LA v. Vancouver: Sister City Slap Fight
by RudyKelly on Apr 12, 2010 2:00 PM PDT
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PrintAs everyone knows, Southern California is the greatest place in the whole wide world. From Valencia to San Diego, from the coast to whatever city is right before Riverside, Southern California has the best food, the best girls, and the best hockey bloggers. Most other cities are unable or unwilling to duplicate the awesomeness that is Los Angeles, but one city comes close: Vancouver. Vancouver is a city eerily similar to Los Angeles: they have great weather, access to both the beach and the slopes, hipsters, gays, minorities, a bustling film industry, and a good hockey team. Of course, everything's Canadized: their film industry specializes in woody exteriors, their weather is more marine west coast than Mediterranean, their hipsters wear flannel and denim unironically.
Hipster, or Canadian? The world may never know.
But still, Vancouver is generally a pretty cool town, albeit only because it vaguely resembles Los Angeles. It's kind of cute, actually, how badly they want to be LA. They're kind of like Branson to our Las Vegas, the Elmo to our Grover, the Nucks Misconduct to our BoC. I'm sure we'll see thousands of fans in Vancouver dressed up in Hollister apparel and pooka shell necklaces, their frosted tips blowing in the cool Canadian air, trying desperately to imitate the fashions they think are popular in LA. They're never going to be as awesome as LA but they at least recognize they're inferior and I for one appreciate it.
But enough about how great LA is; let's talk hockey. There you will see more similarities between LA and Vancouver. Both teams joined the league around the same time, the Kings in 1966 and the Canucks in 1970. Both teams have spotty records (the Kings have a .47 winning percentage, the Canucks a pathetic .46) and their histories have been marred by poor play, bad coaching and unfortunate jersey choices. You could refer to them as the Canadian Kings, or us as the California Canucks. We even had our hopes crushed in consecutive seasons, us in '93 and them in '94. Yes, there's a kinship between the two fanbases.
Or at least, there was, before I decided I hated the Canucks. (This was about 20 minutes ago.) For being on the West Coast their fans are incredibly pompous, especially when you consider that they cheer for this. Their best players, the Sedins, look like idiots, which is odd when you consider that they can actually see themselves look stupid every damn day. They look like a retarded Anthony Edwards. The twins always have a goofy expression on their faces, a cow-like docileness that really makes me want to punch them in the face. Oh well, I guess I'll have to let Jack Johnson do it for me.
Pow! Right in the kisser.
The rest of the team is comprised of players who would look more at home on a soccer pitch than an ice rink and the only thing they have that passes for toughness is Rick Rypien, who I could totally beat up. The other "tough guys" they have on their team are divers and cheap shot artists and I hate them all. They're backstopped by a Miata-driving meatball named Roberto Luongo, who is a pretty good goaltender and a terrible referee. Overall, they're a shitty, miserable team that doesn't deserve to live, let alone move on to the 2nd round.
Unfortunately, they're better than us and will move on to the 2nd round. Oh well, no big deal. Rather mourn in paradise than celebrate outside the pearly gates.
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all further blogging on this series is futile and redundant.
Wait till this year.
by Quisp on Apr 12, 2010 2:16 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
true-er words have never been said
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 12, 2010 2:22 PM PDT up reply actions
Yes, there’s a kinship between the two fanbases.
Or at least, there was, before I decided I hated the Canucks. (This was about 20 minutes ago.)
this made me laugh.
Nucks Misconduct's Official Ambassador, Squid Provider, etc.
GO CANUCKS GO!
yea me too…good shit
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 12, 2010 2:21 PM PDT up reply actions
WAIT A MINUTE, RUDY. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS??
REMEMBER THE LAST PERSON WHO, HEADING TO VANCOUVER, SUDDENLY DECIDED TO HATE?
That’s right. You are Jack Johnson.
Wait till this year.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
My cover is blown
The West Coast is the Best Coast.
Miata-driving meatball
Multiple Miata’s sir, please. He is the captain after all and you got to spend those millions somewhere.
'Nucks Misconduct - Housing Swedish Millionaires Since 2000.
Multiple Miata’s sir, please. He is the captain after all and you got to spend those millions somewhere.
look they they even try to steal our witty sarcasm.
fucking biters.
