Kings Gameday: An Open Letter to The Hockey News

by RudyKelly on Mar 25, 2010 9:54 AM PDT

Next Game

Thursday, Mar 25, 2010, 5:00 PM PDT
Scottrade Center

Bailey_medium

Dear Hockey News,

I recently perused your fair magazine and stumbled across an article that caused me much distress. This article concerned the top 10 mascots in the game of hockey. I began reading the article with great amusement and hurriedly scanned the mascots to find Bailey, the noble feline mascot of the Los Angeles Kings. I was greatly perturbed when I discovered Bailey was missing from your article and even more enraged when I spotted Wild Wing's name on this list.

I invite you to view each mascot's fanpage, where you will note the care Bailey's has been given compared to Wild Wing's. I invite you to view each mascot's most popular video on Youtube; Bailey's can be found here, while Wild Wing's is here. I invite you to consider the two mascot's names: Wild Wing is named after a fan contest and a cartoon while Bailey is named after former hockey player and Kings scout Ace Bailey, who died on 9/11. In summation, I would like to say the following:

HOW DARE YOU!!!! I WILL MURDER

YOUR FAMILY AND EAT YOUR SOUL!!! I

WILL CARVE BAILEY'S NAME INTO YOUR

CHEST WITH MY COCK!!! I WILL MAKE

YOU BLEED FROM EVERY ORIFICE!!!

YOU WILL BEG FOR DEATH BEFORE

THE END AND ONLY THEN WILL YOU

REALIZE THE GRAVITY OF YOUR

MISTAKE!!! I AM BECOME DEATH!!!

I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE!!!

*Ahem

I assume this is just an oversight on your part and is not the result of malice. A simple retraction in your next issue will be sufficient for me to consider this matter closed. If not, however, I will literally fuck you. Good day.

Sincerely,

rudykelly

Prediction: Kings win, 3-2. Somewhere Bailey does a little dance.

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Comments

Bailey Rocks

I would just like to say that I think Bailey is so awesome that I wanted him at my wedding so everyone else could see how awesome he is.

by reba on Mar 25, 2010 10:09 AM PDT reply actions

i could see him leading the conga line at the reception

2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 25, 2010 10:20 AM PDT up reply actions

unfortunately, he didn’t make the final cut. But at least I got my husband to agree with me that it would have been fun.

by reba on Mar 25, 2010 2:21 PM PDT up reply actions

I want to see Fro-Kopitar-Simmonds tonight.

The West Coast is the Best Coast.

by RudyKelly on Mar 25, 2010 10:26 AM PDT reply actions

Favorite Food: BBQ Red Wings and Los Angeles King Crab

I dunno rudy…wild wings favorite food is pretty cool..you might have to reconsider

2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 25, 2010 10:27 AM PDT reply actions

I WILL MAKE YOU BLEED FROM EVERY ORIFICE!!!

The West Coast is the Best Coast.

by RudyKelly on Mar 25, 2010 10:31 AM PDT up reply actions

Plus he looks sexy in a swimsuit.

Also, your rage-font broke my Google reader. Congratulations.

In Dinglebarn We Trust

by Niesy on Mar 25, 2010 10:39 AM PDT reply actions

Rudy, you certainly have a future in public relations or international diplomacy. Keep up the great work my friend!

2009-10 Kings Hockey: Delivering Milk Steaks from the Meat Train at an arena near you!

by DodgerBlueBalls on Mar 25, 2010 10:45 AM PDT reply actions

I will literally fuck you

HAHA

by superfan#99 on Mar 25, 2010 10:50 AM PDT reply actions

Bailey may not be the hero we want, but he’s the hero we need.

by Nut on Mar 25, 2010 11:09 AM PDT reply actions

haha….scooby snack for dark knight reference

2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 25, 2010 11:13 AM PDT up reply actions

“What gives you the right, Bailey?”

“I’m not wearing hockey pads!”

“…Yeah you are. Look, you’re wearing pants and a jersey and-”

“Shut up! I’m Bailey! Yaaaarrgghhh!”

The West Coast is the Best Coast.

by RudyKelly on Mar 25, 2010 11:14 AM PDT up reply actions

Im gonna run out of scooby snacks

so who wants to be part of our teeeeam?

2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 25, 2010 12:30 PM PDT up reply actions

It’s the Hockey News — I’m not sure they’ve even heard of Bailey yet. He needs to make more east coast swings, or better yet, make a playoff appearance — he’ll be on their radar shortly, I guess.

http://www.battleofcali.com/

by Earl Sleek on Mar 25, 2010 11:13 AM PDT reply actions

Who does all of these cartoons? They are hilarious.

