If Not for Hockey
by Megalodon on Aug 18, 2010 10:40 AM PDT
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Recently the hockey world learned that goaltender Carey Price kicks ass at rodeo stuff. If not for hockey, it definitely seems like Price could make a decent living as a rodeo superstar - and he would probably be on Versus just as much, if not more.
This story got me thinking - if not for hockey, what would other hockey players do for a living? Using a combination of my patented time machine technology with the Sliding device featured in NHL Sliders, I've been able to find out for you. Today I will reveal what jobs different current and former NHL players would have...If Not for Hockey.
Dan Boyle- If not for hockey, Dan Boyle would be an actor. On the ice he's a force both on offense on defense, and these skills will translate well to the silver screen. He has the uncanny ability to portray both hobbit-like heroes and seductive super-villains.
Ryane Clowe - Renaissance Faire Signe Paintere.
Corey Perry - Bitch.
Logan Couture - Thanks to his little brother Judson, I know that Logan's pretty good at baseball. If not for hockey, he could do that.
Chris Pronger - That one high-school teacher everybody fucking hates.
Patrick Marleau - Assistant librarian.
Alex Ovechkin - Russian mafia hit-man, then President of Russia.
Dany Heatley - Cautionary example.
Wayne Gretzky - World's greatest grocery bagger.
Kent Huskins - Based on his demonstrated hockey talent, I think he'd make a good mediocre baseball player, mediocre insurance salesman, or mediocre fast-food worker.
Niclas Wallin -Chef*.
Antero Niittymaki - Editor in charge of correcting/causing typos.
Marcel Goc - Novelist.
Douglas Murray - Hotel manager - this is actually Douglas' true passion in life. Why do you think he got that degree from Cornell?
Ryan Getzlaf - Hair Club for Men spokesman.
Scott Nichol - A little wise-guy who gets beaten up by the hero in a detective movie.
Sidney Crosby - A waiter you want to smack in the face.
Joe Pavelski - Is "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" a job?
Joe Thornton - Gay porn actor.
Sean Avery - Gay porn critic.
Gary Suter - Frankenstein.
Jack Johnson - Musician.
Bryan Marchment - Murderer.
Owen Nolan - Owner and manager of Owen Nolan Bowlin'.
Mike Grier - Football player. Because he comes from a big football family and is a huge fan, and as a demonstrably skilled athelete it would be a natural fit. Not because he's black, you terrible racist. You should be ashamed.
Jonathan Cheechoo - Lottery winner.
That's all for now. Have any good suggestions? Leave them in the comments.
* = bork bork bork.
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Vesa Toskala: High quality industrial strength sieve.
In Lou We Trust: Continuing a saga no one really cares about
"Pfft, Wii’s where it’s at. *Swings toy plastic racquet, separates shoulder"- RudyKelly
by Kevin Sellathamby on Aug 18, 2010 10:49 AM PDT reply actions
Yorn desh born, der ritt gitt der gue,
Orn desh, dee born desh, de umn,
* = bork bork bork.
Rofl, nice Swedish Chef reference!
Z!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tweet Tweet.
by ZeroIndulgence on Aug 18, 2010 10:53 AM PDT reply actions
Ryan Getzlaf – Hair Club for Men spokesman.
Took the layup on this one I see. Too easy.
He more reminds me of the prick from boiler room type workplace persona.
Corey Perry as well, there will be many, many more opportunities to insult him, bitch was weak.
Maybe a shopping cart jockey who continually runs cars with the carts.
Mike in OC – Hockey blog critic.
Drew Remenda would praise a bottle of child poison if it had a picture of Darryl Sutter on it.
Battle of California
by Megalodon on Aug 18, 2010 10:56 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Yeah but still.
Drew Remenda would praise a bottle of child poison if it had a picture of Darryl Sutter on it.
Battle of California
Megaladon – Rudy Kelly alter ego
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 11:08 AM PDT up reply actions
That doesn’t really depend on whether hockey exists. It’s just a fact.