Amo la manera una haba y el burrito del queso siente alrededor de mi pene.
The other “tough guys” they have on their team are divers and cheap shot artists and I hate them all.
this one should catch there attention..i speculate
I cant follow that luongo link but it has to be the series clincher by the ducks..or at least it should be
the sedins do have a stupid “short bus” look to them
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 12, 2010 2:20 PM PDT reply actions
We’ve been looking at your defense all morning and there’s a few guys there (Jones especially) who can get on the bus too.
'Nucks Misconduct - Housing Swedish Millionaires Since 2000.
by Yankee Canuck on Apr 12, 2010 2:22 PM PDT up reply actions
Spade isn’t even a Kings fan… he likes the Ducks… ugh.
Also, Jack MF Johnson looks far more retarded than the Sedins… Also Ivanans, but I wouldn’t say that when he’s around.
"Douglas Murray is a humongous human being." – Drew Remenda
Ivanans is one scary ass individual.
'Nucks Misconduct - Housing Swedish Millionaires Since 2000.
by Yankee Canuck on Apr 12, 2010 2:48 PM PDT up reply actions
he eats children..i just know it…
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 12, 2010 2:57 PM PDT up reply actions
it means “slow”
Cheers, Complaints, homerism and bashing of mediocre pop musicians in 140 Characters
"DO NOT get stuck behind Kyle Wellwood in the buffet line. This isn't really etiquette, but it will prevent you from starving to death"- Down Goes Brown on Etiquette for Jason Spezza's wedding
by Kevin Sellathamby on Apr 13, 2010 4:35 AM PDT up reply actions
normal elementary kids take the regular sized yellow bus…for the kids with “special” needs..they would pick those kids up in a bus that seated much less a “short” bus….
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 13, 2010 4:56 AM PDT up reply actions
did u stop and keep re-winding the volleyball scene?…baby oiled lathered up topless good ole boys playing volleyball to kenny loggins…“hangin with the boys”….the behind the back high fives really sell it
credit to jim rome for mocking it
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 12, 2010 2:28 PM PDT up reply actions
hehe…u grabbed that sock again?…ya i think val kilmer would like to have that one back
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 12, 2010 2:37 PM PDT up reply actions
as soon as you see one ugly (i.e. normal looking) person in the movie, you know he's
dead.
Wait till this year.
Rudy -
Seeing how their have Christian Ehrhoff seeing major minutes on defense, the series should be closer than you think.
Fear the Fin - all Evgeni, all the time.
Get ready for some saves, crossbar!
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
I just feel sorry for the glass behind the net.
"Douglas Murray is a humongous human being." – Drew Remenda
That goes double for Bieksa.
'Nucks Misconduct - Housing Swedish Millionaires Since 2000.
by Yankee Canuck on Apr 12, 2010 2:49 PM PDT up reply actions
I can still here those to this day. I think Error hit about three that series.
"San Jose is where I want to be at the end of the day, and there's an opportunity now to make it there. It is where my heart is." - Jamie McGinn, 2/22/10
Fear The Fin: Where Selling Your Soul Is The Likely Solution
No kidding. Basically, Evgeni Malkin is the Kings’ favorite player right now, for putting Mitchell out for the season with a dirty hit from behind in January. (Apparently, Matt Cooke was unavailable at the time, or refused to do anything that didn’t include an elbow.)
yeah, we’re still rather annoyed about at. oh well….
Nucks Misconduct's Official Ambassador, Squid Provider, etc.
GO CANUCKS GO!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Evgeni Malkin is hardly the Kings favorite player, even if he did take out a second-tiered defenseman. You might remember this?
and on the 93rd postseason of the National Hockey League, the Slovakian-hockeygod Zeus commanded from high atop Mount Figueroa..."RELEASE THE MEAT TRAIN!" And it was good.
by DodgerBlueBalls on Apr 13, 2010 8:15 AM PDT up reply actions
wow, 2 players in 2 months
…that is getting matt cooke-like. Simmonds also out for the rest of the season?
