Kings Gameday: The Assassination Of Drew Doughty By The Coward Erik Cole

LA Kings (yay!) @ Phoenix Coyotes (who? I mean, boo!), 7:00 PM

Fox Sports West

(Ducks gameday here, Sharks gameday here. Did I wait until Earl and Meg posted so that my gameday would be on top? Yep! Ahahahahahahahaha!!!)

 


 

Villain! Rogue! Rapscallion!

Verily, Erik Cole is a douche bag. I may be biased but it seems obvious to me that Cole, probably furious over the fact that he has a tiny dick or more likely driven mad by the syphillis ravaging his body, got his elbow up in Drew Doughty's grille and knocked him out of yesterday's game. I don't think I'm going overboard when I call for a suspension or... do they do draw & quarter anymore? No? Lousy liberals.

Anyway, Meg doesn't think it was intentional but it sure as shit looks intentional to me. He turned, saw Doughty coming, then raised his hands into Doughty's face. Right? Am I the only one seeing this? It's at the very least dirty as shit and a 5-minute major for interference. The refs missed it, which is whatever, but the league has it on tape. At least fine him and give me the money. I am owed restitution!

The Kings are pretty boned without Drew, although not as boned as they'd be if they lost Anze Kopitar. Jack Johnson will get more ice time with Doughty out and... wait a minute... j'accuse! Conspirator!

Anyway, Lady Macbeth Jack Johnson will get more ice time and the Kings will probably pair either Willie Mitchell or Rob Scuderi with Matt Greene when he makes it back. I think the Kings should roll something like this until Doughty figures out where he is:

Scuderi-Johnson

Mitchell-Greene

Jake Muzzin - Davis Drewiske

Hopefully Doughty is only out today so he can get evaluated for a concussion, then when he's cleared he can join the team. He'll be alright; I've had two concussions and I turned out fine, and I've had two concussions. He just needs to make sure he gets plenty of sleep and relaxes, maybe while listening to some Slayer turned up REALLY LOUD. Maybe listen to Slayer while he sleeps, that's the best cure for a concussion.

The Kings' forward lines made me look good yesterday, as all three top lines scored a goal. It was cool too that all three scored a goal that fit their identity:

The first goal was scored by the second line. Williams took the shot, Stoll drove to the net, and Smyth tapped home the rebound in a scrum.

The second goal was scored by the third line. They chipped the puck in, Simmonds corralled it and took a shot, then the puck was tipped by Alexei Ponikarovsky and again by Michal Handzus, who was credited with the goal.

The third and fourth goals were scored by the first line. Their first goal was started by Dustin Brown, who absolutely destroyed a Hurricane player. Brown got the loose puck to Anze Kopitar, who rifled one of Justin Peters' shoulder for the goal. Their second goal was created by Andrei Loktionov, who set up behind the net and then banked it off Peters' skate for the eventual game winner.

Three lines, different identities, all with goals. The second line crashed the net on a rush, the third line grinded out a goal off a dump 'n chase, the first line scored nifty skill goals. That was cool.

Prediction: Kings win, 2-1. Goals by Simmonds and Muzzin.

...Oh, the Kings are playing the Coyotes tonight. Not sure if I mentioned that. They're, uh, jackalopes? That's something people used to say, right? I'm not sure, I haven't watched Deadwood in a while.

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