Good work, Rudy — that’s a tough exercise to sort through.

There’s definitely some guys I wouldn’t mind lifting from other teams — Vlasic, Dumont, either Sedin, Franzen, Lehtinen, to name a few — but I’d have to sit down with some paper to sort that all out. Also, I might just end up choosing players that I’m sick of playing against — hard to ignore that bias.

Afinogenov would probably end up off my list, though — he’s amusing, but probably because his frustrating moments are costing some other team.

but on the plus side I know that I never have to worry about them actually winning anything

We won the Presidents’ Trophy damnit!!! That’s something!! (stomps off pouting)

Stay away from Mitchell, he’s ours!

You are one funny fucking dude Rudy.
You make reading about the kings interesting, now if someone can do the same about watching them.

(Note: this comment is fucking long. If you’re lazy, skip 1. and 6., they don’t have any jokes. Then it’s just long, no expletive required.)

Awesome post! Some fantastic jokes there.

Gotta say that I agree about how good Zbynek Michalek is. Hopefully he’ll play for a good team some day and people will hear his name.

Who would I want on my team (the Bruins, in this case)? For this exercise, I’ll ignore the cap, the team needs and whoever would be replaced.

1. The obvious first answer is Vincent Lecavalier, as he’s awesome to watch (he’s really not very efficient as it seems that most of his cool things don’t end up on the score sheet), is a good guy with heart, his franchise has turned into a circus so I want him out of there and, more importantly, I’ve liked him since he came to the league and he’s been my favorite player for at least six years (since Patrick Roy retired), or perhaps even eight years (since Ray Bourque retired). And hey, I don’t have any Quebec fetish, I’ve gone purely by playing style here. Memorable moment regarding Vinny? When he lifted me from the brink of tears into celebration in the latest World Cup when just after Finland had lost Lecavalier was named the tournament MVP.

2. The second forward would be Ville Leino. His unorthodox puck protecting style makes him look hilarious when he plays, his attitude is hilarious (he apparently quit giving any effort in the AHL last year after he had pretty much established himself as first call-up and this season regular, and back in Finland he usually didn’t play for real until the post-season), his face is hilarious and the white skates he used to wear were hilarious. Also, he’s a creative guy and I trust him to do well in the NHL. And he led my childhood hometown team to their only championship, so that’s a bonus. Then again, I’m not really a fan of the team and I couldn’t attend when the drinking happened, so I’m not sure that it matters.

3. The third forward would be Travis Zajac. The only reason is that I like him and he plays for the Devils, whom I hate. So I want him out of there so I don’t have to feel confused when he does well. And I don’t want to name Olli Jokinen even though he’s awesome because his head looks like a pumpkin and he’s by all accounts both extremely stupid and a jerk. That’s because I’m pretty sure the Bruins would never make it out of the first round with him, ‘coz I think he’s cursed. Hey, someone consult a black magic book or something and see if there’s a curse that causes you to become a stupid jerk that never wins and looks like a pumpkin, maybe it can be reversed. Or perhaps a spell that turns his head into a carriage until midnight, that would be funny.

4. & 5. The d-men are Boris Valabik and Hal Gill (for a second time in Boston). Granted, Boston already has the 6’9 Chara, so you might figure I already have my huge d-man quota filled. But no way, I like the lumbering variety of huge d-men, and Chara’s too offensively proficient and, most importantly, way too mobile. I prefer d-men whose ability to turn around reminds me of an aircraft carrier, and these guys fit the bill. As a bonus, no other team in the league would have a full-time d-man taller than 6’6 while Boston would have three.

4. Gill is a lumbering d-man who’s actually pretty good defensively and a very good PKer and he’s 6’7 tall. He’s the guy who originally started my love for huge defensemen with limited movement, so he should be here.

5. Valabik is a lumbering d-man who takes really stupid penalties because he plays so aggressively that it’s frickin’ violent, he’s 6’7 tall, he’s not very good at hockey and his first name is Boris. How awesome is that?!? I remember when he was drafted and I’ve been following him since then – I mean, he was huge, his name was Boris and he gave comments about how great it would be to come to North America because he couldn’t stay out of the box at all in Europe. What’s not to like? Besides, he’s my brother’s favorite hockey player for the same reasons. His other favorite is Sharks (hurray for BoC content!) prospect goalie Harri Säteri, because his last name sounds like Shatner. His old favorite was Alexei Zhitnik, because the “Zhit” in Zhitnik sounds like shit. Yeah, so he doesn’t follow hockey, but Boris is in pretty good company here nevertheless.

6. The goalie would be Kari Lehtonen. I’d make the argument that he’s more underrated than Vokoun – at least everyone accepts that Vokoun is a very good starter, while you sometimes hear speculation that Atlanta should be getting a new starter. Give me a break, the guy is a top 5 starter in the league right now. His numbers are ridiculously much above anyone else that has played for the franchise. He played for Finland at the Worlds once, and there you could see how awesome he was behind something resembling a defense (and even that defense was kinda crappy).

Hey everybody I’ve decided to comment again! Sorry, during the offseason it’s hard to stay focused. But with the Kings first preseason game on Tuesday, I need to get back in the mood.

Kings fans of course want Kovalchuk, but I don’t think there’s any way we get him. I think he’ll re-sign in Atlanta, but if he leaves as a free agent, he’ll go to Toronto or some other Northeastern team because they get all the good UFAs.

Only one of those players I think the Kings would realistically consider pursuing is Michalek. Playing in Phoenix, we’ve seen so much of him, and his brother also, since he’s in the division. I love the way Zbynek plays, and he kicks ass on NHL 09 (can’t wait for the new game to come out on Tuesday, which I won’t play since I’ll be at the preseason game). And I think they’ll have a need for a young, yet experienced defenseman after O’Donnell decides to hang it up.

They might not go after him because they value Hickey and Teubert so much, but it’s gonna be tough to expect Doughty, Hickey, and Teubert to all equal the hype.

reading that story. I probably would have laughed had I saw it in person too.
btw, Torrey Mitchell is Ethan Hawke’s clone, minus the douchebagginess.
Maybe this explains the little mancrush.

had me lauging out loud. my co-workers think i’m cracking up, staring at my screen and trying to choke back that laughter.