Brent Burns: Mr. Fancy Pants
by Megalodon on Nov 8, 2011 6:10 PM PST
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PrintTuesday evening, Brent Burns tweeted the following:
My normatech machine just came in! It's unreal! Great machine any athlete or someone with injuries should check it out! http://yfrog.com/nynmhyj
The link led to this picture:
I have spent the last hour staring at this picture. It has become my new God.
Do you doubt the glory of the image? Are you not impressed by Mustachioed Man Reclining in Robotic Sex-Pants (the image's proper title)?
Well don't worry - I can help. After the jump, I'll show you exactly how much awesome is contained in this picture.
(Spoiler alert: it's a lot of awesome.)
After he tweeted the Greatest Picture Ever, Brent followed up with this helpful explanation:
Haha great comments! Its actually a machine that is a massager.... Pushes all the lactic acid and bad blood out to your headr
I did some research into this "NormaTec" company and have learned a lot about how these magical pants work, and I'll pass that knowledge on to you below. But, even more important than the Pants, this image gives us a glimpse of Brent Burns in his natural habitat - so I'll point out some interesting features about BrentWorld as well.
With a picture this incredible, you have to break it down into manageable chunks. Let's start with the upper-left corner:
Next we have the upper-right:
Now the bottom-left, featuring the pants themselves:
And now for the final piece of the picture:
There you have it, everyone. I hope this has helped all of you to properly understand and appreciate Brent Burns and his Amazing Inflatable Pants.
Brent is probably still chilling out there on his floor, wearing his Pants and playing some Modern Warfare, or maybe reading that new book about dragons that he was so excited about. Just thinking about Brent there makes me think that maybe, just maybe...everything in the world is going to turn out okay.
At least the sex-pants related stuff in the world, anyway.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to spend several more hours staring at this image, while this song plays in the background.
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You, sir, are the reason why "blog," written backwards, spells, "golb."
"Never start a fight, but ALWAYS finish it."
@TheFourthPeriod How intense with the #Bruins #Habs PO series be? || @Noctro Like K-Y Jelly lit on fire. || @TheFourthPeriod Wow. Best. Answer. Ever.
"I still say McLellan needs to roll Pavelski, Marleau, and Stetoguchi together. No one would go NEAR that line."
My Twitter
by Noctro on Nov 8, 2011 6:24 PM PST via iPhone app reply actions 3 recs
Depending on how you cut the pockets, every pair of pants can become a pair of sex pants.
by RudyKelly on Nov 8, 2011 6:31 PM PST reply actions 5 recs
THIS!
"Lots of people ride the waves of disruption that he provides."
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Nov 9, 2011 5:50 AM PST up reply actions
This is awesome. Well done.
Editor:Hockey Wilderness Editor:In Lax We Trust Now with more Twitterness: ReynoldsSBN
Please consider donating to my Movember campaign. Together, we can change the face of men's health.
I'm mobile
Can someone please rec for me?
by TnSD11 on Nov 8, 2011 6:49 PM PST via mobile reply actions
Done.
Now someone, uh, rec it for me.
"Never start a fight, but ALWAYS finish it."
@TheFourthPeriod How intense with the #Bruins #Habs PO series be? || @Noctro Like K-Y Jelly lit on fire. || @TheFourthPeriod Wow. Best. Answer. Ever.
"I still say McLellan needs to roll Pavelski, Marleau, and Stetoguchi together. No one would go NEAR that line."
My Twitter
You people are so dumb. Just rec it, un-rec it, then rec it again. You have fulfilled your end of the bargain as technically no one said that you couldn’t un-rec it.
Ohhh....
….good point.
Are you running for office?
"Never start a fight, but ALWAYS finish it."
@TheFourthPeriod How intense with the #Bruins #Habs PO series be? || @Noctro Like K-Y Jelly lit on fire. || @TheFourthPeriod Wow. Best. Answer. Ever.