Michigan Wolverines - 2010 CCHA Champions!

by Pinchy The Lobster on Mar 25, 2010 11:17 AM PDT reply actions

Welcome, Mr. Pinchy!

I draw them — and it looks like I’m going for nine more — one for each Ducks game. Feel free to stop by and offer more soft criticism! :)

http://www.battleofcali.com/

by Earl Sleek on Mar 25, 2010 11:23 AM PDT up reply actions

Awesome!

Michigan Wolverines - 2010 CCHA Champions!

by Pinchy The Lobster on Mar 25, 2010 11:31 AM PDT up reply actions

Welcome, Earl’s alternate account that he made up to make people think someone actually cares about his cartoons!

The West Coast is the Best Coast.

by RudyKelly on Mar 25, 2010 1:30 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs

haha

es muy caliente.

by tu madre on Mar 26, 2010 7:07 AM PDT up reply actions

thanks again for the round of shots man..was nice meeting you

2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 26, 2010 7:49 AM PDT up reply actions

no prob, nice meeting you too, mang.

es muy caliente.

by tu madre on Mar 29, 2010 4:48 AM PDT up reply actions

BEST POST EVER!!!!

I didn’t really “like” Bailey before seeing this video. That is awesomeness right there.

I don’t have a video of this, but I remember one time Bailey took an opponent fan’s beer right out of his hands and poured it on him. He’s a cool guy.

But I bet he’s a closet Sharks fan.

Denis Gauthier sucks at hockey... and life.

by Kevin Y on Mar 25, 2010 11:18 AM PDT reply actions

I remember one time Bailey took an opponent fan’s beer right out of his hands and poured it on him.

That’s a no-no in Spade’s book.

http://www.battleofcali.com/

by Earl Sleek on Mar 25, 2010 11:20 AM PDT up reply actions

That’s a no-no in Spade’s book.

so is suggesting anyone is this:

But I bet he’s a closet Sharks fan.

2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 25, 2010 12:33 PM PDT up reply actions

By the way Rudy, there IS a game tonight. Just thought you should know…

Denis Gauthier sucks at hockey... and life.

by Kevin Y on Mar 25, 2010 11:26 AM PDT reply actions

What did you think he was predicting? Bailey vs. Wild Wing?

http://www.battleofcali.com/

by Earl Sleek on Mar 25, 2010 11:29 AM PDT up reply actions

Could be.

Of course, nobody reads the predictions, right?….. Right?…..

Denis Gauthier sucks at hockey... and life.

by Kevin Y on Mar 25, 2010 11:30 AM PDT up reply actions

We’re playing the Blues and I couldn’t watch the game last night. This is the result.

The West Coast is the Best Coast.

by RudyKelly on Mar 25, 2010 1:35 PM PDT up reply actions

Offensive lines I think the Kings should roll

Frolov-Kopitar-Simmonds
Smyth-Stoll-Williams
Modin-Handzus-Brown
Clune-Richardson-Halpern

…with Richardson shifting for Modin every now and again.

Greene’s out again. Quick’s in. Happy?

The West Coast is the Best Coast.

by RudyKelly on Mar 25, 2010 1:43 PM PDT up reply actions

Besides, isn’t tonight is KY’s calculus night? So he probably won’t even be watching the game tonight anyways.

2009-10 Kings Hockey: Delivering Milk Steaks from the Meat Train at an arena near you!

by DodgerBlueBalls on Mar 25, 2010 2:06 PM PDT up reply actions

I really hope it’s not because that would be sad if you knew his schedule.

The West Coast is the Best Coast.

by RudyKelly on Mar 25, 2010 2:10 PM PDT up reply actions

LOL

2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 25, 2010 2:13 PM PDT up reply actions

You’re half-right. Class is 4:30-6:30. I’ll be leaving at 6:00, so I’ll be able to watch the secon half.

Denis Gauthier sucks at hockey... and life.

by Kevin Y on Mar 25, 2010 2:14 PM PDT up reply actions

It makes you wonder

…what other things you could carve with your cock…

You could be a specialty exotic dancer: who wouldn’t want a stripper coming by and carving the Thanksgiving turkey? or wittling them a chess set out of oak and mahogany?

