The Anaheim Ducks

Part 5 of 5. The last one. My favorite team, the Ducks. This one is about to get personal. Also, just fucking sign Ryan already. Fuck.

I'm gonna switch it up and put why I hate this team first:

1. They almost always play below what a team with their talent should. It's like watching a team consisting of a bunch of those guys from high school gym class that didn't really want to play the game but coach would fail them if they didn't participate so they would bum around like a bunch of lackadaisical douche bags.Those guys, but you pay money to see them.

2. The team traditionally has not been very solid defensively. Aside from '05-'09 which was the absolute opposite. As someone who grew up playing defense and then became a goalie, this really irks me.

3. I can't make this up.

The worst part of this jersey isn't the fact that the mascot IS the jersey, or that he is jumping out of the ice, but that the mascot on the jersey is wearing the other, better looking jersey that the team had.

4. The Ducks were featured in an episode of Brett Michaels: Rock of Love. For serious. Following this Ryan Getzlaf bought 17 cans of Ed hardy spray on hair.

5. They lost the vast majority of their intra-division games and yet had one of the best interdivisional records in the NHL. God damn just be good or don't, none of this wishy washy bullshit.

I guess I have to like them too, soo... TA DA:

1. Teemu Selanne. Sleek has this one covered so...... yeah.

2. Jonas Hiller. The Ducks met the sharks in the playoffs just a couple months after I moved up here to San Jose, and this guy made it possible to walk the streets of downtown with my jersey on and have the perfect response to any heckling.  "Who bead your ass in the playoffs? Yeah bitches". It's a good thing Bettman made the playoffs illegal following that season, because it'd be embarrassing if the Ducks fell short the next season. Lol, ha ha, heh, heh, *cough*

3. When I was 7 I rode on the Zamboni during one of the intermissions at the Arrowhead Pond. It was the best moment of my life until I felt boobs.

4.  Bbbbboooooooobbbbbbbbsssssss...........

5.

Fuck yeah!!! Suck on that Sharks fans! 40 years and still no picture like this eh Kings fans!!! Screw you Phoenix... actually, no, I kinda like you guys, don't go to Canada. Fuck you Dallas, We didn't cheat you assholes!!!

Well, there ya go, an entire article about the Ducks and not one Emilio Estevez reference, er, wait, GOD DAMMIT.