Kings Gameday: Choose Your Own Adventure

by RudyKelly on Mar 26, 2009 2:48 PM PDT

LA Kings @ Dallas Stars

5:30 PST, Fox Sports West & Defending Big D

You're at work, taking a piss, and an older gentleman that you have shared a few laughs with walks in. You nod but don't dare say hello because you have a rule not to talk to other people when your cock's out. He proceeds to slide up right next to you, even though there's like 5 open urinals that don't allow him to see your penis. Then, he starts talking. You have the most awkward 30 second conversation of your life ("Uh-huh. Yep. I guess.") and then quickly wash your hands while he keeps blathering on. Then, as you're trying to get the fuck out of this intractable quagmire, he does the most horrifying thing you can imagine: he sticks out his hand. 'Oh God,' you think, 'does he want to shake hands? He hasn't washed his yet. Jesus, he's not even zipped all the way up!' He's standing there with a big friendly smile on his face and you frantically try to come up with something, anything, that will get you out of this mess.

What do you do? What do you do?

Prediction: Kings lose, 3-1. Goal by Kopitar. I get fired for embarrassing a co-worker. "Well, gosh Chris, if he didn't want me to punch him in the face maybe he should learn some Goddamned manners."*

*I didn't punch him. I shook his hand, waited for him to leave, and then set my arm on fire.

Tweet Comment 21 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

I know you extend your hand like your gonna shake it…then gooo…phsyceeeeeee…
running your hand thru your hair (or bald head) instead old school childish style

you turn it into a joke…..and u both share a laugh…but in reality you got what you wanted…not to touch a piss-cock covered hand….

everybody wins!!

El Spade-o

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 26, 2009 2:55 PM PDT reply actions

I was going to say shake his cock, just to show him that you cannot be out-witted or shocked by ANYTHING, but the “Fake Handshake” is one of the greatest things ever.

And I give really bad advice.

by jamestobrien on Mar 26, 2009 6:18 PM PDT up reply actions

dont forget to cup the balls.

hooked on quack

by tu madre on Mar 26, 2009 6:31 PM PDT up reply actions

Yeah, being female has its advantages at times. We dont’ have to have these types of situations thrust upon us.

Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?

by ang6666 on Mar 26, 2009 2:59 PM PDT reply actions

whats worse

is seeing that coworker…not wash hands..just head right out the bathroom….knowing hes shaking clients and/or other co-workers hands….hes grabbing coffe mugs…papers around the office….then you realize..he owes you some type of papers and hes gonna “hand” them to you…then u beg pleae email or pdf that son of a bitch…

El Spade-o

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 26, 2009 3:06 PM PDT reply actions

Sorry RK.

There is no right answer to that situation.

Your co-worker is a tool for not having the social skills to avoid putting people in that pre-dick-ament

by Mike in OC on Mar 26, 2009 3:22 PM PDT reply actions

Unfortunately, it was a post-dick-ament.

by Nut on Mar 26, 2009 3:43 PM PDT up reply actions

A big ol’ LOL to both of you.

http://www.battleofcali.com/

by Earl Sleek on Mar 26, 2009 3:49 PM PDT up reply actions

I dare not ask what compelled you to spend your entire Kings Gameday post talking about this.

Sadly to say, I have no similar urinal story or memory, but I do recall the time earlier this season, the Kings/Ducks game where Bobby Ryan had that amazing hat trick, and somebody put Chris Pronger and Scott Niedermayer hockey cards in the urinals. I feel sorry for the Ducks fans who had to piss on Pronger.

Fuck you, Denis Gauthier. You suck at hockey... and life.

by Kevin Y on Mar 26, 2009 4:20 PM PDT reply actions

I feel sorry for the Ducks fans who had to piss on Pronger.

Shrug. Whatever, it’s not like they had to eat the card later or anything. I don’t know if I’d lose sleep over it.

http://www.battleofcali.com/

by Earl Sleek on Mar 26, 2009 4:31 PM PDT up reply actions

That’s pretty typical.

Kings fan puts Ducks player cards in the urinal and giggles his ass off for 20 seconds after he urinates on them.