Drew Remenda would praise a bottle of child poison if it had a picture of Darryl Sutter on it.
Battle of California
It seemed like something that would be a fun way to pass the time. That’s all you can hope for in the off-season.
Drew Remenda would praise a bottle of child poison if it had a picture of Darryl Sutter on it.
Battle of California
Getzlaf reminds me of a guy who would organize and hand out the shoes at Owen Nolan’s bowling alley.
"San Jose is where I want to be at the end of the day, and there's an opportunity now to make it there. It is where my heart is." - Jamie McGinn, 2/22/10
Fear The Fin: Where Selling Your Soul Is The Likely Solution
by Mr. Plank on Aug 18, 2010 5:21 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
How about...
Correy Perry – leathered up gimp with a ball tongue, on the end of a leash held by Douglas Murray??
by skilletboy on Aug 18, 2010 9:17 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions
Owen Nolan – Owner and manager of Owen Nolan Bowlin’.
thats awesome
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 11:07 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Yes it is.
Drew Remenda would praise a bottle of child poison if it had a picture of Darryl Sutter on it.
Battle of California
Parros – Mr. Plank Stunt Double
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 12:40 PM PDT up reply actions
My head exploded from the awesomeness.
"Playing Detroit in the playoffs is like paying your taxes. You either pay now or pay later." - Suisun Dan
My Twitter
“Come to Owen Nolan Bowlin’-We’ll get ya rollin’!”
For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.
by Nut on Aug 18, 2010 11:11 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
“Down at Owen Nolan Bowlin’
The balls are always rollin’,
something something colon,
You’re gonna get a hole in
one.”
It’s a start.
Drew Remenda would praise a bottle of child poison if it had a picture of Darryl Sutter on it.
Battle of California
“And for the kids-Whack-a-Molin’!”
For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.
Our snacks will split your colon
UNRELATED: Handel is the most overrated composer ever...
by Bleys on Aug 18, 2010 1:23 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions
Arthur – James Wiesneski Publicist
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 11:10 AM PDT reply actions
Todd Marchant – Leprechaun or Boxer “stone hands”
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 11:12 AM PDT reply actions
Chris Drury—baseball player
Tom Glavine—baseball player
Max Lapierre—soccer player in Montreal
Nicklas Backstrom—shampoo model
Jose Theodore—conditioner model
Eric Belanger—dentist
Kyle Wellwood—professional hot dog eater
Cидни Kросби: Александр Oвечкин, он твой папа теперь
матовая Клими, Михал нуивирт ваш папа теперь
Red Line Station: for Capitals fans who can bear reading something less intelligent than a story at Japers' Rink
Follow me on Twitter!
Excellent.
Drew Remenda would praise a bottle of child poison if it had a picture of Darryl Sutter on it.
Battle of California
Patrick Marleau: Head of the National association for the advancement of awkward people with pornstar staches (NAFTAOAPWPS)
In Lou We Trust: Continuing a saga no one really cares about
"Pfft, Wii’s where it’s at. *Swings toy plastic racquet, separates shoulder"- RudyKelly
by Kevin Sellathamby on Aug 18, 2010 11:16 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Patrick Marleau – Assistant librarian
He used to be head librarian, but he couldn’t handle the pressure, so they demoted him to assistant.
For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.
by Nut on Aug 18, 2010 11:19 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
i heard he got demoted cuz he kept following people near the sex ed books and was giving his akward look when they turned around
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 11:24 AM PDT up reply actions
Fun Megalodon fact: in high school I worked at a library shelving books. The section in which I worked contained the sex advice/education books. We got a very high number of weirdos, creeps, and giggling kids hanging out there. It was fun when I would come around the corner and see them try to act like they weren’t looking at “The Joy of Sex.”
Drew Remenda would praise a bottle of child poison if it had a picture of Darryl Sutter on it.
