BoC: The Movie 33 1/3: Die Darkman Die
by RudyKelly on Jan 14, 2010 8:35 AM PST
64 comments
The problem with the San Jose Sharks is that they're under the mistaken impression that their life is a drama when it's really a comedy. Their whole team is ridiculous and they always manage to lose in the most comical fashions; it's like every season is a season of Blackadder. To acknowledge that I tried to cast mostly comedic characters for our San Jose part of the movie, which can be seen below.
The role of Joe Thornton will be played by Jason Segel
This casting decision is pretty perfect. Both are big guys who are unexpectedly sensitive and both love puppets. I can just imagine Jason Segel futilely trying to make toast before giving up in frustration. They have the same type of beard, their dicks look the same, it's a perfect call!
I was also thinking that David Carradine would be a perfect casting call since he and Thornton know a lot about choking but that idea died a few months ago.
The role of Patrick Marleau will be played by Bob Newhart
"Hey, um, Joe, I was doing some thinking and, I, uh, kind of thought, well what I mean is, you should, what I'm trying to say is, uh... the puck. You should, you should pass me the puck."
(As an aside, how awesome is that dog? He has a more natural smile than Marleau. I like to think that dog is smooth as hell and constantly tries to make Marleau look good but Marleau always fucks it up because he's awkward.)
The role of Todd McLellan will be played by Andy Serkis
They have the same look and both have that look in their eyes that let you know they're dicks. Plus all the nerds in San Jose would probably cum in their pants if someone from Lord of the Rings was their coach.
The role of Marc-Edouard Vlasic will be played by Nick Jonas
I know they don't look the same age but we can make Nick Jonas look a little younger to play the part.
The role of Devin Setoguchi will be played by Ken Watanabe
In Hollywood, all Asian guys are played by Ken Watanabe.
The role of Evgeni Nabokov will be played by John Hodgman
The playoffs will be played by Justin Long.
The role of Rob Blake would be played by Michael Berryman
Who better to play an inhuman monster than an inhuman monster?
The role of Joe Pavelski will be played by Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel
Joe Pavelski: McLellan really speaks to me, the average Joe six-tooth.
Ryane Clowe: When did you get another tooth?
Pavelski: The sidewalk.
The role of Dan Boyle will be played by Danny Huston
Is it just me or does Dan Boyle kind of look like a dick? I bet he's really an asshole, just like Danny Huston. I think. I don't know, maybe they're both good guys but they look like assholes to me.
Also, during the last Kings-Sharks game Jimmy Fox said the following: "If you added another 6 inches to Dan Boyle, and removed their jerseys, and had them stand next to each other, you would have trouble telling him and Drew Doughty apart." Umm, what the hell are you trying to say, Jimmy?
The role of Mike Chen will be played by Ken Watanabe
See? All Asian guys are played by Ken Watanabe.
The role of Megalodon will be played by Kiff Kroker
Let's see, a mincing little gaywad that loves Asian chicks? Sounds about right.
2 recs |
64 comments
|
Email
Print
Comments
their dicks look the same
Why you know what Thorntons dick looks like scares me a little. Otherwise, perfect match!
I like to think that dog is smooth as hell and constantly tries to make Marleau look good but Marleau always fucks it up because he’s awkward.
HAHAHA! The dog TOTALLY looks like the master in that photo! Thats hilarious!
GO DUCKS!!!
DUCKSandPUCKS.com
SKeleven on Twitter
by SK eleven on Jan 14, 2010 8:53 AM PST reply actions 0 recs
Well, Mike Chen brought up Marleau’s unibrow yesterday, and I compiled these two images, but yeah, it’s really just about their one feature:
The second one is way too angry to be Marleau.
http://www.battleofcali.com/
by Earl Sleek on Jan 14, 2010 8:56 AM PST reply actions 0 recs
I think Ernie’s blank stare and unibrow fits quite well for Patty.
by Mike Chen on Jan 14, 2010 1:41 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Pat Marleau/Bob Newhart is awesome. I’m pretty sure Bob’s awkwardness is played for comedic effect, where Marleau’s is just painful (like mine). Newhart was the original Michael Cera.
by Nut on Jan 14, 2010 8:57 AM PST reply actions 0 recs
Oh and my roommate complained that I didn’t cast him with the Ducks. (This is in spite of the fact that he’s never commented on here and never reads the site because, and I quote, "I’m not a fucking loser.") So you should all know that my roommate is Sean William Scott’s long lost twin in both appearance and attitude.