"I still say McLellan needs to roll Pavelski, Marleau, and Stetoguchi together. No one would go NEAR that line."
My Twitter
someone please unrec this for me.
by meetyourmako on Nov 9, 2011 11:23 AM PST up reply actions 5 recs
Check yourself before you Rec yourself.
"Never start a fight, but ALWAYS finish it."
@TheFourthPeriod How intense with the #Bruins #Habs PO series be? || @Noctro Like K-Y Jelly lit on fire. || @TheFourthPeriod Wow. Best. Answer. Ever.
"I still say McLellan needs to roll Pavelski, Marleau, and Stetoguchi together. No one would go NEAR that line."
My Twitter
This picture is just all full of awesome!
I'm warning you! I have ADHD and I know how to use it!!!
Good job Giants, now win 3 more world series titles and then you just might be worthy of being mentioned in the same league as the A's.
THAT IS NABOKOV IN NET NOT NITTYMAKISHUTUP!!!!!!!!!!
San Jose: Being Kept save from ferocious enemies by the Sharks and Earthquakes since 91 and 96.
He’ll ever leave the house now! Those robojerkoff trousers have three suction speeds!
Dinglebarnin' It JftC
by Niesy on Nov 8, 2011 6:54 PM PST reply actions 2 recs
Good work Meg.
I think you got the remotes mixed up however.
Leslie Knope: "...but it has a lot of heart."
April Ludgate: "That's what people always say when something sucks."
Fear The Fin's Fifth-String Moderator !!
I think you got the remotes mixed up however.
That means the decoy is working.
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
by Megalodon on Nov 8, 2011 6:55 PM PST up reply actions 4 recs
Great, now you just blew their cover!
Leslie Knope: "...but it has a lot of heart."
April Ludgate: "That's what people always say when something sucks."
Fear The Fin's Fifth-String Moderator !!
Every pair of pants I’m wearing are sex pants. EVERY pair.
Proud member of the "Bring Back Semenov" Club
"The only crying allowed in hockey is when you lose a playoff series, retire or JR is speaking publicly." - Jamie Baker
"You are down with the homies, my friend." - Randy Hahn
Kent Huskins cares.
"Don't fart on my chair mutha fuckah!" - Randy Hahn
"Pavs with great feed but what a release by Wingels Peanut Butter Baby!"" - Jamie Baker
Haha, and i’m glad i’m not the only one that thinks it’s odd to want to push all the acid and bad stuff to your head. NOT LIKE THERE’S ANYTHING IMPORTANT UP THERE…lmao
Contrary to popular belief, the brain is actually a fairly minor organ. It is part of the endocrine system, and is primarily dedicated to processing lactic acid and bad blood.
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
in the head is the brain
Proud member of the "Bring Back Semenov" Club
"The only crying allowed in hockey is when you lose a playoff series, retire or JR is speaking publicly." - Jamie Baker
"You are down with the homies, my friend." - Randy Hahn
Kent Huskins cares.
"Don't fart on my chair mutha fuckah!" - Randy Hahn
"Pavs with great feed but what a release by Wingels Peanut Butter Baby!"" - Jamie Baker
by PNK on Nov 9, 2011 7:51 AM PST up reply actions
Burns was made for BoC or maybe BoC was made for Burns.
GO SHARKS!
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin (see profile for more info on this quote)
Dirty clothes just thrown any old place.
Smithers is totally slacking at his job!
www.battleofcali.com
Snakes must have gotten him.
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
by Megalodon on Nov 8, 2011 7:29 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
Fantastic.
When I'm not battling in California:
Cycle Like The Sedins
Holy Crap!!
You are absolutely right. There is so much awesome here that I wrapped most of it up in tin foil and put it in the fridge.
this is hilarious
"Lots of people ride the waves of disruption that he provides."
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Nov 9, 2011 5:53 AM PST reply actions
That’s a smile you only get when there’s a snake licking your butthole.
