I get roughly two weeks off from Christmas through New Year's to do whatever. I spent most of it visiting friends and family so I was away from a computer most days. That's not bad, necessarily; I spend all day on a computer at work so it's nice to not be tied to one so much. Still, I'm sure you were all worried that Ryan Smyth had taken out his revenge and I was lying underneath the ice at Staples, so I apologize for being out of contact for so long.
There was a lot that happened in my absence; players got hurt, people were hired, people were fired, and both Teams Canada and USA were announced. To help simplify matters I've split the news of the week into 3 groups:
Drew Doughty named to Team Canada
Woohoo! Of course he doesn't deserve it but still, it's pretty cool. Doughty likely won't play but I imagine he'll sit alongside Scott Niedermayer and come back to LA with white out in his pubestache. Good for him.
Woohoo! I think Craig Anderson is better than Jonathan Quick right now but Quick is younger so it makes sense that he'd be the 3rd starter. Quick will likely sit in the press box, although it's not entirely out of the question that Ron Wilson would go with him over Tim Thomas. Brown will likely wear an A and play the 2nd most minutes of any right winger. Should be good for both of them.
Oh, and Jack Johnson made Team USA too but I really can't stand that fucking guy so whatever.
Team USA beats Team Sweden
Woohoo! Fuck you, Sweden! Jesus Christ do I hate Sweden. What a bunch of cowardly little pussies those guys are. From icing the goalie and then whining when they get put on their asses, to throwing elbows because they can't handle a little forechecking, the Swedes needed to get their asses kicked. Now the US gets to stomped by Canada and stand on the silver platform. Good job, boys!
Justin Williams breaks his ankle
Williams is out for almost the rest of the season with a broken ankle, an injury that was suffered 5 minutes into Ryan Smyth's first game back. (Son of a bitch.) I don't know who will replace Williams long term (I missed the game against Washington) but I imagine it'll eventually be Waye Simmonds, as soon as he's healthy enough. Teddy Purcell had been skating with them and just... no.
Is he hurt?
Jeremy Roenick gets a radio podcast or some stupid shit
Jesus Tittyfucking Christ, Dean. I can't think of a single person in Los Angeles who doesn't want Jeremy Roenick flayed alive, and we're giving this dickhead a radio show? I don't understand this at all. And don't say it's because he's interesting, because he's fucking not. He's an interesting hockey player, which is like winning a Kelly Family Big Dick Competition. (You don't have those?) It's like how Matt Greene is funny; he's not, but he's funny in comparison to the legions of humorless dolts that put on skates across the league.
And shut the fuck up, Mike.
Jarret Stoll hurts his hamstring
Stoll should be back tonight but his absence has cost the Kings in previous games. I never thought I'd say this, but Jarret Stoll and Michal Handzus are extremely important for the Kings this season. The key with both of them is that they're defensively responsible enough that they allow their wingers to do whatever they want: Dustin Brown can drive down the side and miss the net by ten feet, Frolov can skate around in the corner for 10 minutes, and Scott Parse can look the Vulture all day because they know their center isn't going to fuck up like Corky Elkins. (Oh, is it Corey? Whatever, Corky is more appropriate.) The Kings need all three of their top centers to be heatlhy to have a shot at the playoffs this season.
Ryan Smyth is ugly
Prediction: Kings win, 4-3. Goals by Richardson, Doughty, Simmonds and Stoll.