The West Coast is the Best Coast.
by RudyKelly on Jan 14, 2010 9:01 AM PST reply actions 0 recs
Yeah, he doesn’t sound like a fucking loser at all.
Shuckton 2028!
by Niesy on Jan 14, 2010 11:39 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Seann William Scott’s attitude, or Steve Stifler’s attitude?
Anaheim Ducts
by brokenyard on Jan 14, 2010 3:49 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Same thing.
The West Coast is the Best Coast.
by RudyKelly on Jan 14, 2010 3:49 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
nabby could also be gordon ramsay…they got the same temperment also
great post rudy..the rob blake comparision was awesome
"I like people who shake other people up and make them feel uncomfortable."
Jim Morrison quote
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jan 14, 2010 9:06 AM PST reply actions 0 recs
They do look pretty close, but Gordon Ramsey has a wrinkly face born out of being in pressure situations and coming out of top. Nabokovs face seems remarkably wrinkle free!
by Nut on Jan 14, 2010 9:10 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
The problem with the San Jose Sharks is that they’re under the mistaken impression that their life is a drama when it’s really a comedy.
its funny cuz sharks fans dont realize this at all…
"I like people who shake other people up and make them feel uncomfortable."
Jim Morrison quote
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jan 14, 2010 9:07 AM PST reply actions 0 recs
HEY!!! you and me need to talk bout our friendship dude! :)
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
by ang6666 on Jan 14, 2010 9:09 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
its funny cuz sharks fans dont realize this at all…
That’s what makes it so funny.
The West Coast is the Best Coast.
by RudyKelly on Jan 14, 2010 9:11 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
angie just proved your point rudy
"I like people who shake other people up and make them feel uncomfortable."
Jim Morrison quote
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jan 14, 2010 9:12 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
uh huh! deep down you guys wish you could be more like the Sharks … :)
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
by ang6666 on Jan 14, 2010 9:15 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
nah, I’d much rather have 16 great games in April May and June than 82 games that only lead to huge disappointment! :)
GO DUCKS!!!
DUCKSandPUCKS.com
SKeleven on Twitter
by SK eleven on Jan 14, 2010 9:21 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
(puts CK on the “need to talk bout our friendship” list as well)
:)
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
by ang6666 on Jan 14, 2010 9:22 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
yea being a sharks fans is like scoring a hot chic only to cum in your pants when u finally get her clothes off…dooooooh..disapointment
"I like people who shake other people up and make them feel uncomfortable."
Jim Morrison quote
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jan 14, 2010 9:23 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
do that often?
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
by ang6666 on Jan 14, 2010 9:23 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
um no…errr…uh…happened to a friend
"I like people who shake other people up and make them feel uncomfortable."
Jim Morrison quote
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jan 14, 2010 9:24 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
how often did it happen to this “friend”?
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
by ang6666 on Jan 14, 2010 9:43 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Have you noticed his total silence?
Shuckton 2028!
by Niesy on Jan 14, 2010 7:02 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Okay … how do you know what Thornton’s dick looks like? And if you have proof, such as pics, please send.
Since when does being half asian make you all asian?
And Boyle is fucking hotter than hell itself! Couldn’t you find someone that even somewhat comes close to that??
(as a side note, asshole or not, wouldn’t mind him in bed with me …. too much info?)
(needs to send this to all my friends now – they are going to – damn funny)
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
by ang6666 on Jan 14, 2010 9:13 AM PST reply actions 0 recs
Since when does being half asian make you all asian?
Now, now. There’s nothing us half-asians hate more than non-asians or full-asians arguing on our behalf. :)
http://www.battleofcali.com/
by Earl Sleek on Jan 14, 2010 9:16 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
clever…“behalf” tee-hee
"I like people who shake other people up and make them feel uncomfortable."
Jim Morrison quote
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jan 14, 2010 9:18 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
actually I can do so … the boys’ dad is half asian as well … my boys are a quarter … and me being half Guatemalan, I hate being put in one bucket or another instead of being considered everything that I am … :)
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
by ang6666 on Jan 14, 2010 9:18 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
It’s more a joke about Hollywood being assholes when it comes to casting Asian roles than it is a commentary on Devin Setoguchi’s race.
