Wiki-Sharks vol. 3: Son of Wiki-Sharks
by Megalodon on Jun 16, 2010 10:07 PM PDT
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Are you sick of this Wiki-Sharks thing yet? I hope not, because it's way too much fun for me to stop now.
Born - January 29, 1986 , Cologne, West Germany
Hahaha Cologne, that's funny....okay, I'm sorry, there's nothing good on Thomas Greiss' Wikipedia page. Seriously, there's nothing joke-worthy about it. He's a decent goaltender with apparently nothing worth mentioning about his personal life. If only he had a little brother named Judson who could spice his page up!
If anybody knows anything interesting about Thomas Greiss please add it to his Wikipedia and let us know in the comments.
In 2008, he surpassed Marcel Dionne as Canada's all-time leader in goals and Steve Yzerman as the all-time leader in points for the World Championships.
That's pretty cool. Good work, Dany.
A deal was in place to send Heatley to the Edmonton Oilers on June 30, but Heatley refused to waive his no-trade clause.[3]
I can't blame him for not wanting to play for the Oilers, but this was kind of a douchey thing to do.
Because he was born in Germany and his mother is German, Dany holds a dual Canadian and German citizenship, but plays for the Canadian national team (IIHF rules mandate that a player may not switch countries once he has already competed for one, however, Heatley is eligible to play for the German national team for the World Cup of Hockey as it is a non-IIHF sanctioned event)[citation needed].
Wikipedia is really insistent about citations[citation needed].
Remember when Nabokov had to petition to be allowed to play for Russia, since he had previously played for Kazakhstan in an international event? That was interesting. I'd like to see Heatley do that and play for Germany in the next international competition - that would be an awesome "screw-you" to Canada.
Playing minor hockey in the Alberta Midget Hockey League (AMHL)
Dude...
Who do you guys think would win between Ryane Clowe's epileptic hockey team and a midget hockey team?
During the 2004–05 NHL lockout, Heatley initially played for the Swiss team SC Bern. He played consistently well, scoring more than a point per game, until being injured in November when he required surgery for a broken orbital bone after being struck in the left eye with a puck. The pupil in his left eye became permanently dilated as a result.[8]
I'm glad they have a citation for that pupil dilation thing, because otherwise the only way you could know if it was true would be to, like, look at any picture of him (except for the one on his Wikipedia, oddly). He's like Marilyn Manson for shit's sake.
On the topic of Heatley's jacked-up eyeball, doesn't that have to have an impact on his play? I've never heard anyone in hockey discuss it but I've been wondering about it for a while. Shouldn't his vision be compromised because one eye lets in too much light?
Are there any optometrists out there? Hello?
Todd McLellan revealed that Heatley had been playing the entire playoffs with a torn groin muscle.
Yeah it was pretty painful to watch him try and skate out there - this is no surprise. I'd like to read more about this - BUT WHERE THE HELL IS THE CITATION, WIKIPEDIA? You fucking hypocrite.
Heatley also added an assist for a game-high 5 points and was named the All-Star Game MVP. In response to Heatley's impressive performance in just his second NHL season, Eastern Conference teammate Jeremy Roenick commented, "Twenty-two years old? You're not supposed to be able to pull moves like that at 22. My goodness."[25]
That's some quality commenting, Roenick. My goodness.
Heatley was selected as the cover player for the 2004 installment of the EA Sports NHL video game franchise in 2003. However, due to the fallout from Heatley's accident shortly afterwards, EA switched the cover photo to Joe Sakic, although many copies of the game were shipped with his photo on them.
Heatley has a surplus of interesting stuff on his Wikipedia. I suggest taking some random stuff that happened to Heatley and giving it to less fortunate players like Thomas Greiss.
Who's next?
Hey Ivan, we need a better photo for Helminen!
Since turning professional, he has played for the Charlotte Checkers in the ECHL and the Hartford Wolf Pack in the AHL, before signing with JYP Jyväskylä in the Finnish SM-liiga in 2007.
Oh yeah, I love JYP Jyväskyla. They're the best!
That's all there is about Mr. Helminen - he's another guy that could benefit from a few donated anecdotes from Heatley.
Kent Huskins' Wikipedia page is another boring one, so I'd much rather talk about this:
Hmmm..on April 21st somebody messed with Huskins' page? I'll show you what they did in a second, but first, let's ask ourselves why? Why would somebody have done this? (And isn't it great that they reverted back to the more polite and sane version that was written by the noted scholar RandySavageFTW?)
My first thought was that the page was defaced by a Sharks fan after a bad play by Huskins lead to a loss, but the previous game on April 20th was a win in the series against the Avalanche, so why would a Sharks fan be angry about that?
