Hockey and professional wrestling

Who's a better match for Randy "The Ram" in hockey: Claude Lemieux (for the "he's STILL hanging around?" factor) or Alexander Daigle (to cover the "fall from grace" element)?
Last week, professional wrestling showed its tanned, steroid-grown head in three different BoC posts. Considering the fact that the Dallas Stars pounded their opponents this weekend (a stunning 10-2 win against the New York Rangers and a 4-1 win in Nashville), you couldn't help but be reminded of the way a big-name wrestler would destroy a jobber.
It got me thinking: which moments, players and types of games in hockey mimic some of the most well-known figures and events in professional wrestling? While BoC's wrestling references will never be able touch this post by the Pensblog, let's take one more trip into the world of choke slams and chair-shots.
Finding a good match for the 10-2 beating: Professional wrestling could offer many different options for historically one-sided bouts. Could the Stars' drubbing of the Rangers be similar to that Hell in a Cell match when Mick Foley somehow didn't die three or four times? Or was it that one time that The Rock hit Foley with a million chair-shots? (Seriously, is there anyone who's taken as many "fake but you know what, that had to hurt at least a little bit" type beatings than Foley? Guy's just a pain sponge)
If you've never seen the Foley stunt, it starts around the 1:10 mark:
As great as an example as those might be, the Stars 10-2 win was most like a casket match. Especially if the rumors of a Tom Renney firing come true.
"I Quit" match: Easily, the hockey equivalent of an I Quit match came in that infamous moment: Patrick Roy whispering not-so-sweet nothings in the ear of Montreal Canadiens executives after getting shelled by the Red Wings.
First Blood match: Brought this one up simply to post that gnarly Chris Drury bloody face photo.

Oh no! He swung at The Oxy-cuter but ended up knocking out the referee!: Take your pick for those "ref gets knocked out" moments in hockey.
Would you prefer the season after the lockout, when referees were whistle-trigger happy? Or the opposite, when a player must be mugged to draw a penalty toward the end of a playoff game?
Here's how it would happen in hockey: Dion Phaneuf lines up Sean Avery with hopes of Phaneuf-ing* the Outspoken One, only Avery pushes a linesman in the way at the last minute. Go ahead and try to say that wouldn't be entertaining.
The Hulkster wags his finger, becomes impervious to pain/dishonest with himself about hair loss and lands the big leg drop: Considering that "no lead is safe in hockey" there are plenty of decent examples.
But the best example came to me instantly: Paul Kariya's "breath fogging the visor" performance in that game 6 SCF matchup against noted villain "Psycho" Scott Stevens. (Would that make Kariya's finishing move "The Sharpshooter" ...?)

Villain wins by: hooking the tights, putting his legs on the ropes for leverage or has his manager hold the opponent's legs down unbeknownst to the referee:
One of the best things about wrestling are the moments when the crowd gets legitimately pissed. The greatest way to do that is to have the heel (aka bad guy) get destroyed but then somehow sneak away with a win. Usually by unfair means.
Really, this applies to many games when the home crowd goes away disappointed. The closest famous example isn't a perfect mix, but the Hull foot in the crease goal is about the closest match that comes to mind.
Son of a ---! Supposed good guy turns on teammates, helps beat them up and reveals nWo T-shirt: Two words: Marian Hossa.
The People's Elbow: The inevitable Chris Pronger joke. In an ode to both The Rock and Pensblog, Pronger would transform into The Prong and constantly refer to his flatulence, greatness and self in the third person.
Vince McMahon: Nah, let's not insult the comical owner of the WWE (ugh, haven't watched since the name change ... come on, really, World Wildlife Foundation?) with a comparison to Gary Bettman.

