING together, Alexei Semenov playing forward and trying to fight..."

Dear God, erm, Mats...Semenov IS playing forward. And Mats HAS arrived on the scene, so something, something biblical MUST be happening, right?

Prediction: Sharks...oh, who cares, they'll just be happy to be on the same ice as the Chosen One.

Wait a minute. There's another scene from Ghostbusters that we should paraphrase...

Patrick Marleau: "Are you a God?"

Mats Sundin: "Uh...no."

Patrick Marleau: "Then...DIE!" (Scores 896 goals with 895 assists by Joe Thornton and one assist by Dan Boyle)

Pavol Demitra: "Mats, when someone asks if you're a god, you say YES!"

Prediction: Sharks 896, Canucks 3. All goals by Marleau. Canucks bring out the Stay-Puft Marshmellow Man (a surprise appearance by Keith Tkachuk) but time runs out before he can do anything.

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Prediction: Sharks 896, Canucks 3.

What, no shutout? Where’s your imagination, Mike?

http://www.battleofcali.com/

by Earl Sleek on Jan 10, 2009 11:20 AM PST reply actions 0 recs

Stay-Puft scores for the Canucks.

by Mike Chen on Jan 10, 2009 11:54 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

So Mats Sundin is the older, more Swedish version of ~~Sidney Crosby~~ John Tavares?

Devils in my heart! Devils in my mind! Devils in my eyes! Devils until I die!

by John Fischer on Jan 10, 2009 12:14 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

What’s sad is that score is entirely possible. This league needs a mercy rule.

by Yankee Canuck on Jan 10, 2009 12:51 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

A mercy rule? Pretty soon “they’re gonna start giving out miniature Stanley Cup trophies to all the teams who didn’t make the playoffs”

;)

Fear The Fin: Where The Second Round Is Overrated

by Mr. Plank on Jan 10, 2009 1:09 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

eek!

then we’ll know California’s PC craziness has gone global. please let that NEVER happen!

Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?

by ang6666 on Jan 10, 2009 1:32 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Awesome write up Mike.

With all the Sundin and Burke hype, you wouldn’t even know there’s been actual hockey going on. Other than some comments from Sean Avery the commish didn’t want his kids to hear.

It takes a big man to cry and it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man. -Jamie Baker

by Lurker Shark on Jan 10, 2009 1:16 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

I second Lurker Shark- awesome article Mike.

For all my gaming bretheren (wow, that room cleared out fast), the Ghostbusters videogame should be dropping sometime this year. It includes actual voice acting as well. Should be sa-weet.

Fear The Fin: Where The Second Round Is Overrated

by Mr. Plank on Jan 10, 2009 1:22 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

Supposed to be out in June.

I’m really looking forward to that one. http://www.gametrailers.com/player/43329.html for anyone who hasn’t seen it yet.

It takes a big man to cry and it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man. -Jamie Baker

by Lurker Shark on Jan 10, 2009 1:35 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

I'm with you Plank...

I should be done exploring Fallout 3 by then. Anyone else played the Ghostbuster-themed LittleBigPlanet levels?

by Mike Chen on Jan 10, 2009 2:27 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

I’m just getting done with The Orange Box (yes, pathetic considering the length of time it’s been out), but Fallout 3 is next on the que. It’s been waiting patiently in my living room since Monday.

I have a 360, but played LBG on my brother’s PS3 during Christmas. Great game. Didn’t get a chance to see those Ghostbusters levels, though.

Any other games that are top on your radar? Orange Box, Mass Effect and Left 4 Dead have been taking up a lot of my current time…….

Fear The Fin: Where The Second Round Is Overrated

by Mr. Plank on Jan 11, 2009 1:20 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Hilarious!

but but but … not Stay-Puft!

Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?

by ang6666 on Jan 10, 2009 1:33 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

Ghostbusters references ftw!

resident cartoonist @ couchtarts.blogspot.com

by CTGray on Jan 10, 2009 1:57 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

Am I the only one...

… to like Ghostbusters II better than the original? I’m pretty sure I am. The first Ghostbusters movie scarred me for life. My sister took me to see it at the movies when it first came out, and I was excited that it was the first time I got to go to the movies without my mom. And a few minutes into it, I got so scared my sister had to call my mom to pick me up. I wasn’t able to watch it again until I was probably 20. Strangely enough, it was the librarian scene that did me in. And I became a librarian.

And stranger still, Mats Sundin gives me the same chills. And not in a good way. That dude creeps me out big time.

by schtimpy27 on Jan 10, 2009 9:55 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

mommy

Sundin is a god. He’s just a rusty god. You’ll eat your words soon.
I wouldn’t count the Canucks out in this one. But I don’t hold on to much of a hope either.
Maybe somebody can hurt Patrick Marleau. That would be sweet.

by Zanstorm on Jan 10, 2009 3:32 PM PST reply actions 0 recs

Maybe somebody can hurt Patrick Marleau. That would be sweet.

Seconded.

It would be even sweeter if that somebody was Joe Thornton.

http://www.battleofcali.com/

by Earl Sleek on Jan 10, 2009 4:34 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

God, that’d be something. How about if Thornton injured Marleau after Marleau injured Cheechoo?

Fuck you, Denis Gauthier

by Kevin Y on Jan 10, 2009 8:30 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

I think Semenov’s slap shot from the point might be due to knock someone out- sure he’s been playing forward lately, but it’s only a matter of time till he’s out of position camping at the blueline.

He hit Grier in the head earlier this year……

Fear The Fin: Where The Second Round Is Overrated

by Mr. Plank on Jan 11, 2009 1:22 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs

now now boys! play nice!

Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?

by ang6666 on Jan 11, 2009 4:48 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs

Reminds me of "I Am America (And So Can You!)"

Where Stephen predicts future Super Bowls.

2014:
Miami Dolphins 3,340
Dallas Cowboys 0

and then in the footnotes clarifies

Just for the record, this game was a lot closer than the score indicates

by brokenyard on Jan 11, 2009 12:46 AM PST reply actions 0 recs

Standing-"Oh No You Didn't"

If Canucks fans are going to give Sundin that kind of standing ovation for his first goal, I think they need to aspire a little higher for their hockey club.

by sfguy808 on Jan 12, 2009 11:31 AM PST reply actions 0 recs