Ducks Gameday -- The Shaolin Returns
Columbus Blue Jackets (5-3-0, 10 pts) at Anaheim Ducks (3-4-1, 7 pts), 7 pm
Get fired up at The Cannon, get dialed in at Anaheim Calling.
Poise, character, chemistry, confidence -- whatever you want to call it, the Anaheim Ducks have lost their kung fu. The patterns that haunted their preseason have repeated themselves through 8 games of regular season play, and a particularly painful stretch of games has dropped them well behind the pack in the west.
Last post I took the pessimistic route through choral music -- this time I'm going to be a bit more optimistic through movies. Don't worry, though -- I'm not turning to Disney today; instead it's time to take overseas inspiration from Stephen Chow. You see, even though the Ducks have been thoroughly humiliated in their showings thus far, it can't persist -- the shaolin is still somewhere inside of them, I know it. And while they have been brutalized by their opponents thus far, it's precisely in those shameful moments that the cool breeze of clarity swoops in.
Yeah, opponents have draped their underwear unceremoniously on the Ducks' head, and are pointing and laughing -- all we can do is hang our heads in shame. But be warned, the clouds are shifting -- the kung fu is coming back. In a frozen moment, the fire will re-ignite -- a pathetic group of laughable losers will magically transform into an elite group of oddly-talented superstars.
Too much Positivity? Perhaps. But that's the beauty of Shaolin Soccer -- if you've never seen it, I definitely recommend it, one of the most hilarious movies of all time. I'll warn you, though -- there's multiple parts of the storyline that flat-out don't make any sense, and it's the type of movie that can be concurrently awesome and awful at the same time. If you're lenient enough about the plot, it's fantastic, though -- cheers me up every time.
* * *
It's been more than seven months since my heart was ripped out and sent to Chicago, but after much delay, Sammy Pahlsson finally will complete the soul-shattering and play a game against the Ducks. Because of injuries before his trade, Sammy last played a game in Anaheim January 28, and even though I'm likely to burst into tears, good to see him back. Bless your Swedish backchecking heart, Sammy -- hope you're appreciated in Columbus.
* * *
A quick note about fighting and momentum -- since the season opener, George Parros and Mike Brown have participated in two fights apiece. In G2 at Minnesota, Parros lost a fight, and the Wild scored 4 minutes later to begin their comeback. Against St. Louis two games ago, Brown fought Crombeen, and the Blues scored 2 minutes later to make the game 5-0. Last game, both Parros and Brown fought -- the Stars scored their first goal 1:37 after Parros' fight and their second goal 1:15 after Brown's. C'mon, boys -- if you're going to drop 'em, make it matter.
* * *
Prediction: Time freezes midway through the first as the Ducks finally get their Shaolin wake-up call. Ducks 5, Jackets 2. Goals by Iron Head, Hooking Leg, Little Brother, and Mighty Steel Leg x2. Iron Shirt is penalized for closing his stomach on the puck.
Go Ducks.
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But be warned, the clouds are shifting — the kung fu is coming back. In a frozen moment, the fire will re-ignite — a pathetic group of laughable losers will magically transform into an elite group of oddly-talented superstars.
Haha — I’m imagining that your lips are saying this in Chinese, but a dubbed over voice with an accent is translating into English.
Here’s to the Ducks getting their kung fu back tonight.
Yeah, I’m sort of against dubbing generally, but this clip had very little dialogue and I couldn’t find one subtitled with the right “starting point”.
The subtitled English for Shaolin Soccer is laughably bad, though, at least on the copy I’ve got — they refer to the coach repeatedly as “the lame”, rather than something traditional like “the cripple”.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
I think a perfect description of the difference between us is that you like Stephen Chow and I like Tony Jaa.
The West Coast is the Best Coast.
Is that the Ong Bak guy? I saw that movie very wasted, mostly I just remember a tree climbing contest and some vicious elbows to the head.
But yeah, Stephen Chow has me regularly in stitches.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
by Earl Sleek on Oct 24, 2009 9:56 AM PDT via mobile up reply actions
I’m suprized with you Earl, not giving Pahlsson a goal in your prediction.
