Create your own post-Kings career recovery story
Has the whole effing world gone crazy?
Kyle Calder is going to camp with the Anaheim Ducks on a tryout contract. Jason Allison is going to camp with the Toronto Maple Leafs on a tryout contract. Dan Cloutier is going to camp with the Detroit Red Wings on a tryout contract. And Marc Crawford is head coach of the Dallas Effing Stars.
Three guys who essentially ran their careers into the ground while making stops in Los Angeles, plus Jason Allison, who at least gets his own category -- he at least had a good season in a Kings uniform before his hockey career plummeted. But did Gary Bettman institute some sort of "Cash for King-Castoff-Clunkers" program I didn't hear about? Weird.
Now I should be clear -- except for Crawford, the three ex-King players are only on preseason-tryout contracts; it's probably likely that none of them get past training camp, and if they do, it will probably be at near league-minimum salary. But wouldn't it be funny (from the non-Kings-fan perspective, of course) if these bizarre comeback attempts actually worked out for these ex-Kings, finally removed from the poisonous clutches of "Loss" Angeles? Can you imagine how red Rudy's face would get if Crow-job won the Adams Trophy (over runner-up Andy Murray, of course), if Damn Cloutier became a capable puck-stopper for the hated Red Wings, if Jason Slow-ison somehow revived his playmaker hands, and if Kyle Cancer proved an effective offensive weapon for the rival Ducks? Frankly, I'm having too much fun thinking about the silly improbabilities of success, but I know I'd laugh and laugh and laugh.
As for Rudy? Well, I can only imagine.

Finally, the Kings can join in with the Ducks' and Sharks' BoC tradition.
Of course, I'm being silly. Rudy's real pain this spring won't be caused by the success of ex-Kings; I'm sure he'll devote many more swear words towards the non-success of the actual Kings squad. Still, it's fun to imagine -- heck, maybe Tom Preissing can win himself a Norris Trophy, that'd be hilarious, right? Feel free to add your own devilish twists of fate in the comments.
For a more thorough list of training camp tryout hopefuls, including Manny Legace, Kyle McLaren, and Darryl Sydor, go see Puck Daddy.
Unrelated blog news: I should mention, I suppose, a big moment in the history of BoC (or alternatively, a low moment in the history of THN), but Earl Sleek and BattleOfCali.com did get a mention in the September 7 issue of The Hockey News, what had been up until that moment a reputable publication. THN did a 30-team preview and included independent blogger viewpoints, including mine for the Ducks and PJ's for the Sharks, both found on page 33.
I really should be more proud of this, as it is a big deal, but in some e-mail haste I sent over a pretty underwhelming quote:
It'll be interesting to see how the blueline holds together in the absence of Chris Pronger; most of the defensemen not named Scott Niedermayer are relatively new to the club.
It's definitely the key issue for Anaheim, I think, but it sounds way uncompelling -- offseason reporting at its blandest. PJ's contribution was about a thousand times better -- sounds like it was written by an actual human:
Fans want more of an old-school mentality from San Jose in 2009-10: mean in front of the net and in the corners, point-blank garbage goals, treating every game against Anaheim and Detroit like a statement game. The Sharks need to get mad.
Well done, PJ. So kudos to the Hockey News' Adam Proteau for reaching out to independent bloggers, and to Sharkspage, A Queen Among Kings, Andrew's Stars Page, and Five For Howling for also getting THN-recognized (plus 25 non-Pacific non-mentions). If you're really dying to see it in print, follow this link and click on John Tavares' face; when the magazine pops up, turn to p.33.
Happy Lazy Labor Day. Go Ducks.
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23 comments
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Comments
Of all the guys you mentioned, I would have the biggest problem with Coutier having a good season. The Kings had to pay him a million dollars last year when he wasn’t even on the team. Not to mention that he’s trying out for the Red Wings which makes it a million times worse.
by RealDrew on Sep 7, 2009 10:49 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
OH...
and congrats on getting into the hockey news.
by RealDrew on Sep 7, 2009 10:52 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Heh yeah — I guess the best thing is that I didn’t shut the door on future blogger mentions. That’s gotta be considered a win.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
by Earl Sleek on Sep 7, 2009 11:16 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
do these people who mention BOC read the blog thoroughly?…Im guessing if they did they would have a disclaimer in parenthis (mispelled)
half the time we talk about boobs and mustache rides..hockey talk take a back seat
still it is cool they mention it….congrats..
p.s. yea the quote they used of u was so Un-earl..i expected more earl intellect
Put those cookies back..Mutha fucka!!