Using the magic of Internet stalking, I've located our mystery-Huskins-hater:
My goodness -it IS someone from San Jose! Let's get a closer look, shall we?
Hmmm...I've traced the IP address to some sort of junkyard. Obviously Huskins once offended Oscar the Grouch, who is now defacing his Wikipedia page from his trash-can home.
Okay, that was a dead end. Please check out the defaced Ken Huskins page here. For those that don't like clicking links, it begins:
Kent Huskins (born May 4, 1979 in Almonte, Ontario) is a shitty hockey player who blows major cock and currently plays for the San Jose Sharks of the National Hockey League.
Hahaha WOW. Somebody out there HATES Kent Huskins. Honestly, going by the language used, there's an excellent chance the culprit is reading this blog right now - if so, PLEASE identify yourself. You're fucking hilarious.
There's nowhere to go from here but down, so let's call it a day. Stay tuned for more Wiki-Sharks, or don't. See if I care.
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Are you sick of this Wiki-Sharks thing yet? I hope not, because it’s way too much fun for me to stop now.
Hahaha don’t. There can never be an end to these, I hope!
by AppleSweetRose on Jun 16, 2010 10:51 PM PDT reply actions
I second that… this has been hilarious. I’d love it if you’d extend it to other BoC teams or even a team or players you hate. Past or present. Good stuff.
I may have to do this.
San Jose Sharks - Hey, at least we didn't finish 11th in the West!
Battle of California
holy cow that is some hate for Huskins. Not really someone you would think would get such attention.
And yeah, don’t stop. Oh baby please don’t stop!
sorry couldn’t help myself.
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
"It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves." -- Bob Newhart
And yeah, don’t stop. Oh baby please don’t stop!
that is when you hit the extra gear on your man engine..its where the wheaties you ate fro breakfast really pay off
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least were not the sharks!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jun 17, 2010 6:20 AM PDT up reply actions
I’m having a good laugh, reading the entirety of the Kent Huskins hate. Whoever it was didn’t just make an edit at the top, they got their punches in through the whole thing.
Man I hope that’s someone that goes to BoC. Get the word out on FTF too.
http://sacrificethebody.blogspot.com/
Sacrifice the Body - Examining the NHL through statistical analysis, reasoned thought, and blind conjecture.
I loved how they put “(these are all lies)” at the bottom of his Awards and Achievements.
"The Big Pavelski" sounds like something you'd name your cock.
My favorite part was where it said “He won a Stanley Cup in 2007 with the Ducks, which he didn’t deserve because he is so awful.”
San Jose Sharks - Hey, at least we didn't finish 11th in the West!
Battle of California
did the sharks really give him that many minutes that he made that much of an impression on anyone?….he should have used that anger on nabokov or somthing..
i guess ill never understand sharks fans…dumbasses
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least were not the sharks!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jun 17, 2010 8:18 AM PDT up reply actions
excuse me? generalize much?
(sends missle over to your place)
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
"It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves." -- Bob Newhart
:-)
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least were not the sharks!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jun 17, 2010 8:48 AM PDT up reply actions
Don’t all Sharks fans live in junkyards? I thought I learned something like that this post.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
by Earl Sleek on Jun 17, 2010 9:01 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
hey junkyards have some of the neatest things in them.
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
"It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves." -- Bob Newhart
In Northern California the junkyards are distinct and separate areas, while in Southern California they often blur together with the neighborhoods.
San Jose Sharks - Hey, at least we didn't finish 11th in the West!
Battle of California
The funny part is that Spade thinks someone’s a dumbass because they think Kent Huskins is bad at hockey.
well i was just looking more for an oppuritnity to call sharks fans dumbasses..yea huskins sux..but does he need that much attention paid to his wiki page?
whos next? joe dipienta?
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least were not the sharks!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jun 17, 2010 10:42 AM PDT up reply actions
I see what you did there…
and on the 93rd postseason of the National Hockey League, the Slovakian-hockeygod Zeus commanded from high atop Mount Figueroa..."RELEASE THE MEAT TRAIN!" And it was good.
by DodgerBlueBalls on Jun 17, 2010 11:13 AM PDT up reply actions
thats fantastic rudy hahahaha
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least were not the sharks!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jun 17, 2010 11:36 AM PDT up reply actions
Also, I like what you did to the Rob Blake page back in December 2009. Sure makes me thirsty!
The Spirit of MeatTrain'10!
by DodgerBlueBalls on Jun 17, 2010 1:20 PM PDT up reply actions
does the obvious have to be pointed out? we know he sucks at hockey..we all know rudy is a dog humping hippy…..but see how dumb it sounds that it has to be said?…I mean we all already know
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least were not the sharks!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jun 17, 2010 10:44 AM PDT up reply actions
in Southern California they often blur together with the neighborhoods.