UNRELATED: Handel is the most overrated composer ever...
by Bleys on Oct 24, 2009 10:12 AM PDT via mobile reply actions
I hope we find our chi.
That clip was hilarious, i will have to watch the full movie.
If they dont win maybe there next practice should look like this .
hooked on quack
I almost gave up on buying tickets to the games until I saw some effort on their parts. The 3rd period showing from the last game, along with a killer deal on lower level seats(my first time!) convinced me I had to go to this game. I may contemplate making a sign saying “the kung fu is coming back” but we shall see.
I deliver high-quality H2O
Nice — make sure to clap extra for me when they do the Pahlsson remembrance clip at the first TV timeout.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
I’ll help with that as well. Where you sitting Waterboy? I’ll be 5 rows behind the visiting goal.
UNRELATED: Handel is the most overrated composer ever...
by Bleys on Oct 24, 2009 2:32 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions
I love Shaolin Soccer, awesomely funny movie. Kung Fu Hustle was also great.
Lol, just kidding. This post was a complete lie.
Yeah, Kung Fu Hustle is much easier to show to other people — it has a pretty followable storyline with easily identifiable gangs. It gets silly, also, and is definitely awesome.
But in my heart, I’m a Shaolin guy. Yeah, it’s got its issues for sure, but whoever digitized a soccer ball for special effects is a genius. And I’m a sucker for all the brothers — Iron Head is fantastic.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
Prediction: Time freezes midway through the first as the Ducks finally get their Shaolin wake-up call.
I hope it happens this early. It sucks waiting until the third period to watch the Ducks play.
If they dont come out strong, I’m gonna change the fucking channel and watch Lifetime. I’d rather watch girls being bitches, then men being bitches! ya, thats directed towards the Ducks, pick your balls up, put em’ in your pocket and play some hard hitting, fore and backchecking, in your face hockey damnit!
hooked on quack
Yeah I bet Mason wants that back. He’s been very human all year.
If consequences dictate the course of action, then it doesn't matter what's right, it's only wrong if you get caught. If consequences dictate the course of action, then I should play God...
by Fehr and Balanced on Oct 24, 2009 7:26 PM PDT up reply actions
I think all three of Lupul’s goals this year have had some degree of luck to them — but hey, the positive is that (a) they’re playing on both ends, and (b) attempting shots.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
amen brotha
i have metal balls that make a clanging sound when i walk
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Oct 24, 2009 7:57 PM PDT up reply actions
Great effort Perry. Textbook 2 on 1 execution.
If consequences dictate the course of action, then it doesn't matter what's right, it's only wrong if you get caught. If consequences dictate the course of action, then I should play God...
by Fehr and Balanced on Oct 24, 2009 7:26 PM PDT reply actions
You can never really count on Perry for the “right” play, but that’s sort of his charm — it looks silly when he flubs a pass-shot but it looks awesome other times when he makes a d-man guess wrong. I won’t gripe too bad about that one — part of his slippery offensive game.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
Yeah I know. I just need Getzlaf and Selanne to light it up for fantasy purposes so I’ve got no interest in seeing Perry dick around on a 2 on 1.
If consequences dictate the course of action, then it doesn't matter what's right, it's only wrong if you get caught. If consequences dictate the course of action, then I should play God...
by Fehr and Balanced on Oct 24, 2009 7:32 PM PDT up reply actions
we like that perry dicks around
i have metal balls that make a clanging sound when i walk
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Oct 24, 2009 7:52 PM PDT up reply actions
as a whole they look kinda of sketchy. But at least their sketchily keeping it in the offensive zone, and getting decent shots.
hooked on quack
Yeah, they’re still awkward as hell, but I think Lupul riding shotgun on that line makes a lot of sense.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
hard not to not like that 2nd line..please for the love of gawd work out
i have metal balls that make a clanging sound when i walk
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Oct 24, 2009 7:58 PM PDT up reply actions
I haven’t seen much of him this year, but I think he’s looked alright. I definitely don’t think Hiller has looked good enough to get the Lion’s share of the PT.
If consequences dictate the course of action, then it doesn't matter what's right, it's only wrong if you get caught. If consequences dictate the course of action, then I should play God...
by Fehr and Balanced on Oct 24, 2009 7:32 PM PDT up reply actions
He’s been generally very good this year, save for the bad period in Minnesota (and I didn’t see anything from his Blues performance).