Btw, Mitchell is hardly a “second-tiered d-man,” just b/c he doesn’t score much. Mitchell is one of the best shut down dmen in the league, and has had among the hardest 5v5 competition for several years now:
http://www.behindthenethockey.com/2010/2/3/1290293/2007-2010-5v5-tough-matchup-leaders
http://www.behindthenethockey.com/2010/2/1/1286641/who-gets-the-toughest-matchups
http://www.behindthenethockey.com/2010/2/15/1310038/2010/2/15/1310038/nhl-mid-season-statistics-leaders (see league leader in qual of competition).
So it’s LA’s good fortune that it doesn’t look like he’ll be back in time. Raccoon-eyes would have got tired of him real quick (him and Kesler, of course).
Check the date of the Pensblog article again. Look real closely/
and on the 93rd postseason of the National Hockey League, the Slovakian-hockeygod Zeus commanded from high atop Mount Figueroa..."RELEASE THE MEAT TRAIN!" And it was good.
by DodgerBlueBalls on Apr 13, 2010 10:24 AM PDT up reply actions
From Valencia to San Diego, from the coast to whatever city is right before Riverside
Fontana is right before Riverside, and it sucks too.
"Douglas Murray is a humongous human being." – Drew Remenda
Corona is before Riverside. and they have a good titty bar. haha I was already there today!
Amo la manera una haba y el burrito del queso siente alrededor de mi pene.
thats norco……and that place smells shitty.
Amo la manera una haba y el burrito del queso siente alrededor de mi pene.
that and the next city over ontario….how lovely a smell it is after a rain
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 12, 2010 3:00 PM PDT up reply actions
that would be mira loma. I just dropped a buddy off at ontario airport today, so this is all too fresh for me. Atleast Angel’s is on the way back home. TITTIES!
Amo la manera una haba y el burrito del queso siente alrededor de mi pene.
ive never been in there..always see it..have to make pit stop….goooooooooo tities!!!!!
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 12, 2010 3:19 PM PDT up reply actions
corona is cuu..i lived there for awhile…nice…
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 12, 2010 2:58 PM PDT up reply actions
More like Fontucky
[DELETED ZOMG NO POLITICS]
by bluemax on Apr 12, 2010 5:30 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
I thought it would be Temechula (or Ta-hick-ula.) by the crows path to the coast? Seems like Corona is west of Riverside, Fontana andMira Loma are North.
But his point is well taken.
the Canucks a pathetic .46
hahahhahahahah that was funny (only .01 less than LA)
Temecula is where I reside and I think its quite nice, Its geat if you like wine or just getting drunk in general.
Amo la manera una haba y el burrito del queso siente alrededor de mi pene.
haha…no way a lot of new construction…newer houses?….I work in this area….not that bad..it does get worse though the more west you go or north
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 13, 2010 4:58 AM PDT up reply actions
Haha, my entire extended family lives in Lancaster. And, I have to say, I would never want to live in the AV.
I am in awe of the Power of the Palin Mask Mojo...
by ZeroIndulgence on Apr 13, 2010 9:58 PM PDT up reply actions
well yea i agree…working there is one thing..living there..is another…but im guessing no of you want to live in victorville either…which is fine…means i can run around the city naked and u guys cant laugh at me
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 14, 2010 5:07 AM PDT up reply actions
The twins always have a goofy expression on their faces, a cow-like docileness that really makes me want to punch them in the face.
Any adult who isn’t aware that walking around with your mouth open makes you look dumb is more than likely… well, dumb.
Also, I predict Kings fans will learn to hate Ryan Kesler after this series.
this series isn't even going to be close; it'll be like that latvia/belarus women's game where the shots were 139-0
the only way the canucks will be able to get the puck out of their own zone is when we score.
Wait till this year.
It’s a-me – Luongo!
On nhl.com they break down each series and have sections called “Why the (blank) will win” for each team in each series. It’s hilarious to see the lack of confidence in the “Why the Kings will win” article.
Everything sucks except for the Sharks.
http://www.battleofcali.com
This whole “You have to learn to be a champion” thing is going to piss me off, isn’t it?
The West Coast is the Best Coast.
True fact: It is impossible to ever win a Stanley Cup, since everyone needs to have the experience of winning a Stanley Cup before they are good enough to possibly win one.