The West Coast is the Best Coast.
by RudyKelly on Jan 14, 2010 9:22 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
oh I know that … I was just making a dig back … :)
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
by ang6666 on Jan 14, 2010 9:23 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Actually, all roles go to John Cho now. Ken Watanabe is so five years ago.
Case in point: 30-year-old Chinese dude Cho is supposed to play 20-year-old Japanese dude Sulu in Star Trek. I think Patrick Stewart just should have done every role in that movie.
by Mike Chen on Jan 14, 2010 1:43 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Ken Watanabe is so five years ago
Right and before that in the 80s it was David Caradine right?
by Mike in OC on Jan 14, 2010 4:40 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
in the 80s it was David Caradine right?
Pat Morita rolls over in his grave…
2009-10 Kings Hockey: Delivering Milk Steaks from the Meat Train at an arena near you!
by DodgerBlueBalls on Jan 14, 2010 5:14 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
And then he rolls over again when he sees the trailer for The Karate Kid remake in the Heaven Multiplex.
by Mike Chen on Jan 14, 2010 5:21 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
So that Modern Family show is about you guys?
by Mike Chen on Jan 14, 2010 1:42 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
ha ha! you made me go look up what it was about. and no, my family is so much more interesting. :)
but major pet peeve is when someone tries to get me to fill out those damn little boxes saying what I am. or saying what my boys are. we are in fucking 2010 now and they still don’t understand that you could fit in more than one damn box or two.
another pet peeve is when someone tells me “oh you’re just a white girl” … yeah … let me tell my born and raised Guatemalan dad that. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled with that comment. You know how calm hispanic men are. (ha!)
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
by ang6666 on Jan 14, 2010 2:00 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Haha – Rudy’s a racist.
Never go to the South for any reason.
by Megalodon on Jan 14, 2010 2:28 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
SHUT UP WOP
The West Coast is the Best Coast.
by RudyKelly on Jan 14, 2010 2:34 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Also, I’ve learned through my Google Image Searches for Kiff and Milhouse that people are fucking disgusting.
The West Coast is the Best Coast.
by RudyKelly on Jan 14, 2010 9:32 AM PST reply actions 0 recs
of course i went and looked..i guess sleek isnt the only one who draws funny cartoons
"I like people who shake other people up and make them feel uncomfortable."
Jim Morrison quote
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jan 14, 2010 9:43 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
more disgusting than you? :)
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
by ang6666 on Jan 14, 2010 9:43 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Yeah I like the ones about Blake, Nabokov, and all the others that I came up with. Seriously, this is some of my best work.
And you better be fucking talking about Kif in the first two season, since after that he sucks and I am NOTHING like him.
Never go to the South for any reason.
by Megalodon on Jan 14, 2010 9:37 AM PST reply actions 0 recs
That would be assuming anyone watched that show and knew what you were talking about.
by Nut on Jan 14, 2010 9:44 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Why yes, I was assuming that.
Never go to the South for any reason.
by Megalodon on Jan 14, 2010 2:28 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
In keeping with the comedy motiff...
=
2009-10 Kings Hockey: Delivering Milk Steaks from the Meat Train at an arena near you!
by DodgerBlueBalls on Jan 14, 2010 10:35 AM PST reply actions 0 recs
I always took Mike Chen as the bobby Lee type
Especially when lee is playing Connie Chung or Kim Jong-Il.
I like my goals like I like my booze..... Top shelf.
by GhostOfLinkGaetz on Jan 14, 2010 10:36 AM PST reply actions 0 recs
hahaha
"I like people who shake other people up and make them feel uncomfortable."
Jim Morrison quote
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jan 14, 2010 10:37 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Aww c’mon. Not all Asians are played by Ken Watanabe. The young are played by John Cho.
UNRELATED: Handel is the most overrated composer ever...
by Bleys on Jan 14, 2010 11:31 AM PST via mobile reply actions 0 recs
Ah, I didn’t see this comment when I made my John Cho comment up there. I’m scrolling downward after being out of commission all day.
by Mike Chen on Jan 14, 2010 1:44 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Hahaha…you nailed Patty perfectly. He’s super awkward…except when he’s putting ’em in the back of the net! Hey-o!
by cyoung on Jan 14, 2010 1:13 PM PST via mobile reply actions 0 recs
But seriously, he’s super awkward.
by cyoung on Jan 14, 2010 1:13 PM PST via mobile up reply actions 0 recs
That’s why the dog adopted him at the shelter.