Battle of California
those poor kids…didnt have an uncles porn stash to sneak away..had to rely on watered down stuff
its like A Lincoln is better than a Cadillac? Forget about it!
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 12:27 PM PDT up reply actions
That beats my story. I used to work at a bookstore and caught nine year olds looking at breast cancer books for the breasts.
In Dinglebarn We Trust
That’s a great idea. I wish I would have thought of that.
Drew Remenda would praise a bottle of child poison if it had a picture of Darryl Sutter on it.
Battle of California
Oh screw you people – you’re all librarians? I just applied for a job at my campus library.
What the fuck.
Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2000 of something.
That one should be okay, since it’s on a campus. Working in a major public library/homeless bathroom kind of soured me on the whole library concept.
Drew Remenda would praise a bottle of child poison if it had a picture of Darryl Sutter on it.
Battle of California
the sporting news doesnt think to highly of the ducks playoff chances…yay!!!
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 11:22 AM PDT reply actions
Save us, Fowler! Or Sbisa!
Whichever, really.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
i think in that scenario it would be fowler…sbisa has seen some time…and coudl turn out decent..but to “save” us we need a special “he looks like hes been in the leauge 10 years”….kinda guy…like they were saying about some asshole over in LA…if Sbisa could turn into a top4 guy that would rock
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 12:22 PM PDT up reply actions
sbisa has seen some time…
Barely, though — eight games of secondary exposure. He’s essentially got a clean slate as far as I’m concerned — but that’s true of most any defender these days.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
he had some time in philyl though also…and wasnt exactly a doughty clone…..hopefully your right and im wrong
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 12:31 PM PDT up reply actions
Well, not every defenseman peaks at nineteen. Just hopefully Fowler. :)
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
I hope he peaks at 19 too
For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.
The problem with Sbisa is that every time us fans will be saying his name we will be spitting on our friends. Maybe we can just call him Bia and save spittle from going towards some cute dude that we are trying to impress.
Let's go Ducks.
its ok u can spit on me
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 1:49 PM PDT up reply actions
I’m already trying to work out some gimmick with “The Four Lous”
Lou-pul, Lou-ca, Lou-bo, and Lou-dman. Maybe it’ll be a comic strip.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
You could always add Lydman to the Wonder Finns as a team up in Finnish BirdMan attire.
UNRELATED: Handel is the most overrated composer ever...
by Bleys on Aug 18, 2010 2:12 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions
is captain lou albano involved somehow?
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 2:16 PM PDT up reply actions
selänne would make a great rally driver! or world leader
Мы в любовь играли,
И как кровь из вены капает слеза.
Remember kids it's down the road not across the street
thats a good point…at least put the “never dying-even though they have a limited talent-but cooling looking coach predators” in at 8th
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 12:18 PM PDT up reply actions
Luck + someone unexpected stepping up = one of Wild, Ducks, Predators, Flames, Blue Jackets, Avalanche, even Oilers taking the 8th seed.
For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.
someone unexpected stepping up
thats the key…ducks havent had that inawhile or ever really…im trying to think….penner is the last guy that fits that profile
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 12:29 PM PDT up reply actions
the ducks thought highly of him so not as much as penner…but kinda
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 12:30 PM PDT up reply actions
Sex Offender came out of nowhere. Not a ton of points, but I like that kid.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
wheres he gonna play?
i was having trouble making forward lines on my nhl09..(had to invent the sex monster)
i know we talked about this before…but u almost have to make 3 scoring lines u have 8 top 6 forwards if u include the sex monster..
make the forward lines earl..curious to see your take
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 12:34 PM PDT up reply actions
It all depends on who’s in play. If we have, for example, no Lupul, no Ryan, and no Kariya, I’d probably want to see this to start:
Beleskey – Getzlaf – Perry
Blake – Koivu – Selanne
Bodie – Marchant – Sexton
Voros – Chipchura – Parros/Carter
Or something like that. Any of those guys gets added it helps immediately and immensely, though.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
why no Lupul
try it with Lupul and ryan
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 12:38 PM PDT up reply actions
I’m not sure Lupul’s back is cleared yet — he’s done some light skating, I think, but I don’t know that there’s anything automatic about him starting next season as a healthy player.
