Kings Gameday: Nicknames

by RudyKelly on Mar 27, 2010 10:42 AM PDT

Next Game

Saturday, Mar 27, 2010, 7:30 PM PDT
STAPLES Center

I'm a big fan of nicknames. Not shitty nicknames like "Dewey" or "Stolly" or "last name-y" like most hockey players have, but real nicknames. Nicknames like "Meat Train" and "Meat Train." In the interest of public service, I'm throwing out some nickname ideas for some of the younger guys. And some of the older guys. Basically, if they pop into my head in the next five minutes they're getting put down.

Wayne "Meat Train" Simmonds

Thomas "The Beav" Hickey

Jarret "Green Goblin" Stoll

Michal "Zeus" Handzus*

*This isn't mine but it works so well that we should keep it.

Anze "Raccoon Jesus" Kopitar

Andrei "Loki" Loktionov

Justin "The Invisible Swordsman" Williams*

*This one doesn't make any sense but you gotta admit: it's a pretty cool nickname.

Jonathan "Picture Day" Quick

Brayden "Brayden" Schenn*

*It's a lot of fun to know someone named "Brayden" because if they ever say something stupid you can say, "Shut the fuck up, Brayden." What a shitty name.

Colten "Retard Strength" Teubert

Sean "Falcor" O'Donnell

Randy "Drives a Trans Am And Still Goes to High School Parties" Jones

Ryan "FAS" Smyth

Oscar "Highlight Reel" Moller*

*Have you ever seen him get hit? Highlight reel stuff.

Vyacheslav Voynov, "The Quintessential Russian!"

Prediction: Kings win, 3-1. Goals by Alexander "Sheepish" Frolov, Dustin "Duddits*" Brown and Scott "Who? Oh Right, Him" Parse.

*Ever seen Dreamcatcher?

Tweet Comment 27 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

Good shit Rudy. I love the names for Kopitar and Hickey. I understand why you deferred the name of Handzus to “Zeus,” but I think we should find a way to incorporate “Ostrich” into his name, too.

2009-10 Kings Hockey: Delivering Milk Steaks from the Meat Train at an arena near you!

by DodgerBlueBalls on Mar 27, 2010 10:57 AM PDT reply actions

My brother and I call him Dr. Death because he looks like hell.

Bettman's Nightmare: A Blog Where Hockey Aficionados Dismantle That Mighty Empire, One Balsillie at a Time

http://bettmansnightmare.blogspot.com/

by Bettman's Nightmare on Mar 27, 2010 11:52 AM PDT up reply actions

Be warned — Oystrick is taken.

http://www.battleofcali.com/

by Earl Sleek on Mar 27, 2010 12:44 PM PDT up reply actions

I concur

by Nut on Mar 27, 2010 6:21 PM PDT up reply actions

How about “Dingleberry” Drewiske?

Bettman's Nightmare: A Blog Where Hockey Aficionados Dismantle That Mighty Empire, One Balsillie at a Time

http://bettmansnightmare.blogspot.com/

by Bettman's Nightmare on Mar 27, 2010 11:52 AM PDT reply actions

Some other good nicknames, can be attached to anyone, really…“Cankles,” “Cooter,” “JNCO,” “Tits”…you really want those sharp one and two-syllable names. Really rolls off the tongue (that’s what she said).

I used to call Dan LaCouture “Fashion.” That one was good too.

Colton “Tits” Teubert, Randy “JNCO” Jones, you get the idea.

Bettman's Nightmare: A Blog Where Hockey Aficionados Dismantle That Mighty Empire, One Balsillie at a Time

http://bettmansnightmare.blogspot.com/

by Bettman's Nightmare on Mar 27, 2010 11:58 AM PDT reply actions

I like the use of the nickname “Tits” for either of the Kostitsyn brothers, as it’s built in to their last name. But they can certainly share that with others, I’m sure.

http://www.battleofcali.com/

by Earl Sleek on Mar 27, 2010 12:46 PM PDT up reply actions

I call them “teets”

by ThrashersRecaps on Mar 29, 2010 10:29 AM PDT up reply actions

So a couple of my buddies and I are getting together tonight for a nerdy event, though it will be somewhat centered around hockey. One of the guys is a Canucks fan, and one of the guys is a Kings fan, so from 7-10:30 or so we’ll be flipping between the Vancouver game and the L.A. game, simultaneously playing the yet-to-be-opened Battlestar Galactica board game. I know very little about gameplay, other than we’ll find out secretly that one of us is a Cylon, and before the game ends we have to figure out who (maybe it’s like Clue).

After that all ends, we’ll watch yesterday’s finale of Caprica, so the nerdiness can be complete. Huzzah!

http://www.battleofcali.com/

by Earl Sleek on Mar 27, 2010 1:08 PM PDT reply actions