Ducks Gameday: It Feels So Good to Say, "Ducks Suck"
by RudyKelly on Mar 8, 2009 9:14 AM PST
Email
PrintAnaheim Ducks (lost season series to Kings)
vs.
Minnesota Wild (lost season series to Kings)
5:00 PST, Fox Sports Prime Ticket (like anyone would want to watch)
Surprise, cockfags! Earl is sitting on a rock, watching the sunset and pondering his future without Sammy Pahlsson,* so I am going to chip in for today's Ducks post. So, the Ducks... sure do suck, don't they? The team that was supposed to finish anywhere from 4th to 6th in the conference is languishing in 10th right now, behind Nashville and Columbus. They're only 3 points better than some team called the Kings, who surely suck because I've never heard of them. Basically, the Ducks are shitty and I couldn't be happier.
*And he's not wearing a shirt. Gracious.
But why? Why do the Ducks suck? (Hey, that rhymes.) It's not Ryan Getzlaf's fault; the young center is 10th in the league in points and it seems like he adds a point for every piece of hair he loses. (He's like a reverse Sampson.) It's probably not Corey Perry's fault, no matter how badly I wish it was, because he's been his usual harmless self. Also, doesn't he look like one of the little aliens from Mars Attacks? Maybe that's just me. I think the problem with the Ducks isn't any of their big players (well, maybe Scott Niedermayer), it's everyone else. The salary cap makes it harder to retain the 2nd-tier talent and the Ducks have seen Andy Mac, Todd Bertuzzi, Dustin Penner, Mathieu Schneider, Sean O'Donnell, and a few other people I can't remember because I'm too lazy to look it up leave with lesser lights to replace them. Eventually that hole is going to get too big and you're going to end up where the Ducks are.
You know how Dean Lombardi loves his boxes? I love windows. I'm always fascinated by a team's opportunity to win a Cup and examine them whenever possible. (I'm not very much fun at parties.) The Ducks are seeing their window close after a few years of dominance, but they're in luck: I think, in this new NHL, windows open and close in a matter of years. The NHL is going to be more like the NFL in coming years, where teams go from contenders to laughinstocks and back again, with the Ducks leading the charge. I think Brian Burke understood that, which is why he left the Ducks with so much flexibility this off-season. The Ducks will probably miss the playoffs next year too (unless their young defensemen suddenly figure it out), but eventually they'll get a few supporting players to help Getzlaf, Perry, Ryan, and Pronger get back to the playoffs. Dammit.
Prediction: Kings win, 4-2. Wait, shit.
35 comments
|
0 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
That reminds me of one of my favorite things about the Pond: they have a Stanley Cup banner, a Western Conference championship banner, and a Pacific Division Champ banner. Really? Winning your division is worthy of a banner?
The West Coast is the Best Coast.
Yeah I think just about any sports team would do the same.
People who save up for a rainy day are like milk. And milk goes good with cookies, so you should have those people over for cookies.
I just feel bad
for the season ticket holder highlighted at each Kings game.
Been a season ticket holder for 25+ yrs and you look up and only see a Smythe divsion banner and Campbell conference banner. Hell the Sparks have as many banners hanging in the Staples Center.
Nicely done, Rudy. Now SBN will probably have me never take a vacation again.
Meanwhile, is my boxscore broken, or was there another case of marSHant? Well done, you leprechaun.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
Yeah but lame turnovers are still fuckilling us.
People who save up for a rainy day are like milk. And milk goes good with cookies, so you should have those people over for cookies.
It’s so frustratingly formulaic — even though I can’t watch, I’ve seen it before.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
Yeah, we actually looked really good with the empty net. We had a poster from Getzlaf in addition to the goal.
The guys played the last 2 minutes differently. I know they had an extra man, but that wasn’t it. They had determination, heart; desire to win. They need to play like this for all 60 minutes.
Right now it’s “We could score, but that would mean we’d have the lead – so let’s wait til we’re losing to start trying”
People who save up for a rainy day are like milk. And milk goes good with cookies, so you should have those people over for cookies.
2 pretty goddamn important games to win at home against bubble teams — and within 2 minutes of each opening whistle they gave up an opposition goal.
Pretty soon that will be the signal for Anaheim fans to get back in their cars and go home — there’s very little evidence that there’s any reason to think that they can turn those shit-the-bed starts into wins.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
Look who is directly responsible both times
Christiansan. That guy sucks dick.
The other new comers are pretty good, but I also Blame one of those goals on Carlye. Why the fuck put Brookbank and Festerling on defense with Teemu’s line out there. Teemus’s line = 0 Defense. I get the idea, that line should keep the puck in the offensive zone the whole time, but it was a gamble that failed.
If Scott and Chris play almost 30 minutes a game PLUS you got Whitney, why would you EVER need to pair to greenhorns like that?