Lupul – Getzlaf – Perry
Ryan – Koivu – Selanne
Blake – Marchant – Beleskey
Voros – Chicpchura – Bodie/Parros/Carter/Sexton
But there’s a lot that can be played with in this scenario.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
why do i get the feeling the coaches like bodie? anyone get that feeling?…kinda what they wish parros waS?
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 12:42 PM PDT up reply actions
I like Bodie — sure he’s a grunt, but at least with a purpose. I liked the way he ended last year — I think he’s good on a line with Marchant or Chipchura, where he can stick to simple plays.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
Fine. Flip Blake and Ryan, then. But I’m not that stressed about it, even so. There’s a lot that those top two lines could carry, and there’s plenty to mix around with in the bottom six.
There will be lots of chemistry experiments early — then we’ll really see what we’ve got.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
u see my list? thats fuckin scary
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 1:16 PM PDT up reply actions
There will be lots of chemistry experiments early — then we’ll really see what we’ve got.
I’m just jealous that you can make a reasonable projection of what your team will look like. But hey, it’s only the middle of August!
hey any list that says the Stars & Ducks are out of the playoffs (again) is a good list to me. :)
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
u could have left the again part
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 2:12 PM PDT up reply actions
Forwards don’t strike me as that tough to do, really — put the top guys towards the top and filter downwards.
Where I’d really struggle is what to do with the blueline. Who pairs with Lubo? Who’s the shutdown pairing? What to do with special teams minutes?
That could really go in a lot of ways.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
brookbank-vish brookbank cuz hes been with the ducks the longest and hes right handed
lydman-sutton Shutdown pairing..hopefulyl lydman can skate cuz sutton on my nhl09 is slow as fuck
festerling-sbisa the hope for the best bottom pair..maybe fowler instead of uncle fester
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 12:56 PM PDT up reply actions
If Fowler and Sbisa both make the lineup, and it’s looking possible that happens, I wouldn’t pair them together — even in my younger gambling days.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
ya gotta put someone defensive minded with vish…so i think lydman gets fowler and sutton gets sbisa or vice versa…u cant put suttons slow ass with lubo he wont keep up
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 1:03 PM PDT up reply actions
Brian Burke would probably make for a good old fashioned revival preacher. So too might Don Cherry.
Gary Bettman would be a politician — whatever requires professional levels of lying.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
barstool bob – irish spring salesmen
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 12:29 PM PDT up reply actions
Sammi Pahlsson – Earl’s cabana boy
Bailey – Rudy’s cabana lion
by GOOLIAN on Aug 18, 2010 12:30 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Rudy’s cabana lion
i think thats fuckin hilarious
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 12:32 PM PDT up reply actions
If not for hockey, this blog would just be a collection of posts whining about life experiences, obsessing about video games and TV shows, abusing bad puns, and drawing silly irrelevant cartoons.
So I guess about two fewer posts a week or something. :)
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
Indeed, very little would change.
Drew Remenda would praise a bottle of child poison if it had a picture of Darryl Sutter on it.
Battle of California
Wait...
This is a hockey blog?
I thought it was a bad web comic with wiki editing workshops.
"Douglas Murray is a humongous human being." – Drew Remenda
Don’t forget a place to go for bad spelling contetsts :)
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
shit i know…damn rudy u suck at spelling
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 1:17 PM PDT up reply actions
My 6th Grade Spelling Bee 2nd Place ribbon says otherwise, my friend.*
*I misspelled, “Misspell.” Swear to God.
I could misspell….misspell in my sleep
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 1:26 PM PDT up reply actions
I misspelled the word “failure.”
