Kings Gameday: Meet The King!

by RudyKelly on Jan 3, 2011 8:30 AM PST

Next Game

Monday, Jan 3, 2011, 6:00 PM PST
Staples Center

The NHL & Stan Lee unveiled their newest super hero, and guess what? It's The King! His super powers are super strength, seismic shift (?), a force field and making me uncomfortable just by his presence. Here's the video and... Jesus Christ, NHL, this would have been embarrassing in 1994, let alone 2011. I'm shocked The King isn't shooting pogs and wearing a slap wrist band.

Ryan Lambert brings up a solid point in this week's What We Learned: who is this aimed at? Kids don't read fucking comic books anymore unless they're Japanese and even if they did, they're smart enough to avoid marketing gimmicks like this one. I feel sorry for the kid who does get this comic or movie or whatever, because you know his parents are probably divorced and his dad is trying to connect with him but all the dad knows is that his kid likes hockey and hey, this is hockey, right?

And really, the biggest disappointment is that they missed a golden opportunity to get creative with their super powers. Instead of taking Shredder's head and giving him Sue Storm's powers (Jessica Alba makes me uncomfortable too), they could have given him super powers that are intristic to Los Angeles, like the ability to wear skinny jeans or bang your girlfriend or be a producer despite never actually doing anything. He should have a soft accent despite being born in Oxnard and a cell phone the size of a tic tac. It could have been awesome and they blew it.

This whole thing is embarrassing and stupid and I wouldn't be surprised if they cancel it before they finish all 30 teams. It's a marketing misstep on such a massive scale that it could only be done by the NHL. I don't even think Canadians are lame enough to watch this and they make DeGrassi. The only solace I'm going to take from this is that at least San Jose and Anaheim's super hero will probably be just as lame.

Prediction: Kings win, 6-0. All goals by The King. Thanks, seismic shift!

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Comments

You posted one second later than me? You bastard!

From this day forward, I shall be the sworn enemy of the King!

The reason Texas is so big is so it can hold all the bullshit.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Jan 3, 2011 8:32 AM PST reply actions

who is this aimed at?

Me. In middle school I made a list of all the teams and what powers a superhero with each team’s name would have, and I have NOT grown out of this phase. I’m excited as hell to see the rest of them, you joyless old man.

The reason Texas is so big is so it can hold all the bullshit.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Jan 3, 2011 8:34 AM PST reply actions

“The Duck Guardian is described as ‘Rebel with a trust fund.’”
This could be considered pretty OC.

I don’t even know what that means! Ducks, stereotypically, don’t have trust funds as far as I know. And what could one rebel against? Eating bread quietly next to a park bench?

but this part is funny. I liked Ryans write-up.

"There is no gravity son, the world just sucks." - my father.

by tu madre on Jan 3, 2011 8:39 AM PST reply actions

Ryan Lambert is cool.

I kinda hope the Ducks superhero is just a duck. Like, there’s The Penguin shooting freeze rays out of his eyes and The King making force fields, and then in all the chaos there’s just a little duck walking around, quacking and eatin’ some bread. He can be named Bill.

The West Coast is the Best Coast.

by RudyKelly on Jan 3, 2011 10:50 AM PST up reply actions 2 recs

hahaha I wouldnt mind that at all.

"There is no gravity son, the world just sucks." - my father.

by tu madre on Jan 3, 2011 10:57 AM PST up reply actions

Ryan Lambert is cool.

That’s not the adjective I’d use. But hey, maybe his 30th Ponikarovsky joke will change my mind.

In Dinglebarn We Trust -- JftC

by Niesy on Jan 3, 2011 11:00 AM PST up reply actions 1 recs

Ryan Lambert is an idiot, for the most part

For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.

by Nut on Jan 3, 2011 3:08 PM PST up reply actions 2 recs

Damn I didn’t even know this project had a Twitter feed, and has been holding voting contests to see which heroes get revealed next. The Kings beat the Ducks you guys!

I’m all over this.

The reason Texas is so big is so it can hold all the bullshit.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Jan 3, 2011 8:44 AM PST reply actions

I brought this up in the comments weeks ago.

"There is no gravity son, the world just sucks." - my father.

by tu madre on Jan 3, 2011 8:49 AM PST up reply actions

Well you should have said it louder.

The reason Texas is so big is so it can hold all the bullshit.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Jan 3, 2011 9:21 AM PST up reply actions

Now, now. No revealing Ducks superheroes until I’m back in the hemisphere.

Probably it should just be Jonas Hiller, though.

www.battleofcali.com

by Earl Sleek on Jan 3, 2011 1:01 PM PST via mobile up reply actions

the blackhawks would agree with you

dont belive me check out the post gam comments on second city hockey

~como estas...bitches~
Go Ducks!
www.battleofcali.com

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jan 3, 2011 1:06 PM PST up reply actions

His helmet looks like Quick’s, and his silver abs are funny. I like the white patch of a uniform in the front, though. It totally looks like a bib.

Does he really have powers of “super healing”? We’d better hope so!

In Dinglebarn We Trust -- JftC

by Niesy on Jan 3, 2011 10:57 AM PST reply actions

It’s difficult to squirt gatorade into your mouth with that mouthless helmet on, hence the Royal Bib. What you can’t see is the Royal Moist Wipes he carries in his pocket.

These superheroes are the stupidest shit the NHL has assented to since the Fox robot animations that popped up like Whammies in Press Your Luck after one of the teams scored.

Could the comic book bullshit absolutely permeating our culture please stop soon?

Liftetime president of the Darren Turcott Q-Tip Dexterity Awareness Foundation
finally caved in, as @shampeon on the Twitternet

by ievans on Jan 3, 2011 4:56 PM PST up reply actions

At least he can eat BBQ in a tidier manner than Bruce Boudreau.