Everything sucks except for the Sharks.
http://www.battleofcali.com
True story- I went to Vancouver when I was about 12 and stayed at a hotel with a water slide inside. I was having fun on the water slide when suddenly I had to poo. I went to the bathroom by the water slide and did my business and then realized there was no toilet paper. At which point I wiped my butt with the cardboard piece leftover from the empty roll, and then went back on the water slide.
P.S. This story is a euphemism for what the young Kings are going to do to your city and your team.
P.P.S That doesn’t make any sense.
by Nut on Apr 12, 2010 7:09 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
P.S. This story is a euphemism for what the young Kings are going to do to your city and your team.
If this happens like you say, I’ll gladly help popularize the nickname “Roll-berto Luongo”. :)
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
yea pretty much….
p.s.
what you dont how to use the 3 shells?…..quick what movie is that from?…youll get a reach around if your right!!
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 12, 2010 7:30 PM PDT up reply actions
3 sea shells i meant!!!
doh!
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 12, 2010 7:30 PM PDT up reply actions
correct…
stallone gets implanted with a tracking chip on the fron palm of his hand..he starts to scratch it
police chief: what do you think your scratching there caveman…we implanted it the minute you thawed out!
Stallone: why dont you just shove a leash up my ass!!
underrated movie…Earl is so doctor Cocteau
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 13, 2010 5:02 AM PDT up reply actions
This movie also predicted Arnold would someday become president… After the constitution was ammended to allow a foreign born person could leagally run…
holy shit…i am seriously scared
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 13, 2010 2:03 PM PDT up reply actions
I loved that movie. Taco Bell will rule the world
"Douglas Murray is a humongous human being." – Drew Remenda
i might be ok with that….but it would have to be the real taco bell..not those pellets they were serving
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 14, 2010 5:08 AM PDT up reply actions
Their best players, the Sedins, look like idiots, which is odd when you consider that they can actually see themselves look stupid every damn day. They look like a retarded Anthony Edwards. The twins always have a goofy expression on their faces, a cow-like docileness that really makes me want to punch them in the face.
This part literally made me fall out of my chair I was laughing so hard! File that one under “funny because it’s true.”
I am in awe of the Power of the Palin Mask Mojo...
I was thinking of how great it would look for Todd Marchant to grow a goatee and then skate on a line with them.
I'm here! I know, I brighten the room. Everything's better.
time for him to grow a goatee? 5.2 secs
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 13, 2010 5:03 AM PDT up reply actions
Due diligence
Look, if you are going to make fun of the Sedins, please include the following link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQmojMxvbCQ
Due diligence.
…and you call yourself a blogger.
ryan lambert predictions for the postseason:
7. San Jose will make the conference finals, but I can’t in good conscience pick them to win no matter what I believe.
8. People will watch the Kings’ games and wonder how the hell they got into the playoffs in the first place.
muhahahaha
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 13, 2010 9:33 AM PDT reply actions
Yep, that’s a typical OC Ducks fan for you. Getting his hockey predictions from someone who starred on Kids Incorporated for 3 seasons.
and on the 93rd postseason of the National Hockey League, the Slovakian-hockeygod Zeus commanded from high atop Mount Figueroa..."RELEASE THE MEAT TRAIN!" And it was good.
by DodgerBlueBalls on Apr 13, 2010 10:11 AM PDT up reply actions
That can't be the same Ryan Lambert
Rudy from Monster Squad was way too cool to have ended up writing for Yahoo.
by I.C. Wiener on Apr 13, 2010 10:20 AM PDT up reply actions
OC how dare you!!!…never lived in the OC…I more classy I grew up in san bernadino county!!
cow smell? what cow smell? 909 baby….I.E. INLAND EMPIRE…I.E. “D” “O” DOUBLE G….
ok im taking that too far…still whomever wrote the predictions there funny..
this guy was right 12 out of 20 for the season…not great..but shouldnt be discounted
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 13, 2010 10:48 AM PDT up reply actions
12 out of 20 for his season predictions heres the link
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least its not crack!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Apr 13, 2010 10:56 AM PDT up reply actions
Inland empire por vida!
I don’t know, he took some liberties with his 12 “correct” picks. He said the Central was the best division in the NHL. I would argue the Pacific for sure, but whatever.
by I.C. Wiener on Apr 13, 2010 11:01 AM PDT up reply actions
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