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 8, 2009 7:31 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Yeah, no kidding. I don’t even have any real good excuse, other than I guess they caught me in an extremely lazy portion of my offseason (it was more than a month ago, I think). Next time I’ll put in a little effort and send a state rape cartoon.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
by Earl Sleek on Sep 8, 2009 7:36 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
All right, so now that I’m going to college in Minnesota, I have a lot of time to think. And you know what I realized? RUDY KELLY IS KELLY HRUDEY BACKWARDS!!!! AND THIS WHOLE TIME I THOUGHT IT WAS HIS FUCKING REAL NAME. Damn. And to think I made it to college.
by klink3115 on Sep 7, 2009 11:06 AM PDT reply actions 4 recs
Nothing to add to that, except: That is awesome.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
by Earl Sleek on Sep 7, 2009 11:14 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I had to rec that. Awesome.
SNN Sports - A theoretical Oilers blog (i.e. theoretically, I write stuff there)
by Doogie2K on Sep 7, 2009 12:18 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I’m fairly sure pj48 is pj48’s real name, though.
Put the Prozac away, what you need is Rat Poison.
by brokenyard on Sep 7, 2009 2:12 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Holy shit
So is that where Rudy Kelly comes from?
Wow. I never thought of that. MIND STATUS = BLOWN
http://sacrificethebody.blogspot.com/
Sacrifice the Body - Examining the NHL through statistical analysis, reasoned thought, and blind conjecture.
by IAmJoe on Sep 7, 2009 9:35 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
yea i didnt pick that up right away either…duh
im guessing his real name is brian…brodie or juilo
Put those cookies back..Mutha fucka!!
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 8, 2009 7:28 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
It’s kind of amazing that so many readers are having this revelation, though I’ll admit the first time I heard it I thought, “Huh, what an oddly ordinary web alias” before it dawned on me.
Don’t go trying to decipher the name Earl Sleek, though — that’s just a name I stole from an obscure 90s video game.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
by Earl Sleek on Sep 8, 2009 7:38 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
your name is beliable cuz your dad is irish…not sure if earl is irish but it sounds like it..
earl o conner earl o malley..i could see that…………
Put those cookies back..Mutha fucka!!
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 8, 2009 7:45 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
whats more stupid is rudy has mention more than once that kelly hrudey is one of his all time favorite players…doh!!
Put those cookies back..Mutha fucka!!
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 8, 2009 7:49 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Yeah, I believe I realized it the first time he mentioned being a fan of Hrudey. The name looks different enough that it doesn’t really jump in your face without that connection.
by Malurous on Sep 9, 2009 4:01 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
The Drummer for the Barenaked Ladies: And now, the winner of the 2009-2010 Frank Selke Award for most outstanding defensive forward… Brian Will- Ack!"
Rudy Kelly: Brian Willsie will never win that award! NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!" *goes down in a hail of bullets
The West Coast is the Best Coast.
by RudyKelly on Sep 7, 2009 11:57 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
RUDY KELLY IS KELLY HRUDEY BACKWARDS!!!! AND THIS WHOLE TIME I THOUGHT IT WAS HIS FUCKING REAL NAME.
My real name is Felix Vachon. Common mistake.
The West Coast is the Best Coast.
by RudyKelly on Sep 7, 2009 11:58 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
God, that picture of Doughty on p. 33
Staring at the puck like it’s a cheeseburger. I love it.
Put the Prozac away, what you need is Rat Poison.
by brokenyard on Sep 7, 2009 2:13 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Seriously, a great shot. “No, you can’t have any, Sedin. This is my pot pie.”
http://www.battleofcali.com/
by Earl Sleek on Sep 8, 2009 7:41 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Leave Doughty alone, he’s not fat. :(
The West Coast is the Best Coast.
by RudyKelly on Sep 8, 2009 8:55 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Were you aware that Manny Legace and Darryl Sydor used to be Kings’ properties as well, Earl?
The West Coast is the Best Coast.
by RudyKelly on Sep 8, 2009 2:25 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Yeah, but that Puck Daddy link was a late throw-in. I didn’t know they were getting looks until later.
Besides, those two guys at least played respectable hockey after L.A.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
by Earl Sleek on Sep 8, 2009 2:39 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Well, as a Stars fan, I’m not completely sure what to think of Crawford.
Except for that HAIR! Gawd, his hair is massive! And he has a weird voice.
Ok, I’m done…
by Brad_Richards_Rocks on Sep 9, 2009 8:07 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

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