As you all know The Ducks blue line is suffering pretty badly. Wiz being banished to the Islanders really doesn't help much. What I'm about to suggest is crazy, probably not legal, and absolutely absurd. But desperate times call for desperate measures.

That is a picture of my girlfriend's dog, Mia. And the holder of that hockey stick is me. Every once in awhile I'll practice stick handling in my kitchen with a small tennis ball. The other day, this interested Mia and she sort of made a game out of it. I try to stick handle around her and she trys to get the ball. At first this was no challenge to me, but then the little bastard started getting really good. So, here's my solution:

The Ducks sign Mia to a 3 year entry level contract. She can't stick handle, check, pass, shoot, has no concept of what team she's on, and has pretty shitty cardio. But from a team that once employed the likes of Ryan Whitney and Steve Eminger, this is all easily forgivable. On the up side, she'll never take a penalty.... Unless they add biting or pissing on the ice to the NHL rule book. She's relentless.... Unless the opponents all bring bacon which they use as a distraction.