Battle of California Fantasy Report: Week 3

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Spade has the conch shell and is writing this week's report and will take full advantage and do what I want. I hate that goalies determine a majority of the winners...so Im gonna go ahead and ignore them. If you knew your goalie had a great week and you want pop a boner about it  do so in the comments. I was busy yesterday and will be today...so this is half ass-ed..which should fit right in to the normal fantasy recap

Premier Match-up

Rule 64 vs. Fournick Gators

Rule 64 wins 10-3!

MVP: Former duck Chris Kunitz had a good week..gawd would be nice to have him back on our top line.

LVP: Jakub Voracek, whoever you are you sucked ass…Iginla laid an egg too.

Tu madre seems to not be trying this year or drinking too much brass monkey...one or the other..Im not sure what makes the determination on what is a "Premier Match-up" so I went with this one..

spades lil bandito's vs. Windy City Frostbite

Windy City Frostbite wins 12-2!

MVP: a lot to choose from..how bout Alex Steen, 3 goals +1 8 SOG. And who the fuck is Bryan little? 40 face-offs won?

LVP: a lot to choose from here also how bout Zetterberg a -5?

Tim Connolly is off the IR so all my problems are solved! Scottyknows is my co-manager so i blame this undressing all on you bud...when is the last time scottyknew anything?

 

Sleek and Destroy vs. Keepem on the Island
Keepem on the Island wins 10-3!

MVP: Erik Karlsson from Ottawa I guess is pretty damn good.

LVP: Need more from Pavel Datsuyk, -5 ouch!!

the mighty sleek falls from the top perch!

 

Certified Ninjas vs. Bearodactyls

Bearodactyls wins 11-3!

MVP: jamoir fuckin jagr, 5 goals, 17 sog

LVP: Paul stansy was underwelhming.

who the fuck owns these 2 teams? I don’t know you so you don’t get a cool comment

 

Anzeholics Anonymous vs. Brows

Brows wins 11-4!

MVP: Jason Spezza was a beast: 3 goals

 

LVP: Magnus "ignoramus" Paajarvi had a bad week...

Niese and Grace you were Brow beaten!!...ohhh look at me!. is that a pun?

 

Kittons Mittons vs. UNSC Guiding Light

UNSC Guiding Light wins 8-5!

MVP: the team with metal poop for a logo had contributions from most everyone..Logan Couture contributed in the most catagories

 

LVP: Dustin Penner you were fatter and sucker than usual...want to come back to the ducks?

in the battle of the worst trash talking "We will feast on your souls and drink your nutritious blood! " space poop wins…oh and Nut has Kyle Clifford in his lineup…dear god

 

Teal Blades vs. Brain and Braun

Brain and Braun wins 8-6!

MVP: both these teams had horrible stats…Dan boyle did the most to help his team with +4 and 9 SOG.

LVP: Kris Versteeg would fit nicely in the Ducks lineup as he didn’t show up either..or didn’t play enough..too lazy to look up….

2 sharks fans go fin to fin and stink it up

 

PICKLESNAKE!!! vs. Sir Mitchellot

PICKLESNAKE!!! wins 8-6!

MVP: Kimmo Timonen a defensemen was a fuckin +8…Really?...I mean really..some shitty center who hasn’t won shit also did well..lets just say my free t-shirt prospects took a hit..

 

LVP: pleases me to say Simon Gagne took a shit.

I rhymed right there! some better smack talk in this matchup per Meg "One time I founded a boy band. It was between my couch cushions."

 

Team Quake vs. (Colin) White Power

Team Quake wins 6-5!

MVP: Hey Rudy, Ryan Smyth went 3 goals, 3 assists +2…I bet you’d rather have than penner or gagne right? lol

 

LVP: the uglier of the twins Daniel Sedin played like a fire crotch..that makes sense right?.

all the goalies in this matchup have first names that start with "J"...

 

Team Tugboat vs. The Snuffle Bunnies

Team Tugboat wins 6-5! (really you lost to rudy?)

MVP: Danny Briere was a beast in most categories…wayne simmonds 10 PIM..you bad boy!

LVP: breaking my rule here..because A)PNK pisses me off and B) always fun to laugh at the #1 pick in a fantasy draft doing bad C)cuz its Roberto Luongo and D)cuz I can

seriously PNK you lost to Rudy…CHOKE YOURSELF NUMBNUTS!

 

This was a bad week for me to do this..as Im super busy at work and at home..I still did what I could...I wanted to add Rum diary quotes as I watched the movie on friday..but didnt have time..Ill give this a better shot another time. Fuck goalies!
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