Drew Remenda would praise a bottle of child poison if it had a picture of Darryl Sutter on it.
Battle of California
u spell it s-h-a-r-k-s
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 1:30 PM PDT up reply actions 10 recs
Cruelty, thy name is Spade.
Drew Remenda would praise a bottle of child poison if it had a picture of Darryl Sutter on it.
Battle of California
even i couldnt screw up that “tee-up”
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 1:33 PM PDT up reply actions
That will show me to quote “The Office.”
Drew Remenda would praise a bottle of child poison if it had a picture of Darryl Sutter on it.
Battle of California
I believe you have my stapler.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Wrong Office (Space)
For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.
ummm…yeeeeeeea
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 6:07 PM PDT up reply actions
ummm…yeeeeeeea..Mike Im gonna need you to come in saturday…and ummm…yeeeeeeea..sunday as well ok….thanks a bunch
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 19, 2010 7:08 AM PDT up reply actions
you suck!
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
by Angy on Aug 18, 2010 1:34 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
okay all those giving you the green, you suck as well! ugh!!!
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
Damn, at least I got a second place trophy in third grade.
I got “scientist” wrong. IT HAUNTS ME TO THIS DAY!
"Skillet, we just spent $64,000 in that bar. So we're gonna have to get jobs to cover up the fact that we rob banks" -Mouse Fitzgerald
puck daddy headlines:
An update from the NHL’s rules development camp, where 3-on-3 overtime gets an endorsement from Ken Hitchcock. Also, hybrid icing seems to be a hit. [Snapshots]
damn imagine OT hero scotty 3 on 3?..would be an automatic point for us damn
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 1:47 PM PDT reply actions
Yeah, I don’t know if it would be that much of a change. Seems we go from playing four men to playing three men two minutes into every overtime. :)
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
They’re going to set the clock to 3 minutes for 4 on 4 and then stop play and do a faceoff at center for 3 on 3?
That seems like a lot of wasted time for 5 minutes.
lets just go back to ties for gawds sake..tired of these extra points
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 2:01 PM PDT up reply actions
i heard he also endorsed this:
the krispy creme cheeseburger
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 2:11 PM PDT up reply actions
oh yuck!!
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
i think i know what my last meal is before i hit the gas chamber…although might die on my way to the gas chamber..lets hope theres not a double version
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 2:35 PM PDT up reply actions
If not for hockey...
Anze Kopitar – Racially Insensitive Masked Vigilante
The Spirit of MeatTrain'10!
by DodgerBlueBalls on Aug 18, 2010 2:20 PM PDT reply actions
I was trying to think of a good one for Anze. I had something about that lotion that’s supposed to remove dark circles from under your eyes, but I scrapped it. This is way better.
Drew Remenda would praise a bottle of child poison if it had a picture of Darryl Sutter on it.
Battle of California
hahaha
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 18, 2010 2:36 PM PDT up reply actions
Devin Setoguchi: Guy in the Macy’s suit who sits in one of the desks at the Wells Fargo signing up new customers
Jamal Myers: Rave promoter (note: only applies when eyebrows are dyed in alternating brown/blonde stripes)
Henrik Zetterberg: Justin Bieber
Bret Hull: Adult softball league co-commissioner (duties relegated to end-of-season party planner)
Patrick Kane: High school junior varsity wrestling coach who’s irrationally paranoid he’s getting short changed
If not for hockey – I would actually be productive / have a life
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
Teemu Selanne – Pesäpallo Player (Finnish Baseball)
Seriously, have you seen this fucking sport? The Finns took baseball and made it interesting. Look at the Finnish baseball diamond:
Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2000 of something.
This looks like a visual punchline of some joke they tell in Sweden about Finns.
by ievans on Aug 18, 2010 4:48 PM PDT up reply actions 2 recs
They’re playing Calvin ’n Hobbes baseball? Can you hit the ball twice and have your run count as double?
The pitcher stands in the home area and tosses the ball straight up. Not joking.