You’re thinking of Los Angeles. Orange County and San Diego are SoCal done right. You wouldn’t want me judging all of Northern California based on Oakland, would you?
"The Big Pavelski" sounds like something you'd name your cock.
or Richmond … never know which of those two are worse.
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
"It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves." -- Bob Newhart
Agreed
95% of Orange County is wrong.
The Spirit of MeatTrain'10!
by DodgerBlueBalls on Jun 17, 2010 2:18 PM PDT up reply actions
Orange County is all either rich arrogant fake white Conservative religious assholes or rundown old crappy places full of crime. And I say that as a resident of Orange County.
San Jose Sharks - Hey, at least we didn't finish 11th in the West!
Battle of California
Orange County is all either richpoor arrogant fake white Conservative religious assholes or rundown old crappy places full of crime. And I say that as a resident of Orange County.
i fixed it to describe the high desert where i live
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least were not the sharks!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jun 17, 2010 4:11 PM PDT up reply actions
Orange County is all either rich arrogant fake white Conservative religious assholes or rundown old crappy places full of crime.
Substitute Ventura in there for Orange, and you’ve got a pretty spot-on description of my home county. Sweet home, Ventucky!
The Spirit of MeatTrain'10!
by DodgerBlueBalls on Jun 17, 2010 4:16 PM PDT up reply actions
crappy places full of crime
What part of Orange County is like this? Santa Ana…? I mean, I guess it’s kinda bad… a little, not really. I took a class in Long Beach and when a teacher tried to claim Santa Ana had bad areas, everyone laughed at him and called it “Orange County-bad”
Oh what’s that, 3 of the safest 25 cities in the US are in Orange County? Ya don’t say. How many are in Los Angeles County? None? Don’t feel bad, one from LA made the other list.
I guess you are right after all, brokenyard.
Why thank you, brokenyard.
"The Big Pavelski" sounds like something you'd name your cock.
Yeah, like I said, half of Orange County is rich sterilized ultra-conservative towns like Irvine and the ones on that list, but the other half is like large portions of Santa Ana and Anaheim that are pretty run down. Obviously it’s not Compton or downtown L.A., but it’s still crappy.
And I don’t care about Orange County vs. LA county at all.
San Jose Sharks - Hey, at least we didn't finish 11th in the West!
Battle of California
I’ve lived and worked in LA and Orange County for years, and I know what I’m thinking of.
And yeah Oakland sucks ass.
San Jose Sharks - Hey, at least we didn't finish 11th in the West!
Battle of California
Someone should say something about Greiss’s nickname: Meth Squirrel!
And don’t end Wiki-Sharks. They’re very enjoyable…
Here's my twitter losers
it’s only a nickname over at FTF … and not all of us even like it
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
"It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves." -- Bob Newhart
WHoever gave him that nickname should be sainted. :/
*waits for haterade. Oh look, She’s already here. /surprise.
I like my goals like I like my booze..... Top shelf.
by GhostOfLinkGaetz on Jun 17, 2010 12:14 PM PDT up reply actions
why don’t you knock it off with this shit? I don’t talk to you and this is the 3rd time now you’ve referred to me … so figure out how to deal with your hardon already huh? it’s fucking old already.
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
"It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves." -- Bob Newhart
Oh, I'm sorry. You should be left to hate on everyone in peace.
I guess it must be nice to rate hockey players’ skills by ’how their tushy looks in padded shorts".
Carry on, Gidget.
I like my goals like I like my booze..... Top shelf.
by GhostOfLinkGaetz on Jun 17, 2010 3:14 PM PDT up reply actions
where the hell did I say I hate anyone? Seems to me that is your department. Oh wow, I don’t like the nickname. Sue me already.
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
"It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves." -- Bob Newhart
Can't cure stupid.
I like my goals like I like my booze..... Top shelf.
by GhostOfLinkGaetz on Jun 17, 2010 3:57 PM PDT up reply actions
Hey now — this is a place for rival team fans to hate each other, not fellow Sharks fans. Let it go, kids — it’s way too offseason to keep this up.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
by Earl Sleek on Jun 17, 2010 4:03 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Yeah what the hell is this crap? No arguing or insulting unless it’s funny.
San Jose Sharks - Hey, at least we didn't finish 11th in the West!
Battle of California
by Megalodon on Jun 17, 2010 4:06 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
yea..like meg is a goat-fucking leech….thats how u get it done
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least were not the sharks!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jun 17, 2010 4:10 PM PDT up reply actions
Damn straight.
San Jose Sharks - Hey, at least we didn't finish 11th in the West!
