Recently the hockey world learned that goaltender Carey Price kicks ass at rodeo stuff. If not for hockey, it definitely seems like Price could make a decent living as a rodeo superstar - and he would probably be on Versus just as much, if not more.
This story got me thinking - if not for hockey, what would other hockey players do for a living? Using a combination of my patented time machine technology with the Sliding device featured in NHL Sliders, I've been able to find out for you. Today I will reveal what jobs different current and former NHL players would have...If Not for Hockey.
Dan Boyle- If not for hockey, Dan Boyle would be an actor. On the ice he's a force both on offense on defense, and these skills will translate well to the silver screen. He has the uncanny ability to portray both hobbit-like heroes and seductive super-villains.
Ryane Clowe - Renaissance Faire Signe Paintere.
Corey Perry - Bitch.
Chris Pronger - That one high-school teacher everybody fucking hates.
Patrick Marleau - Assistant librarian.
Alex Ovechkin - Russian mafia hit-man, then President of Russia.
Dany Heatley - Cautionary example.
Wayne Gretzky - World's greatest grocery bagger.
Kent Huskins - Based on his demonstrated hockey talent, I think he'd make a good mediocre baseball player, mediocre insurance salesman, or mediocre fast-food worker.
Niclas Wallin -Chef*.
Antero Niittymaki - Editor in charge of correcting/causing typos.
Marcel Goc - Novelist.
Douglas Murray - Hotel manager - this is actually Douglas' true passion in life. Why do you think he got that degree from Cornell?
Ryan Getzlaf - Hair Club for Men spokesman.
Scott Nichol - A little wise-guy who gets beaten up by the hero in a detective movie.
Sidney Crosby - A waiter you want to smack in the face.
Joe Pavelski - Is "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" a job?
Joe Thornton - Gay porn actor.
Sean Avery - Gay porn critic.
Gary Suter - Frankenstein.
Jack Johnson - Musician.
Bryan Marchment - Murderer.
Owen Nolan - Owner and manager of Owen Nolan Bowlin'.
Mike Grier - Football player. Because he comes from a big football family and is a huge fan, and as a demonstrably skilled athelete it would be a natural fit. Not because he's black, you terrible racist. You should be ashamed.
Jonathan Cheechoo - Lottery winner.
That's all for now. Have any good suggestions? Leave them in the comments.
* = bork bork bork.