San Jose Sharks (37-7-7) at Pittsburgh Penguins (26-24-5)
4:30 PST

A few weeks back, I reconnected with my old friend Kristy who lives in the Pittsburgh area thanks to the miracles of Facebook and the intertubes. While giving her the usual razzing about Sidney Crosby, she revealed that she's got a secret hockey crush on one Max Talbot.

Yeah. That dude. (I told her that Talbot looks like a caveman.) Why? Well, she explains, look at his stellar acting ability:

Yikes. I'd like to see Christian Bale handle the pressures of filming in a car dealership. ("For FUCK'S SAKE, Malkin, catch the keys! CATCH THE KEYS! WHAT DON'T YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND?") If Liam Neeson drops out of the Abe Lincoln biopick, I think we know who can pull off the man in the top hat.

But wait, you say, isn't Joe Thornton a pretty darn good actor in his own right?

And let's not forget Jonathan Cheechoo. That blank, erm, stoic look on his face rivals Mel Gibson's William Wallace on the torture rack. I'm sure if the director really wanted it, Cheech could have had a few tears rolling down his face while hanging on that surfboard. ("Just remember when you were a first-line goal scorer...and...ACTION!")

In fact, I'd say Talbot's got his hands full when looking at the hockey-players-turned-actors competition. I mean, Thornton even enters a shoe store well.




And Joe's obviously an actor with much more depth than these guys:

(I couldn't find Joel Quenneville's old car commercials out of Denver. Either the Avs are just shamed out of the public eye or Coach Q's DUI didn't sit well with a car endorsement. And Steve Yzerman has his own furniture line? Who knew?)

So while tonight's battle between the struggling Penguins and the high-flying Sharks is for a valuable two points, the real key to the whole thing is who's a better actor: Max Talbot or Joe Thornton. Car dealership and dancing or broken toasters and stale bread?

Prediction: Sharks 4, Penguins 1. Goals by Marleau, Boyle, Cheechoo (yes, Cheechoo), and Grier...and an Oscar for Joe Thornton.