UNRELATED: Handel is the most overrated composer ever...
by Bleys on Aug 18, 2010 6:01 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions
and then he moves out of the way fast?
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
Sometimes he doesn’t. That’s what the IR is for.
UNRELATED: Handel is the most overrated composer ever...
by Bleys on Aug 18, 2010 6:08 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions
Thought I’d add this. It’s worth it after the anchor talks.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yAwTUy104I&feature=youtube_gdata_player
UNRELATED: Handel is the most overrated composer ever...
by Bleys on Aug 18, 2010 6:07 PM PDT via mobile up reply actions
wait, it’s interesting? d’oh…
Мы в любовь играли,
И как кровь из вены капает слеза.
Remember kids it's down the road not across the street
I have to say, I’m very intrigued, especially about the part at the end of the game when the winning team charges onto the field each one carrying a bat — does that ever turn out ugly? :)
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
probably not… then again, i don’t think i’ve ever actually watched baseball game. it’s more of a rural thing (helsinki doesn’t even have a team in the championship league)
Мы в любовь играли,
И как кровь из вены капает слеза.
Remember kids it's down the road not across the street
Sounds like a league that’s on the cusp of expansion — we should get on this while it’s still grass-roots. :)
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
anaheim to our baseball league? i’d might have to watch a game or two then ;)
Мы в любовь играли,
И как кровь из вены капает слеза.
Remember kids it's down the road not across the street
Anaheim of Los Angeles of Finland
For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.
by Nut on Aug 19, 2010 8:50 AM PDT up reply actions 2 recs
try to add vodka brand somewhere in that and it fits perfectly!
Мы в любовь играли,
И как кровь из вены капает слеза.
Remember kids it's down the road not across the street
Absolut vs. Koskenkorva match would be epic…
Мы в любовь играли,
И как кровь из вены капает слеза.
Remember kids it's down the road not across the street
Mike Ricci – ladies hairdresser.
Brad Staubitz – MMA fighter… Duh!
Scott nichol – meth dealer
Todd Mclellan – George Clooney body double
Doug Wilson – swim instructor on Hawaii.
Fernando Pisani – Ulcerative Colitis spokesperson.
by skilletboy on Aug 18, 2010 9:33 PM PDT via mobile reply actions
Devin Setoguchi-Ed Hardy wearing frequenter of Starbucks or any other “trendy” coffee shop
Don't let the name deceive you, I'm not just a Sharks fan but a Lakers, 49ers, Angels, Giants (and to a lesser extent) Capitals, and Titans fan.
by SharksFanEst.1994 on Aug 18, 2010 9:37 PM PDT reply actions
Bret Lindros & Pat LaFontaine- Crash Test Dummy
by Mike in OC on Aug 18, 2010 10:18 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Ha, I was going to say something like: Pat LaFontaine — genius, but that seemed a little mean.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
If Not for Hockey
Michael Handzus – the newest addition to the Struthio Camelus exhibit at the San Diego Zoo!
The Spirit of MeatTrain'10!
by DodgerBlueBalls on Aug 18, 2010 10:49 PM PDT reply actions
Every picture of Handzus makes me think he should be in an orange jumpsuit and known as Michal Alan Handzus or something. Dude has the visage of a murderer with special circumstances.
by ievans on Aug 18, 2010 11:20 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Jonas Hiller – genocidal dictator
George Parros – motherfucking pirate
Teemu Selanne – all male sauna chain owner/operator
Jason Blake – assassin for the Vatican
We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
by I.C. Wiener on Aug 19, 2010 8:36 AM PDT reply actions 4 recs
Excellent work, Don Wiener!
The Spirit of MeatTrain'10!
by DodgerBlueBalls on Aug 19, 2010 8:39 AM PDT up reply actions
Jason Blake – assassin for the Vatican
haha
For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.
Seriously — that’s incredible.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
he does kinda look like that guy…u think he whips himself too?