I hate this crap.
yea hate a lot of things…sucks to be as lowly as the queens….its a kick in the balls
El Spade-o
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 9, 2009 9:47 AM PDT up reply actions
except
sucks to be as lowly as the queens
The Kings beat both Dallas and the Wild. Right now I’d say we are lower than the Kings. The bright side…. there’s not really a bright side. We managed to not suck enough to not get a great draft position, but we are pretty much a long shot to make the playoffs right now, so we can’t get lucky in the first round or anything to justify it.
i knew that…i was just trying to take the queens down with us on this sinking ship
i live with a penguins fan….sucks that i have to watch his team win all these games in a row…with kunitz to top it off…
El Spade-o
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 9, 2009 1:04 PM PDT up reply actions
Surprise, cockfags!
Thank God. I begged for this for the Stars/Ducks game. You never disappoint, RK!
Fuck you, Denis Gauthier. You deserved that 5-game suspension.
Why do Kings fans get to determine what the Ducks gameday posts contain?
Next Kings post must contain Dustin Br—— ……..Hoffman… riding a unicycle… under water… naked, and RudyKelly has to swear that he finds it attractive.
Since apparently that’s the way things work around here now :[
People who save up for a rainy day are like milk. And milk goes good with cookies, so you should have those people over for cookies.
Why do Kings fans get to determine what the Ducks gameday posts contain?
Because it occasionally comes with Corey Perry etch-a-sketch beauty. That and the fact that we’ve failed to draw up some actual regulations for this site. It wouldn’t surprise me if Sleek changed this blog to the Battle of Chicago (despite the lack of a second team there) because of the Pahlsson move.
But don’t fret. Sleek will be back from his non-hockey vacation from Hawaii soon.. but only if the Ducks get back in the playoff picture.
Fuck you, Denis Gauthier. You deserved that 5-game suspension.
by Kevin Y on Mar 9, 2009 6:04 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Burning question: What will Sleek write in his gameday posts once the topic of hockey becomes utterly too depressing?
Yeah, I’m still out of town for one more game, but here’s roughly what I expect:
- Ducks fall down 0-1 at roughly the 1:26 mark of the first period.
- Ducks will valiantly try to tie the score for roughly the next 2 periods of play — will get it to a 1-2 deficit by the start of the 3rd.
- Midway through the third it will be 1-3 on an atrocious example of defensive coverage.
- Ducks will score a meaningless 2nd goal in the dying minutes and Hayward will brag about the scoring chance count. The word “snakebitten” will be used roughly 53 times.
- Rudy will fall asleep laughing.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
thats about the pattern..you forgot the ducks will keep making long passes straight into a clogged neutral zone…and pucks just plinko-ing off the forwards…
also heyward will mention that (insert goaltender here) had a great game and couldnt do anything about the goals that went in
also heyward will mention that ducks “D” will have to activate…hell say that when like always were down a goal or 2 in the 3rd…
El Spade-o
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 9, 2009 1:03 PM PDT up reply actions
the ducks will keep making long passes straight into a clogged neutral zone
EXACTLY. It’s like, “Figure it the fuck out, that’s not working!”
People who save up for a rainy day are like milk. And milk goes good with cookies, so you should have those people over for cookies.
thats why im starting to think maybe its coaching….
El Spade-o
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 9, 2009 1:54 PM PDT up reply actions
Dude, can you see into the future? This is probably one prediction you’re absolutely guaranteed to get right.
Ducks next game: they host the Canucks, two days after they play the Kings. How is that working for them?
LA 5-4 DAL (OT); ANA 2-3 DAL
LA 4-3 MIN; ANA 2-3 MIN
The Kings are gonna beat the Canucks (Barbs’ first game back at Staples, though Luongo will probably get the start), and then the Ducks are gonna lose 3-2. It’s inevitable.
Fuck you, Denis Gauthier. You deserved that 5-game suspension.
Yup. And to ensure that this prediction does not miss, Christiansen will take a penalty in the first 20 seconds or pass the puck right to the opposition for a clean break-away.
Once they score that goal, Hayward will say, “it’s going to be very tough for Anaheim’s forwards to breakthrough the Canucks D now that they have a lead. They are very tough to play against when they have the lead on you”
good one…i cant remember him not saying that in almost every game
El Spade-o
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 9, 2009 2:34 PM PDT up reply actions
Don’t even bother to watch it on Wednesday. Watch “American Idol” or something.
Fuck you, Denis Gauthier. You deserved that 5-game suspension.
laker game that day im good…ill switch during commericals for a good laugh
El Spade-o
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 9, 2009 2:48 PM PDT up reply actions
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!
Related FanPosts on Battle of California
Related FanShots on Battle of California
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Recent FanPosts
5 years old and counting!
SBNation.com Recent Stories
In Association With
Latest Puck Daddy - NHL from Yahoo! Sports
- Marek Vs. Wyshynski Radio: Actor Dean McDermott on LA hockey; Kevin Allen on Tortorella; Game 3 preview
- Ryan Getzlaf’s controversial kneeing major leads to Slovakia’s elimination of Canada at Worlds (VIDEO)
- In defense of John Tortorella’s media misbehavior
- NBC News apologizes for Kings-sized Los Angeles/Sacramento logo screw-up (VIDEO)
- Wednesday’s Three Stars: Devils win; Kreider ties record; Brodeur’s sick save