Brent Burns, I call sloppy seconds with the sex pants.
"There is no gravity son, the world just sucks." - my father.
by tu madre on Nov 9, 2011 6:02 AM PST via mobile reply actions 2 recs
oh my
Niles: You'll see who feels foolish when I'm sitting on a mechanical bull sipping champagne.
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Nov 9, 2011 6:24 AM PST up reply actions
i would be proud to be..shes awesome…she needs to get a job first though…im a needy son
Niles: You'll see who feels foolish when I'm sitting on a mechanical bull sipping champagne.
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Nov 9, 2011 9:40 AM PST up reply actions
22 recs.
Proud member of the "Bring Back Semenov" Club
"The only crying allowed in hockey is when you lose a playoff series, retire or JR is speaking publicly." - Jamie Baker
"You are down with the homies, my friend." - Randy Hahn
Kent Huskins cares.
"Don't fart on my chair mutha fuckah!" - Randy Hahn
"Pavs with great feed but what a release by Wingels Peanut Butter Baby!"" - Jamie Baker
Marleau’s sex pants have a small rip in them causing awkward episodes of cybertrouser flatulence.
by dikfor on Nov 9, 2011 11:58 AM PST via iPhone app reply actions
not to make light of that whole thing, though, it is reprehensible. I’m not listening to any apologetic bullshit on behalf of the coaches, they are all huge assholes, including the old man
by HaroldRamis on Nov 9, 2011 12:26 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
+1 on that sentiment, for sure.
"Never start a fight, but ALWAYS finish it."
@TheFourthPeriod How intense with the #Bruins #Habs PO series be? || @Noctro Like K-Y Jelly lit on fire. || @TheFourthPeriod Wow. Best. Answer. Ever.
"I still say McLellan needs to roll Pavelski, Marleau, and Stetoguchi together. No one would go NEAR that line."
My Twitter
Man to Man?
Hands-On?
Nope, I think Touched is it. Quite a lot of new “reviews.”
It is that thing that I sent to you.
by whine_country on Nov 9, 2011 9:08 PM PST up reply actions
Go Deep
From Two-Hand Touch to Full Contact
Proud member of the "Bring Back Semenov" Club
"The only crying allowed in hockey is when you lose a playoff series, retire or JR is speaking publicly." - Jamie Baker
"You are down with the homies, my friend." - Randy Hahn
Kent Huskins cares.
"Don't fart on my chair mutha fuckah!" - Randy Hahn
"Pavs with great feed but what a release by Wingels Peanut Butter Baby!"" - Jamie Baker
I've been thinking more about the story behind this picture.
Here’s how I think it went down: Burns’s robot pants arrived in the mail. He was so excited that he abandoned his bowl of food, stripped off his jeans and threw them on the back of the chair, and immediately put on his robot pants. He was really happy and gave his wife his phone so she could take a picture of him. At the last minute he had her bring him his “good hat” so he wouldn’t look dumb in the picture.
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
by Megalodon on Nov 9, 2011 4:06 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
He better set them things to "11" before tomorrow's game.
"Never start a fight, but ALWAYS finish it."
@TheFourthPeriod How intense with the #Bruins #Habs PO series be? || @Noctro Like K-Y Jelly lit on fire. || @TheFourthPeriod Wow. Best. Answer. Ever.
"I still say McLellan needs to roll Pavelski, Marleau, and Stetoguchi together. No one would go NEAR that line."
My Twitter
Not to 50!
For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.
by Nut on Nov 9, 2011 6:29 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
lol
Proud member of the "Bring Back Semenov" Club
"The only crying allowed in hockey is when you lose a playoff series, retire or JR is speaking publicly." - Jamie Baker
"You are down with the homies, my friend." - Randy Hahn
Kent Huskins cares.
"Don't fart on my chair mutha fuckah!" - Randy Hahn
"Pavs with great feed but what a release by Wingels Peanut Butter Baby!"" - Jamie Baker
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