I will say this on behalf of Giguere, though — I believe this is the fourth appearance of the year for Giguere, and now this will be the second period in which the Ducks in front of him have scored a goal. He’s had terrible offensive support.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
That’s what it has looked like to me as well. I figured maybe he shat himself when I wasn’t watching, though.
If consequences dictate the course of action, then it doesn't matter what's right, it's only wrong if you get caught. If consequences dictate the course of action, then I should play God...
by Fehr and Balanced on Oct 24, 2009 7:38 PM PDT up reply actions
Welcome home, Sammy! BOOM!
Boynton might become my new favorite player just by collision osmosis.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
fo sho…like i was telling u…i cant belive this is the same team…we play like that…were gonna win some games
howd u guys like my bland typical sportscaster talk…am i a shoo-in?
i have metal balls that make a clanging sound when i walk
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Oct 24, 2009 7:54 PM PDT up reply actions
Scoresheet says CBJ 9, ANA 8, but when Ducks end a period ahead I stop caring about shots.
Kind of. :)
http://www.battleofcali.com/
eerie how u called the boyton thing..i mean its not over…but still eerie
i have metal balls that make a clanging sound when i walk
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Oct 24, 2009 7:55 PM PDT up reply actions
Hey, when you write as much as I do, something’s bound to look good eventually.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
also my style of writing..keep writing till somthing sticks or people get it
i have metal balls that make a clanging sound when i walk
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Oct 24, 2009 7:58 PM PDT up reply actions
i read that too. we had more quality chances, and got one in. that might of been our best first period all season.
hooked on quack
Yeah, the home game vs. MInnesota the Ducks were up 2-0, but that was more about bad lapses by the Wild, plus two amazing plays by patient Perry.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
ooh patient perry goals…im still waiting for another of those babies
i have metal balls that make a clanging sound when i walk
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Oct 24, 2009 7:59 PM PDT up reply actions
And also, deserves to be mentioned — a period without a single penalty, either way.
That has to be a real oddity for the postlockout Ducks.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
just happy to see the aggressive forecheck..even if we lose..i can still jizz my shorts over the first period…hey im trying to be positive
i have metal balls that make a clanging sound when i walk
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Oct 24, 2009 7:56 PM PDT up reply actions
Nope, board’s showing 9-8 Columbus. We had way better pressure though.
UNRELATED: Handel is the most overrated composer ever...
by Bleys on Oct 24, 2009 7:58 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions
where our great ladies grace and sk…doesnt sk still comment from the game thru her phone?
i have metal balls that make a clanging sound when i walk
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Oct 24, 2009 8:00 PM PDT reply actions
Mikkelson might be the object of my mancrush now…
i have metal balls that make a clanging sound when i walk
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Oct 24, 2009 8:18 PM PDT up reply actions
Oof — after a harsh end to that PK, some solid chances off Finnish sticks there.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
brookbank mountain…i cant stop giggling at that….tee-hee
i have metal balls that make a clanging sound when i walk
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Oct 24, 2009 8:10 PM PDT reply actions
Damn, Ducks. Time to push again.
That one was tough luck — probably to offset Lupul’s goal.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
crapola
i have metal balls that make a clanging sound when i walk
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Oct 24, 2009 8:17 PM PDT reply actions
Oh yeah, that’s what Pahlsson PKing looks like.
But then — wow! Getzlaf!
http://www.battleofcali.com/
They’re checking the Shaolin kicking motion of commodore
by Arthur from Anaheim Calling on Oct 24, 2009 8:22 PM PDT up reply actions
Oof. That’s a tough one for Giggy.
If consequences dictate the course of action, then it doesn't matter what's right, it's only wrong if you get caught. If consequences dictate the course of action, then I should play God...
by Fehr and Balanced on Oct 24, 2009 8:24 PM PDT reply actions
Mason, you bastard!
Great 4-on-4, though. Urgency looks so weird in a Ducks uniform.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
Giguere’s getting less and less excusable on each of these.