Battle of California
This is me, every time she posts:
I like my goals like I like my booze..... Top shelf.
by GhostOfLinkGaetz on Jun 17, 2010 6:57 PM PDT up reply actions
You’ve seen that before, right?: link.
Dude, freaking… wow. Stop betraying me.
"The Big Pavelski" sounds like something you'd name your cock.
After two seasons of Rob Blake...
You’d be doing the same.
I like my goals like I like my booze..... Top shelf.
by GhostOfLinkGaetz on Jun 17, 2010 9:36 PM PDT up reply actions
Well relax — it’s fucking summer, dude. Stress was weeks ago.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
I'm relaxed.
Have a good day! :)
I like my goals like I like my booze..... Top shelf.
by GhostOfLinkGaetz on Jun 18, 2010 1:04 AM PDT up reply actions
dont talk shit on ang here. Im just saying………..unless its super funny and not too hurtful
Amo la manera una haba y el burrito del queso siente alrededor de mi pene.
by tu madre on Jun 18, 2010 12:25 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Don't stop!
It definitely gives good laughs especially in times like this where nothing is going on.
High sticking, tripping, slashing, spearing, charging, hooking, fighting, unsportsmanlike conduct, interference, roughing… everything else is just figure skating.
- Anonymous
"My hope is that we put him (Couture) on a line with Seto and CloweThen you get the Coochy-Goochy-Clowe line." - Cerise
Makes my day
When I can read some awesomeness. The only thing missing is a BoC cartoon.
by ilooklikeafat16 on Jun 17, 2010 10:27 AM PDT reply actions
Hey, I posted one yesterday!
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
is it too much to ask for one every day? :)
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
"It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves." -- Bob Newhart
You people are insatiable!
San Jose Sharks - Hey, at least we didn't finish 11th in the West!
Battle of California
Whoa, didn’t see that one coming. Suddenly Jaroslav Halak is a St. Louis Blue? No details at all on what it cost yet.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
fuck is right..
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least were not the sharks!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jun 17, 2010 12:50 PM PDT up reply actions
That probably means the Sharks aren’t getting Price then, huh?
San Jose Sharks - Hey, at least we didn't finish 11th in the West!
Battle of California
I guess you should have gone for the other dude.
Halak’s agent says they didn’t even try to talk salary with him before this. Wow.
In Dinglebarn We Trust
Montreal is retarded.
San Jose Sharks - Hey, at least we didn't finish 11th in the West!
Battle of California
Well, in Niesy’s comment, I think it may be St. Louis that didn’t talk with Halak about salary — they might be in for a surprise.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
Then St. Louis is dumb too, but Montreal shouldn’t have let Halak go.
San Jose Sharks - Hey, at least we didn't finish 11th in the West!
Battle of California
st louis with a better goalie?…eh thats not good news for us western conference team..i would have been fine him staying in the eastern conference
2009-2010 Anaheim Ducks.."Hey at least were not the sharks!!"
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jun 17, 2010 4:33 PM PDT up reply actions
Exactly, Spade. It’s not good news for the rest of the West. Too bad Philly couldn’t put a deal together for Halak and at least keep him back in the Wales conference!
The Spirit of MeatTrain'10!
by DodgerBlueBalls on Jun 17, 2010 4:39 PM PDT up reply actions
Oh shucks.
Guess we’ll have to find someone else to be terrible.
I like my goals like I like my booze..... Top shelf.
by GhostOfLinkGaetz on Jun 17, 2010 12:31 PM PDT up reply actions
Jaroslav Halak traded for Lars Eller + Ian Schultz.
Oh, so at least Montreal got some names back. That’s what the valuable goalie fetches these days? He is due for a raise, though — that’s the big x factor.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
Oh, so at least Montreal got some names back. That’s what the valuable goalie fetches these days? He is due for a raise, though — that’s the big x factor.
I was kind of wondering about that. Am I wrong or do they still have to resign him for next season?
I'm against sigs......Fuck.
Oh, they totally do — it’s going to be a nice payday for Halak, I think.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
Who else is excited?
"The Big Pavelski" sounds like something you'd name your cock.
by brokenyard on Jun 17, 2010 8:15 PM PDT reply actions 3 recs
brokenyard with the win once again
Amo la manera una haba y el burrito del queso siente alrededor de mi pene.
That is fantastic.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
hahahaha hella excited!
aw brokenyard you just wrecked it for me. Can’t think of Woody the same now. :P
High sticking, tripping, slashing, spearing, charging, hooking, fighting, unsportsmanlike conduct, interference, roughing… everything else is just figure skating.
- Anonymous
"My hope is that we put him (Couture) on a line with Seto and CloweThen you get the Coochy-Goochy-Clowe line." - Cerise
by mssjsclowie29 on Jun 18, 2010 10:32 AM PDT up reply actions
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