In Dinglebarn We Trust -- JftC

by Niesy on Jan 3, 2011 4:59 PM PST up reply actions

KC Masterpiece is a hell of a face moisturizer. It’s why Bruce looks so angelic!

Liftetime president of the Darren Turcott Q-Tip Dexterity Awareness Foundation
finally caved in, as @shampeon on the Twitternet

by ievans on Jan 3, 2011 5:14 PM PST up reply actions

Jessica Alba makes me uncomfortable too

we are “offically” on opposite sides of the spectrum now so who you dig?
they they have to look like this?

~como estas...bitches~
Go Ducks!
www.battleofcali.com

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jan 3, 2011 11:29 AM PST reply actions

so who you dig?
they they have to look like this?

Is this poetry or something?

The reason Texas is so big is so it can hold all the bullshit.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Jan 3, 2011 11:30 AM PST up reply actions

its open to interpertation like all my comments and posts

~como estas...bitches~
Go Ducks!
www.battleofcali.com

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jan 3, 2011 11:35 AM PST up reply actions

I meant she makes me uncomfortable because I have to hide my erection.

The West Coast is the Best Coast.

by RudyKelly on Jan 3, 2011 11:40 AM PST up reply actions

oh..well carry on

~como estas...bitches~
Go Ducks!
www.battleofcali.com

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jan 3, 2011 11:56 AM PST up reply actions

the good ole’ belt trick.

"There is no gravity son, the world just sucks." - my father.

by tu madre on Jan 3, 2011 12:24 PM PST up reply actions

or you pull out a pic of this

~como estas...bitches~
Go Ducks!
www.battleofcali.com

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jan 3, 2011 12:31 PM PST up reply actions

Canadians...

Might be lame enough. In fact, I bet that is exactly what it’s aimed at…15 and under Canadian kids.

by wavesinair on Jan 3, 2011 11:44 AM PST reply actions

They just finished the X-Men arcade game (this one) and are ready to get EXTREME.

The West Coast is the Best Coast.

by RudyKelly on Jan 3, 2011 11:48 AM PST up reply actions

So… who is ‘the King’ ?
Doughty?

by DoughlarBear on Jan 3, 2011 2:12 PM PST via mobile reply actions

So… who is ‘the King’ ?

The reason Texas is so big is so it can hold all the bullshit.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Jan 3, 2011 2:50 PM PST up reply actions

Be quiet…

by DoughlarBear on Jan 3, 2011 3:01 PM PST via mobile up reply actions

King Richard? King Louis? King Kong? Larry King?

For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.

by Nut on Jan 3, 2011 3:10 PM PST up reply actions 2 recs

I thought our third jersey history made it the Burger King.

In Dinglebarn We Trust -- JftC

by Niesy on Jan 3, 2011 4:06 PM PST up reply actions

I personally hate everyone that I haven't met in person.

by brokenyard on Jan 4, 2011 4:50 AM PST up reply actions 1 recs

My doughty idea was betterrrr

by DoughlarBear on Jan 4, 2011 8:21 PM PST via mobile up reply actions

What a colossal waste of money.

I see the campaign being effective for one thing, however. It will provide pleanty of leverage for the Players Union when it argues for an increased Cap and The League counters with the “we’re losing money” argument.

by Sparman on Jan 3, 2011 4:12 PM PST reply actions

I'm still waiting for the NHL to get a cease and desist letter from DC Comics...

…for ripping off one of their oldest and most recognizable comic characters: The Penguin.

"I could have conquered Europe, all of it, but I had women in my life." - King Henry II of England

by Calvert on Jan 3, 2011 5:41 PM PST reply actions

USA needs our help in the World Juniors. They are getting worked by Canada right now. Think patriotic thoughts.

"There is no gravity son, the world just sucks." - my father.

by tu madre on Jan 3, 2011 5:46 PM PST reply actions

terrorists.

"There is no gravity son, the world just sucks." - my father.

by tu madre on Jan 3, 2011 6:48 PM PST up reply actions

Have fun with bronze or whatever you get

by DoughlarBear on Jan 4, 2011 8:17 PM PST via mobile up reply actions

and you guys talk shit about our dmen…?…your guys were made fuckin silly last nite pathetic

~como estas...bitches~
Go Ducks!
www.battleofcali.com

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jan 4, 2011 5:25 AM PST reply actions

wish I could disagree

For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.

by Nut on Jan 4, 2011 9:01 AM PST up reply actions

the second sharp goal is hilarious

~como estas...bitches~
Go Ducks!
www.battleofcali.com

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jan 4, 2011 9:08 AM PST up reply actions

fuck off

For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.

by Nut on Jan 4, 2011 9:35 AM PST up reply actions

the kings D isnt as horrible as this at least

~como estas...bitches~
Go Ducks!
www.battleofcali.com

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jan 4, 2011 9:55 AM PST up reply actions

Seems like Drewiske and Martinez are good for at least one colossal fuck up per game. Simmonds didn’t do them any favors by pitching it into Drewiske’s skates while he had Sharp standing right in front of him, but then the panic that ensued was embarrassing

by AnnihilatorRich on Jan 4, 2011 10:33 AM PST up reply actions

you the drill before all games where the team lines up at the blue line and one player fishes out pucks and passes to each player at the blue and he steps and shoots?…that was the ducks vs chicago in the 3rd period with the ducks Dmen turning it over and Tee-ing it up for a hiller save….luckily Hiller stopped them all…18 in all

~como estas...bitches~
Go Ducks!
www.battleofcali.com

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Jan 4, 2011 10:41 AM PST up reply actions