Philadelphia Flyers (12-5-1) at San Jose Sharks (14-5-4), Friday 7:00 PST

San Jose Sharks (Hopefully 15-5-4) at Anaheim Ducks (7-10-3), Saturday 7:00 PST

(Note 1: A double-gameday post for this weekend, since I'll be running all over the Bay Area today and tomorrow.) 

(Note 2: If you've never seen Army of Darkness, you won't understand anything here.)

"KLATU...VERATA...NICK  (*cough* *cough* *cough*)"

Um, I think someone said the words wrong when they picked up the Necronomicon because this isn't the way stuff's supposed to be. Chris Pronger on the Flyers? The Ducks in last place? Mellow OC folks beating the shit out of each other for Scott Niedermayer's stick? Man, what the hell is happening?

Fortunately, we've still got Patrick Marleau around to say, "THIS...is my BOOM STICK!" Ok, actually, Patty wouldn't say that. He'd just kind of smile and shrug, and his unibrow would bob up and down a few times.

But I bet Todd McLellan would say, "Listen up, you primitive screwheads" when he's trying to get his team to play smart defensive hockey. Cause the goal is to prevent defensive breakdowns like...oh crap, that's how they lost in overtime against Chicago. Come to think of ii, perhaps he better use some harsher words besides "primitive screwheads." Heard at today's morning skate: "Well, hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things, right now: Jack and shit... and Jack left town."

Actually, he was saying that to Marleau, Joe Thornton, and Dany Heatley, who played together as a line at the tail end of the game against Nashville. Oh wait, you didn't see that? Well damn, I missed that game too. You'd think with Center Ice these days, you'd be able to see every game on the planet but I guess there are still those rare instances when neither team broadcasts a game. It'd sure be nice if teams coordinated somehow so we were able to get at least one feed of each game. Next time, we'll make sure to tell them to shop smart...shop S-MART...YOU GOT THAT?

Now...WHO'S WITH ME?!?!?

The Flyer I'd Like On My Team: Chris Pronger as a social experiment. I'd love to see what the crazy drunk lady who sits behind me does when she realizes she couldn't boo Pronger anymore.

The Duck I'd Like On My Team: Scott Niedermayer, because the dude can incite post-game riots with the mere flick of a wrist. Next time, before he tosses his stick into the crowd, Niedermayer should call for the sword boy.

Prediction: Sharks 4, Flyers 2. Goals by Boyle, Boyle, Boyle, and Boyle.

Prediction: Sharks 4, Ducks 1. Goals by Boyle, Boyle, Boyle, and Boyle.

What? Eight goals by Dan Boyle? Are all ex-defensemen from Tampa Bay loud-mouthed braggarts?

Nope. Just Boyle, baby. Just Boyle.