Scenes from the Father-Son Dinner
by RudyKelly on Nov 4, 2009 11:22 AM PST
34 comments
The Kings took their fathers on their road trip to Phoenix this past week, capping off the festivities with a grand dinner for the 16 fathers that were on the trip. I managed to swipe a waiter's outfit and was able to catch a few snippets of conversation. Here are a few things I saw and heard. Oh, and before you read, it'd probably help to read this article, or at least look at the picture.
Tim Stoll (Jarret's Dad): So, Raitis, I'm sorry to hear your dad couldn't end up making it, but I thought he was going to.
Raitis Ivanans: Well, I guess he ran into a little problem at Customs and couldn't get into the country.
Tim Stoll: Really? What happened? Does he have a record or something?
Raitis Ivanans: My dad is actually a bear, so...
Tim Stoll: Oh.
***
Bob Scuderi (Rob's Dad): Hey, Matjaz, your son's really having a great start this year!
Matjaz Kopitar (Figure it Out): Yes, yes, my young apprentice has truly seen the power of the Dark Side.
Bob Scuderi: Yeah he rea- I'm sorry, did you say Dark Side?
Matjaz Kopitar: Yes, he thought I was mistaken but it turned out he was mistaken, about a great many things!
Bob Scuderi: Uh-huh. ...Boy, that's a pretty cool cell phone ya got there, is that one of those Droid things? I thought they weren't supposed to come out for a while?
Matjaz Kopitar: Oh, I'm afraid this cellular phone is quite operational. Now witness the firepower of this fully ARMED and OPERATIONAL phone!
Bob Scuderi: Hey, that's pretty cool!
Matjaz Kopitar: I know, I can even update my Twitter! But now I'm sorry, my pathetic Rebel friend, that the time has come; now you will DIE! Hissssss!!!!
Bob Scuderi: ...Please don't point your fingers at me, Matjaz.
Matjaz Kopitar: Hissssssssss!!!!!!!
Terry Murray: So Alexander, where's your dad, I was kinda hoping to meet him.
Alexander Frolov: *Bursts into tears
Terry Murray: *Slowly backs away
***
Jim Greene (Matt's Dad): So, Cyril, right? What is it you do?
Cyril Simmonds (Wayne's Dad): Well actually, I was a bit of a hockey player myself.
Jim Greene: Really, you're both hockey players?
Wayne Simmonds: That's right, we're black and we're hockey players. Let's not make an issue of it.
Cyril Simmonds: No one's making an issue of it, son, you're making an issue of it.
***
Paul Doughty (Drew's Dad): So son, that redesign of SBNation sure does suck, huh?
Drew Doughty: You said it, Pop.
***
Jack Johnson, Sr.: Finish the rest of that steak, son.
Jack Johnson, Jr.: I don't wanna, Dad, I'm kinda full.
Jack Johnson, Sr.: Whaddaya mean, you're full? No son of mine is going to leave a plate with food on it! C'mon you limp-wristed pussy, eat that steak!
Jack Johnson, Jr.: But Dad, I'm fu-
Jack Johnson, Sr.: *smacks him I said eat it!
Jack Johnson, Jr.: *crying Alright, fine, I'll eat it!
Jack Johnson, Sr.: Atta boy. I don't know what they're teaching you down here, but men from Michigan always finish their plates.
Jack Johnson, Jr.: I hate you, Dad! I hate you! *runs away
***
Bryan Brown: So... how are things?
Dustin Brown: ...Good. Mom?
Bryan Brown: She's fine. Kids?
Dustin Brown: Cool.
Bryan Brown: ...Yep.
Dustin Brown: ...Yep.
*Both drink at the same time
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Oh geez, Rudy — great stuff.
Raitis Ivanans: My dad is actually a bear, so…
Huh, so I guess his mother is the rancor, then.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
Jack Johnson, Sr.: Atta boy. I don’t know what they’re teaching you down here, but men from Michigan always finish their plates.
Definitely true. My dad is as mellow as a 25 pound cat on weed, but lord almighty if I ever left food on my plate it was Naked Waterboarding Time. (Longstanding and traditional form of Michiganian punishment.)
www.thetripledeke.blogspot.com
Hell yeah. You finish your plate or you go to bed hungry.
Also, the Doughty’s have the right idea.
http://sacrificethebody.blogspot.com/
Sacrifice the Body - Examining the NHL through statistical analysis, reasoned thought, and blind conjecture.
Is that an actual Michigan thing? I was trying to come up with something that made Johnson’s dad look like a dick.
The West Coast is the Best Coast.
Yeah I’ve seen my dad’s wand more times than I’d like.
Oh — you mean the dinner thing …. I don’t know that it’s exclusive to Midwestern families, but it does seem like an acceptable, generic stereotype of our neck of the woods to assume that a hard working/blue collar father would be upset if you didn’t eat all of the food he put in front of you. So perhaps this was kind of true.
www.thetripledeke.blogspot.com
Definitely a Midwestern thing. My father is a huge proponent of this.
