Inspired by a badly-internet-translated Alexander Frolov interview passed on by user Ivano27 the other day (the article link has expired, unfortunately), I present to you an exclusive interview with former Anaheim Duck Sammy Påhlsson, taken from the fictitious Swedish journal of Språkrådet, then waywardly translated to English using Google Translator. For purposes of entertainment, it was first translated from Swedish to French, then French to Japanese, then Japanese to English. Plus the whole thing is made up -- just having some lazy fun on a Friday. Enjoy!
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Q: Thank you for provision opportunity to speak and confront our questions.
A: I was unaware of my opportunity to refusal (laughs) but ever nostalgia when speaking for Swedish. It prefers over speaking for American, which still submit tangles.
Q: And still? You are nearly ten years to be on American territory, yes?
A: Now it makes more easy. When first to America, ability of speaking was hard more, but at least can speaking for Swedish on team Niclas Havelid associate. He and I friend together many seasons as a result, but when hockey position of Brian Burke begin operation, I become only Sweden represent in equipment room. Therefore it follows for speaking for American quickly must improved -- like for teaching swim on infant tossing in the river.
Q: Ah, yes. Infant necessity of surviving makes improved indeed! Do you bitter at Burke because Sweden boycott for his roster?
A: Hahaha, no answer! But Burke inspiration attitude for making Anaheim Ducks higher in rank, I don't challenge that. Only I wish to making less penalty time contained in this attitude. The Ducks never afraid punish used to penalty, repeat after repeat, like soldiers thinking -- because always I clean on make kill penalty for them after it.
Q. Were you friend terms on boss coach Randy Carlyle? What difference in now Ken Hitchcock for Columbus?
A: For usual, yes. Both in cases to understanding what strength of my game -- without relenting on puck, earning many faceoff situations, my living to put on defense shutdown. Randy isn't speak much at me many instances, rather he scolds Rob Niedermayer for relay to me. Mr. Hitchcock makes nicer -- sometimes there makes smiling, even for underneath anger, there is one difference! Ha!
Q: When "Senators" of "Ottawa" arrive to the forefront event of 2007, you did feature strongly in such Stanley Cup conclusion when confrontation with Daniel Alfredsson. Further in preceding cycles was the famous Henrik Zetterberg and menace of twins Sedin. How much Olympic associates does it matter in such atmosphere?
A: Top memory in Olympic gold absolutely, but setting differently for NHL playoff relationship. My duty is shut off Alfredsson from the score, and not mentioning Zetterberg and Sedins. Torino partnership is deposited in behind car seat; for difference moment he is enemy and concentrate must energy.
Q: Samuel, which in looking back is your preferred line partner most?
A: I think of many candidates for preference, one must say a mention on Stephan "Stumplike" Thomas, what was absorbed by the Ducks of Might at the 2003 trade limit from Chicago Indian franchise. When I navigate to hockey offensive ice, Stumplike understands to identify open position and thus shooting with energetic.
Q: Were not you also participant in Chicago franchise enlistment? 2009 trade limit replacing James Wisniewski on the defense position?
A: Certain. Also for playoff humiliate Henrik and Daniel brothers another chance.
Q: Recently to July, when you enlisted upon Columbus "Blue Coat" franchise when unlimited free agency make available. Was it thinking of Anaheim possible? Do your return opportunity offered?
A: Anaheim hire manager Bob Murray I remember conversing before exchange on Chicago. He thanks for many years me playing on Anaheim, and he wishes that I employment satisfactory in summer – with different franchise. He repeating "different franchise" for my ear three, four instances during time meeting, so message makes impression strong. He says my increase salary difficult when budget for Anaheim spend, that making sense for salary limit NHL. I fondly memorize Anaheim, even so -- it make opportunity for my NHL every day position.
Q: We partner occasion for internet site "Battle of California" – familiar to you has it?
A: Is for certain. Before exchange on Chicago, I familiar to me most days reading, and even currently, I make stopping by. For relief it is to see if cartoon draws by Earl Sleek, even though worried sometimes for he's crush much on my player a bit (laughs). I make funny to read Rudy Kelly the days, also. Wonder to how he makes on success Kings Los Angeles for now? Can more gay even if? Much good for seeing Mike Chen for write more, but where James O'Brien is gone? He make for act to disappearing on similar Jonathan Hedstrom for the playoffs season, ha ha!
Q: To speak of this, reminding of Sharks San Jose reputation giving -- you bother by missing to opportunity for first cycle to defeat famous Sharks in spring past?
A: Hahaha, I think suppose perhaps truth -- would promise many fun. I made phone to friend Travis Moen to making fun to this, many laughing. Not complaining much for it, even though -- I outlast more than Ducks surviving in spring past. (laughs)
Q: Could you prediction offering with the NHL contest in tonight?
A: I suspicion to match for Ryan Getzlaf tonight; he leader among for players Duck. He make situation for difficult, but I search to put check body to Teemu Selanne at opportunity if for taking, maybe situation in kill penalty. To some reason, probable he smiles too Finland, my want to hit Teemu is for full career dream -- be warn to Teemu lookout!
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That actually was kind of tough to do -- feel free to add your own badly-translated player-fiction in the comments, Pahlsson-related or otherwise.