Mike Babcock: Alright boys, last game's effort was disgraceful! We lost to a team of losers! What were we thinking? They're all minorities! C'mon!
Justin Abdelkader: I dunno, Coach, they were pretty goo-
Babcock: C'mon, they were terrible! Everyone knows how bad those other races are at hockey! I mean, let's review that team. Joe Pavelski: Polack. Obviously the way we beat him is by getting him admitted to a UC school! Those Poles are so obsessed with education he'll won't be able to concentrate on the game!
Dan Cleary: Uh, coach I don't think tha-
Babcock: And Devin Setoguchi! He's so stupid, lazy and uneducated! The only thing that boy has going for him is his large cock!
Nicklas Lidstrom: Coach, none of the things you are saying are making sense.
Babcock: Shut up, you slant-eyed bastard! Speak English, we're in America!
Lidstrom: I speak perfect English, coach.
Babcock: Durpa durpa durpa, that's all I hear! And another thing: Evgeni Nabokov? How the hell are we getting stopped by an illegal immigrant??? He should be making us tortillas, not stopping our pucks!
Jimmy Howard: Whoa whoa whoa, coach, you need to calm... wait, did you call call Nick Lidstrom a slant-eyed bastard?
Babcock: Well, he's Swedish, isn't he?
Howard: Well yeah, bu-
Babcock: Exactly! Tell him to go bomb another government building or something!
Babcock: North America, fuck yeah! Woooooo!!!!!!!
Pavel Datsyuk: asdlfjasdkljf asdfljsdfks werpoeiu.
Babcock: Right, Dats! You're a good ol' boy, just like me. Now let's get out there and show them what Canadians can do!
Henrik Zetterberg: Coach, I'm Swe-
Babcock: C'mon, Sadam, let's go!
(Editor's Note: This is the worst thing Rudy's ever written.)