My mom jokes that the whole reason she married my dad was because her grandmother (who grew up on a farm*) always called him the “Cleanup Crew” because he would eat everything on the table. Sick of the green bean casserole? Send it his way.
*That’s a big reason why it’s such a huge thing in the Midwest. Lots of families grew up on or around farms, and the idea of not letting anything go to waste became ingrained in the culture.
Fear The Fin: Where Selling Your Soul Is The Likely Solution
Also: A Czech WWII refugee thing, which was cause to constantly remind me, “Obviously, you never lived through a war.”
Lighthouse Hockey: Side effects may include Weight gain and frequent game loss.
…which always made me wish I had the balls to reply: “No shit, Dad, and obviously you never grew up in America, where we throw shit away when we’re done with it.”
Lighthouse Hockey: Side effects may include Weight gain and frequent game loss.
by Dominik on Nov 4, 2009 2:21 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
You finish your plate or you go to bed hungry.
How is that possible?
Don’t get me wrong, I know of what you speak. My Dad (from Wyoming) was big into finishing your goddamn plate, but my strategy was to avoid the lima beans for as long as possible, and eat all the good stuff first. If I had the option of going to bed after that, I may have taken it. Instead, it was just a waiting game, potentially lasting hours.
I was like that with fish and chicken … absolutely refused to eat them … and would sit at the table for hours … all night … until I was sent to bed
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality? (boycott Hollywood!)
by ang6666 on Nov 4, 2009 3:02 PM PST up reply actions
Holy shit, Rudy, this is spectacular! I especially love how you associated the picture of Matjaz with you know who!
2009-10 LA Kings Hockey: Where Smyt Happens!!
by DodgerBlueBalls on Nov 4, 2009 12:19 PM PST reply actions
classic stuff rudy
the tombstone thing still is number 1..but this is right up there
Ducks blow old goats right now but....GO DUCKS!!! for shits and giggles!!
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Nov 4, 2009 12:47 PM PST reply actions
what i like that movie wheres the reference?
i wish he could have used this city clickers reference:
from good ole bruno kirby
“No that was I like your ass could I wear it as a hat”
Ducks blow old goats right now but....GO DUCKS!!! for shits and giggles!!
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Nov 4, 2009 1:57 PM PST up reply actions
slickers..(damn no edit button)
i assume jon quick might have said that to his dad
Ducks blow old goats right now but....GO DUCKS!!! for shits and giggles!!
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Nov 4, 2009 1:58 PM PST up reply actions
The Simmonds thing is from City Slickers:
“Yes, we’re black and we’re dentists. Let’s not make an issue of it.”
The West Coast is the Best Coast.
that mean they specialize in “grills”
That’s so stereotypical and wrong of me
Ducks blow old goats right now but....GO DUCKS!!! for shits and giggles!!
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Nov 4, 2009 2:12 PM PST up reply actions
So son, that redesign of SBNation sure does suck, huh?
Yeah, so what’s the deal with that? I thought SBNation wasn’t loading properly or something. That’s what it looks like anyway.
is that one of those Droid things? I thought they weren’t supposed to come out for a while?
That’s just for Verizon, who is late to the Android game. If you’ve had T-Mobile it’s been out about a year.
Lol, just kidding. This post was a complete lie.
Yeah, so what’s the deal with that? I thought SBNation wasn’t loading properly or something. That’s what it looks like anyway.
It wasn’t and it still isn’t, so I fail to see the merit of the changes if that was the reason.
This was fantastic
But I must admit some disappointment when I got to the end and remembered O’Sullivan isn’t a King anymore.
Lighthouse Hockey: Side effects may include Weight gain and frequent game loss.
Too soon!
2009-10 LA Kings Hockey: Where Smyt Happens!!
by DodgerBlueBalls on Nov 4, 2009 2:51 PM PST up reply actions
That one would be:
O’Sullivan’s Dad: Finish your steak, son.
Patrick O’Sullivan: But I did, Dad.
O’Sullivan’s Dad: Don’t tell me business, boy! *Pulls off belt
The West Coast is the Best Coast.
to add
*Pulls off belt folds it and snaps it 3 times
my mom used to do that to me…she couldnt just spank me with it..she had to get the indiana jones cracking the whip sound i think for her own amusment…
Ducks blow old goats right now but....GO DUCKS!!! for shits and giggles!!
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Nov 4, 2009 3:02 PM PST up reply actions
I would think O’Sullivan would eat everything on his plate without saying a word or making eye contact and then his dad would criticize him for how he ate and then punch him in the gob… meh.
If Theo Fleury were a King his dad would probably just look the other way as his junior coach slowly fed Theo his bratwurst (too soon?).
Great stuff yet again Rudy.
Dammit..
This is just another thing I can add to the “shit I wish I thought of first” file.
Very well done
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