Shuckton 2028!
by Niesy on Jan 14, 2010 1:31 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
While I was driving to work I was thinking of Patty and that dog at a park. That dog would go up to a bunch of hot chicks and bark and wag his tail and be all adorable, and then when the girls fawned over him Patty would walk up and say, “Uh, hey, how you girls doing?” and then the girls would way walk away and the dog would look at Patty with contempt.
It’s funny in my head.
The West Coast is the Best Coast.
by RudyKelly on Jan 14, 2010 2:04 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Patty would shrug his unibrow in apathy and go home. But then he’d go to work and score a bunch of goals!
by Mike Chen on Jan 14, 2010 2:24 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
That is exactly how it would go down. Next episode, he’s walking by the beach and they meet a group of bikini girls. The pup rolls over fetchingly and the girls all start a chorus of “AwwWWWWWwww!” and crouch down to pet him. Marleau stands by awkwardly for a full minute and then ventures, “Uh, wow, I wish I could um, get a belly rub too” and then the girls cry “Ew!” and flee. Cute Dog puts his paws over his eyes and groans, and the soundtrack goes waah-waaaaa.
The weird thing is that I know a dog that looks exactly like him. It’s hard to walk him because people are always stopping their cars and crossing the street to fawn and gush. He loves being picked up and cuddled by girls, and they call him ‘Rico Suave.’
Shuckton 2028!
by Niesy on Jan 14, 2010 7:01 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
as long as he keeps putting them in the back of the net, I’m all good with his awkwardness.
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
by ang6666 on Jan 14, 2010 2:01 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
as long as he keeps putting them in the back of the net, I’m all good with his awkwardness.
And when the goals stop or slow down?
Oh yeah, that’s when all te trade rumors start.
by Mike in OC on Jan 14, 2010 4:44 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Take away his C!
The West Coast is the Best Coast.
by RudyKelly on Jan 14, 2010 4:48 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
we’ll cross that road when we get to it … :)
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
by ang6666 on Jan 14, 2010 6:07 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
we’ll cross that road when we get to it … :)..again
FIXED.
by Mike in OC on Jan 15, 2010 1:15 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Danny Heatley
is Curly Top.
Shuckton 2028!
by Niesy on Jan 14, 2010 1:30 PM PST reply actions 0 recs
Or you could put a clip of Veruca Salt from the original Willy Wonka.
by Mike Chen on Jan 14, 2010 1:45 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
is Curly Top
As Dany would say, “Uh yeah, no question.” (rubs nose, then sniffles)
Puck Daddy: You would definitely hate the Ducks more than you'd hate the Kings, right?
Joe Pavelski: Yeah, definitely.
by DownRUpLYB on Jan 15, 2010 6:44 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
I just realized that if we really did the BoC Fight Club that we talked about a little while back, being Ken Watanabe is a pretty good start.
by Mike Chen on Jan 14, 2010 5:22 PM PST reply actions 0 recs
well im animal..i dont think anyone wants to mess with me…animal looks like he would bite in a fight
"I like people who shake other people up and make them feel uncomfortable."
Jim Morrison quote
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jan 15, 2010 11:29 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Rob Blake LOL
"Not in your wildest alcoholic nightmare would you ever imagine such events unfolding!" Bill King
by Buck Turgidson on Jan 14, 2010 6:48 PM PST reply actions 0 recs
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Recent FanPosts
FanShots
Quick hits of video, photos, quotes, chats, links and lists that you find around the web.
Recent FanShots
Pacific Standings
| GP | W | L | OTL | PT | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
San Jose
|
68 | 43 | 15 | 10 | 96 |
|
Phoenix
|
69 | 42 | 22 | 5 | 89 |
|
Los Angeles
|
68 | 40 | 23 | 5 | 85 |
|
Dallas
|
68 | 29 | 26 | 13 | 71 |
|
Anaheim
|
68 | 31 | 29 | 8 | 70 |
(updated 3.16.2010 at 5:32 AM PDT)
3 years old and counting!
Certain photos copyright © 2010 by Associated Press or Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Associated Press and Getty Images is strictly prohibited.