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 19, 2010 9:10 AM PDT up reply actions
admit it, you want to do that to yourself … :)
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin
i aint gonna lie i like a little pain
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 19, 2010 9:38 AM PDT up reply actions
Dany Heatley – Ferrari salesman
Kent Huskins – Superhero: The Invisible Man
Marc-Edouard Vlasic – Heir to a pickle empire
Jed Ortmeyer – hemotologist
We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
by I.C. Wiener on Aug 19, 2010 8:48 AM PDT reply actions 5 recs
Dany Heatley – Ferrari salesman
“Slightly used?” Show me the Carfax.
"Ridin’ The Meat Train & Dreaming of Jack’s Johnson All Summer Long!"
http://www.battleofcali.com/
hahahaha!!
"You must be the pendejos I keep hearing about!"
-John Marston-
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Aug 19, 2010 9:11 AM PDT up reply actions
Anze Kopitar – actor, garbage can enthusiast. Had a part in The Great Outdoors
Wayne Simmonds – porn star
Michael Handzus – muppet
Ryan Smyth – serial killer
We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
by I.C. Wiener on Aug 19, 2010 8:58 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Drew Doughty-Professional Bogey Boarder
Ryan Smyth-Judge for Night Court or violinist
Oscar Moller-Goes West
Wayne Simmonds-Greeter at Hollister
Ratis Ivanans-Gelato scooper
For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.
by Nut on Aug 19, 2010 9:16 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
I changed my mind-
Ratis Ivanans- Host of the NEW Blues Clues
For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.
Is no one gonna comment on the fact
that Meg envisions Joe Thornton as a gay porn actor?
Proud member of the "Bring Back Semenov" Club
Nothing to see here, move along.
Drew Remenda would praise a bottle of child poison if it had a picture of Darryl Sutter on it.
Battle of California
Oh, and
“Alexi Semenov – Bridge Troll”
Drew Remenda would praise a bottle of child poison if it had a picture of Darryl Sutter on it.
Battle of California
I see Joe running a bicycle rental shop with a delightful young man named Jean-Phillipe. He lives in Quebec and is trying to get a handle on French. He wears a scarf.
by RudyKelly on Aug 19, 2010 10:33 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Ryan Getzlaf – wig maker
Corey Perry – TSA agent
We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
by I.C. Wiener on Aug 19, 2010 12:11 PM PDT up reply actions
Pavel Datsyuk: late night talk show host (“The Good Times with Pasha Hour!”). Every show would open with a James Brown song, and he’d come out and salute the audience and do a little dance.
Then he’d sit down on the couch with all his guests, in a dapper little suit, and crack everyone up while doing vodka shots.
In Dinglebarn We Trust
by Niesy on Aug 19, 2010 12:06 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
I feel like I can’t laugh at Datsyuk any more than I can someone who’s mental challenged.
For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.
Joe Thornton
Scientist
Author of Woolly Mammoth Kinda Guy
I can honestly say, this is one of the funniest SB Nation websites I have read.
Wade Redden – Minor league baseball player
Thanks – we’re the best..
Drew Remenda would praise a bottle of child poison if it had a picture of Darryl Sutter on it.
Battle of California
Although I love Blueshirt Banter and all the people in there are pretty funny and informative, I was on this one for about 5 minutes and laughed more than I did on any other teams site.
We appreciate it dude. That’s what we’re here for.
Drew Remenda would praise a bottle of child poison if it had a picture of Darryl Sutter on it.
Battle of California
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Pacific Standings
| GP | W | L | OTL | PT | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
San Jose
|
49 | 29 | 14 | 6 | 64 |
|
Los Angeles
|
52 | 25 | 17 | 10 | 60 |
|
Dallas
|
50 | 26 | 22 | 2 | 54 |
|
Phoenix
|
51 | 22 | 21 | 8 | 52 |
|
Anaheim
|
51 | 19 | 24 | 8 | 46 |
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