So far, he’s shown a bad snowball trend — let one in, and he’s not the same goalie after that.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
Of the many ways Jakub Voracek has screwed us . . .
he’s also the reason we drafted Logan MacMillan, and thus the reason MacMillan is a likely bust.
by Arthur from Anaheim Calling on Oct 24, 2009 8:37 PM PDT reply actions
Yeah, I guess, but it’s not seeming to matter too much — we’re still sitting on one home win against Minny (barely).
Something’s gotta improve in front of the net, and generally in the entire d-zone. Too many breakouts have us instantly backtracking.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
So Sharks won (yay!) … Kings won (shrugs) … are the Ducks going to let BoC down and not win their game today? (not that I’m cheering them on of course – but still)
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality? (boycott Hollywood!)
by ang6666 on Oct 24, 2009 8:52 PM PDT reply actions
don’t forget to teach your daughter to play hockey
by Arthur from Anaheim Calling on Oct 24, 2009 9:09 PM PDT up reply actions
Makes sense. I guess she’d be spotted as a girl with a boy’s name at any event where Finland is well represented
by Arthur from Anaheim Calling on Oct 24, 2009 9:13 PM PDT up reply actions
wow! you guys tied it up huh?
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality? (boycott Hollywood!)
by ang6666 on Oct 24, 2009 9:13 PM PDT reply actions
Yeah, we probably do, but it’s never something I’ve worried that much about — I’ve seen awful Ducks teams that were great at faceoffs.
Sure, I’d like to win them, but I can’t read a whole lot out of percentages. I dunno — on my list of hockey priorities, faceoffs probably rank too low.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
Getzlaf claims he’s working on it. Koivu, Marchant and Carter are generally very good, and Christensen is capable. Also, they have new faceoff rules this year so I assume everyone’s adjusting
by Arthur from Anaheim Calling on Oct 24, 2009 9:25 PM PDT up reply actions
Great — the longest legally on-sides shot possible goes in, and hurts Giguere, too?
Ugh.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
The guy should not be claiming anything is 100% when he’s one jerky move away from dropping like that.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
offense looked better. some unlucky bounces. average or just below goaltending. not clearing opposing team from in front of our net. and another lose. fuck. and I really had a good feeling about this game.
hooked on quack
Shots in that third were 18-10 Ducks, but when you’re cursed, you’re cursed — the most harmless of shots not only goes in, but cripples the goalie.
But still, this game was lost in the second period.
Much better than last game, which was much better than the game before that, but still — barely a win at home, and every western conference opponent’s getting two points from Anaheim — Minnesota just did it over two games. The hole we’re digging is getting pretty fucking deep. Thank god Burkie didn’t deal away our first-rounder.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
Possibly the most amazing thing? It took only nine games for this year’s Ducks team to have a worse record than last year’s team, who started the year 1-5.
But I guess I can take some heart — this loss wasn’t the same as New York or St. Louis or Dallas. I did get some extended looks at the Ducks’ kung fu.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
why did i come and read this:
Possibly the most amazing thing? It took only nine games for this year’s Ducks team to have a worse record than last year’s team, who started the year 1-5.
i thought by not looking at the standings…it just might not be true
its hard to be a quacks fan this year arrrrggggg…fuck
i have metal balls that make a clanging sound when i walk
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Oct 25, 2009 8:24 AM PDT up reply actions
Aw man
I passed out during the third period, right when we tied it up with like 13 minutes to go. I blame myself for this loss.
Lol, just kidding. This post was a complete lie.
Sorry Spade…
Sbisa being re-assigned means you’ll need a new man-crush!
GO DUCKS!!!
DUCKSandPUCKS.com
SKeleven on Twitter
i mentioned (above i think) mikkelson has taken that crown and is wearing it proudly…he better shave his ass closley..i like a clean work area to kiss
i have metal balls that make a clanging sound when i walk
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Oct 26, 2009 6:29 AM PDT up reply actions
new sig to prove
I have a mancrush on Mikkelson..I want to snuggle with him at nite
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Oct 26, 2009 6:31 AM PDT up reply actions
Have you seen Kung Fu Hussle?
Hopefully we’ll fully be restored tonight and we’ll pull it off against Toronto.
For sure — in fact, I re-watched some of it Saturday after writing this post.
Another fantastic Chow flick.
http://www.battleofcali.com/

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