Ducks fan wonders why the Kings fan did not just take the $4 he spent on the package of cards and piss on that to see if the entertainment value was worth it.

by Mike in OC on Mar 26, 2009 5:23 PM PDT up reply actions

That just seems like some bad voodoo stuff right there. Although we all got a huge laugh from it.

By the way, our favorite sports percentages site, SportsClubStats.com, got a mention in the LA Times. In the short preview for tonight’s Kings game, it mentions the fact that the site has the Kings only having a 0.1% chance of making the postseason. They getting some publicity!!

Fuck you, Denis Gauthier. You suck at hockey... and life.

by Kevin Y on Mar 26, 2009 4:35 PM PDT reply actions

*That was supposed to be a reply to Sleek

Fuck you, Denis Gauthier. You suck at hockey... and life.

by Kevin Y on Mar 26, 2009 4:35 PM PDT up reply actions

Yeah, it was mentioned today on Kuklas Korner and by the OC Register blog, too.

I dunno — it seems like a late time of the year to bring it up. It was more useful, I think, a few weeks ago, when the end of the schedule wasn’t so visible. Now we’re almost to the point where I can guesstimate these percentages pretty well.

http://www.battleofcali.com/

by Earl Sleek on Mar 26, 2009 4:37 PM PDT up reply actions

I keep checking back every day just to see when the Kings are “Out”. That, and since the Lakers have already clinched, I need one of my teams to look at.

Fuck you, Denis Gauthier. You suck at hockey... and life.

by Kevin Y on Mar 26, 2009 5:37 PM PDT up reply actions

What does SPS do when the regular season ends? Does it calculate the chances of teams to win the Stanley Cup? That’s what it does for European Soccer (I am not a fan, just something I noticed). Since there are no “playoffs” really, it just calculates their chances of winning the championship.

I guess we’ll see.

Nobody cares about your opinion.

by brokenyard on Mar 26, 2009 5:52 PM PDT up reply actions

I doubt they do anything for the postseason; I don’t see anywhere on the site that makes any mention of the 2008 MLB postseason, and the 2008 season is still the “active” season on SCS. Not only that, but since it’s just head-to-head, there really serves no purpose to run percentages, as well as because everything resets; #1 seeds have the same realistic 50/50 chance of winning the Cup (sans home-ice advantage) as the #7 or 8 seeds.

As far as the European Soccer Leagues go (go Manchester United!), they don’t have a true “league” playoffs. The Championship SCS refers to is equivalent to the NHL #1 seed, meaning they have the best record amongst all teams they compete with in their own nation’s league. The way it works in soccer is that the top team(s) in each country’s league get together in the UEFA Champions League, an ultimate, mega-tournament. You can see a breakdown of how many teams from each country actually qualify at Wikipedia.

And as far as I know, the current UEFA tournament isn’t monitored on SCS; the current tourny began in September and ends in May, so we’re almost at the end of it (down to Top 8). There is, however, something for the 2009-10 UEFA tournament here. But that’s only the odds of the club making the Champions League tournament. I’ve never seen anything as far as the odds of winning any postseason stage, in club soccer or in American sports in the three months since being introduced to the site.

Fuck you, Denis Gauthier. You suck at hockey... and life.

by Kevin Y on Mar 26, 2009 10:49 PM PDT up reply actions

Not to tell the Kings & Stars how to play hockey,

but if they had no intention of scoring in 65 minutes of playing – couldn’t they have agreed to go straight to the shoot-out? :)

Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?

by ang6666 on Mar 26, 2009 8:19 PM PDT reply actions

ha. good one.

hooked on quack

by tu madre on Mar 26, 2009 8:25 PM PDT up reply actions

Well I hadn’t been watching the game. My dad came to pick me up from school and Lehtinen had just tied it up in the shootout, right before Williams’ goal. So, for me, the game did go straight to a shootout.

A disturbing trend: the Kings have not scored a goal in either of the first two periods of any of their five games on this roadtrip. The scores after two periods: 0-2, 0-4, 0-2, 0-0, and 0-0. The fact that they’re even 2-3-0 is amazing.

SCORE IN THE FIRST 40 MINUTES FOR ONCE!!!

Fuck you, Denis Gauthier. You suck at hockey... and life.

by Kevin Y on Mar 26, 2009 10:34 PM PDT up reply actions