Bettman's Nightmare: A Blog Where Hockey Aficionados Dismantle That Mighty Empire, One Balsillie at a Time

http://bettmansnightmare.blogspot.com/

by Bettman's Nightmare on Mar 25, 2010 11:35 AM PDT reply actions

Perhaps some soapstone earrings to go with the pearl necklace, malady? Somebody cut me off…

Bettman's Nightmare: A Blog Where Hockey Aficionados Dismantle That Mighty Empire, One Balsillie at a Time

http://bettmansnightmare.blogspot.com/

by Bettman's Nightmare on Mar 25, 2010 11:37 AM PDT up reply actions

no way…your adding to the greatness of Boc

2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 25, 2010 12:32 PM PDT up reply actions

So what you’re saying is, Rudy is a manwhore arts-n-crafts Cylon.

No wonder Earl hangs out with him.

In Dinglebarn We Trust

by Niesy on Mar 25, 2010 2:29 PM PDT up reply actions

Perhaps some soapstone earrings to go with the pearl necklace, malady?

hahahahahahhahahahahahahahah

by Mike in OC on Mar 25, 2010 3:53 PM PDT up reply actions

by and carving the Thanksgiving turkey?

no gravey for me…please…thank you

2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 25, 2010 12:32 PM PDT up reply actions

That Wild Wing video never gets old.

by LA Seitz on Mar 25, 2010 11:51 AM PDT reply actions

Bailey should have eaten the duck like Troy and Abed ate their cookies as Cookie Monster on Community.

by Nut on Mar 25, 2010 11:55 AM PDT reply actions

That was Bert and Ernie!

Signed, nitpicker.

http://www.battleofcali.com/

by Earl Sleek on Mar 25, 2010 11:57 AM PDT up reply actions

I know, but they ate the cookies how Cookie Monster did. I guess all the Muppets ate stuff like that, but that was his M.O.

by Nut on Mar 25, 2010 12:09 PM PDT up reply actions

Signed, nitpicker.

nitpicker is my greatest enemy…..

2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 25, 2010 12:36 PM PDT up reply actions

I can’t believe they banned Bert and Ernie for gayness. BOO.

In Dinglebarn We Trust

by Niesy on Mar 25, 2010 2:32 PM PDT up reply actions

Here is a fantastic article about Drew from SI. Really, fantastic.

The West Coast is the Best Coast.

by RudyKelly on Mar 25, 2010 2:01 PM PDT reply actions

nachos-and-Coke suet

the moon-faced 20-year-old

Oy. This guy seriously needs to work on his Homeric epithets.

In Dinglebarn We Trust

by Niesy on Mar 25, 2010 2:36 PM PDT up reply actions

The fair-haired boy

All right, now he’s just blind. What about “Hard-shooting Doughty” or “Manlove-inciting Drew”?

Oh, and kids — don’t ever write “He is not reinventing the literal wheel.” Just don’t. IS THERE AN EDITOR AT SI, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD?

Other than that, nice feature.

In Dinglebarn We Trust

by Niesy on Mar 25, 2010 2:51 PM PDT up reply actions

“lighten up Francis”

I just know without clicking it, that the Wild Wing link goes to a youtube video where he catches on fire.

by Mike in OC on Mar 25, 2010 3:52 PM PDT reply actions

Well duh...

Has wildwing done anything else note worthy?

by Jietoh on Mar 25, 2010 3:59 PM PDT up reply actions

He is nice with a light orange sauce.

In Dinglebarn We Trust

by Niesy on Mar 25, 2010 4:01 PM PDT up reply actions

well that was memorable.

Lucy Lawless’s boob popping out during the anthem was as well, and I was there for both.

by Mike in OC on Mar 25, 2010 4:10 PM PDT up reply actions

And to think she gets paid a heck of a lot more for that on Starz, now.

In Dinglebarn We Trust

by Niesy on Mar 25, 2010 4:15 PM PDT up reply actions

Hey, Drew — you can do it, put your back into it.

You don’t have “impressive hockey haunches” for nothin’!

In Dinglebarn We Trust

by Niesy on Mar 25, 2010 6:06 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs

Jesus Christ, fuck that game.

by Nut on Mar 26, 2010 12:21 AM PDT reply actions

At least Brown hit the net for once.

The West Coast is the Best Coast.

by RudyKelly on Mar 26, 2010 9:54 AM PDT up reply actions

Small victory. I’m tired of watching them look slow against average teams and getting 5 shots a game.

by Nut on Mar 26, 2010 10:12 AM PDT up reply actions

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