"Stone Cold" Steve Austin vs. "The Hitman" Bret Hart: Not a bad parallel to the Alex Ovechkin vs. Sidney Crosby rivalry when you think about it. Austin/Ovechkin appeal to the simple fan with brashness and aggressiveness; Hart/Crosby are vaguely whiny, undeniably talented Canadians. Crosby might even have a disturbing obsession with baby oil and strange sunglasses for all we know.
* - I'd say that I'm jealous that Phaneuf's name became verb-icized, but then again the verb named after me would probably be for taking way too long to make a point (or something much worse).
***
So, those are the wrestling-hockey connections that come to mind but there must be more. I'm excited to see what whacky parallels show up in the comments.
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Comments
Hmmm
Perhaps 1,000 words about pro wrestling was too much. Noted.
by jamestobrien on Feb 9, 2009 9:32 AM PST reply actions 0 recs
I haven’t even had a chance to read it yet, frankly. Stupid work is demanding effort out of me today (those jerks).
http://www.battleofcali.com/
by Earl Sleek on Feb 9, 2009 9:37 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
The nerve. It’s directed at wrestling and hockey fanatics so it’s pretty much as niche as you can get.
by jamestobrien on Feb 9, 2009 9:42 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Great stuff as always James T
Now I hate to link on the BOC (“Nice article guys! I also wrote something here on my blog” with the “here on my blog” linked), but to me 98’s Hell In A Cell is comparable to NHL 2K9 vs. NHL 09. Oh what the hell, I also wrote something here on my blog.
The “I Quit” match could also be compared to Sundin’s recent offseason (or Selanne & Niedermayer’s a season ago)- yeah they “quit”, but you always knew they were going to come back at one point haha.
Anything we can tie to the Montreal Screwjob? I’m trying oh so hard but just can’t figure it out…..
Fear The Fin: Where The Second Round Is Overrated
by Mr. Plank on Feb 9, 2009 10:06 AM PST reply actions 0 recs
You know, I hate myself every time I do the “link to” thing but ultimately it’s a victimless crime. Worst case scenario someone rolls their eyes. Best case: someone extends their hockey blogging entertainment. Right? It’s what I tell myself at least.
Hmmm … Montreal screwjob? Well, the first thing that pops in my head is the Montreal All-Star Game voting. Of course, it’s not really a parallel situation (unless the Canadiens lose a game while they TOTALLY WEREN’T QUITTING to their own special move … and then Saku Koivu punches Gary Bettman in the face) but it works that it was a Montreal screwjob.
Maybe Alex O = Bret Hart, after all? (Not in the starting lineup = losing championship?)
I’ve always wondered how fake that situation was. If it was real, Vince McMahon was a genius for capitalizing on it. If it was fake, Vince is an even bigger genius. I miss pro wrestling on a lot of levels, but it’s unwatchable past the age of 17 I think.
by jamestobrien on Feb 9, 2009 11:06 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Well, the first thing that pops in my head is the Montreal All-Star Game voting.
That’s a good one.
I’m pretty sure the situation was real, and by God McMahon is a genius for capitalizing on it. Those were definitely the golden days of the WWF- I heard JR and The King don’t even announce together anymore? That’s pretty shitty.
But hey, who knows- my friend’s dad does a lot of sound work for Staples Center and he said he could get us tickets for Summerslam in August. Getting drunk and going to that might be a worthy use of my time…..
Fear The Fin: Where The Second Round Is Overrated
by Mr. Plank on Feb 9, 2009 6:30 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Unrelated
But you can take one former Ducks player off the pending UFA list. No money details yet, but Andy Mac has signed a four-year extension with the St. Louis Blues. Congrats, A-Mac.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
by Earl Sleek on Feb 9, 2009 10:27 AM PST reply actions 0 recs
4 years, $18.8 million, I hear. An averaged cap hit of $4.7 million.
Remember when the entire line of Kunitz-McDonald-Selanne cost less than $2 million combined? Those were good times.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
by Earl Sleek on Feb 9, 2009 2:34 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
That doesn’t even seem possible.
People who save up for a rainy day are like milk. And milk goes good with cookies, so you should have those people over for cookies.
by brokenyard on Feb 9, 2009 6:01 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
I think my number is off. Selanne was a million (plus bonuses), and I think Andy Mac and Kunitz were like $600k apiece, so it was more like $2.2M, plus Selanne probably made it $3M with his bonuses, though I don’t know if they were ever spelled out that season.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
by Earl Sleek on Feb 9, 2009 6:17 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
That’s an awful lot of money for a player as injury prone as McDonald, and on the other side of 30. John Davidson is weird.
by ievans on Feb 10, 2009 11:47 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Think of the Long-Term-Injury cap relief, though! :)
It is a weird deal. Andy Mac will nearly make as much next year as Teemu Selanne will make this year and next. Ironic when you consider who really made Andy Mac look like an NHL first-liner for essentially the first time in his career.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
by Earl Sleek on Feb 10, 2009 11:53 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Oh, and … if the first photo wasn’t already an indication: “The Wrestler” really is a fantastic movie. It’s one of the few films of the year that I’d say is genuinely hype-proof.
It is even better for wrestling fans, but you don’t have to be one to enjoy Darren Aronofsky’s kick-ass movie. I promise I’m not getting paid for this. It rocked me.
by jamestobrien on Feb 9, 2009 11:32 AM PST reply actions 0 recs

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