Discovering the object of the game *is* the object of the game.
On Sharks vs. Ducks:
So for some reason the Sharks can't beat the Ducks this year. It's weird. By every possible measure, the Ducks are an objectively bad team. The Sharks have beaten much better opposition consistently all season long. What's going on? Here are three theories:
1) The Ducks play a particular style of hockey that, while clearly ineffective against most teams in the league, manages to give the Sharks a lot of trouble. For the benefit of our readers, I'll describe this using the nerdiest analogy possible: the Ducks are a button-mashing little kid playing Street Fighter. Against most skilled opponents, they will be easily beaten. The Sharks are great at beating skilled opponents, but when faced with a button-masher San Jose's strategies - which are based on the assumption that their opponents will behave logically and will play with a certain minimum level of skill - fall apart.
2) It's random chance. The Sharks are a good team and the Ducks are a bad team, but good teams still lose and bad teams still win. It's just a fluke that the Ducks have been beating the Sharks so far this season. This is probably the correct theory, but it's boring.
3) The Sharks don't take the Ducks seriously. And, really, can you blame them?
On the Canucks:
The Sharks play the Canucks tonight, then rest until the new year when they play the Canucks again on January 2nd. The Canucks have been rolling lately, with a record of 8-2-1 in their last eleven games. They started the season slowly but have come back strong, taking the division lead away from the Minnesota "Derek Zona told you so" Wild.
Sports fans love to call certain games "tests" or "statements." I rarely do that because it's stupid, but I'm going to do it now: these next two games are a good test for the Sharks. This is a chance for San Jose to make a statement. Beating the Canucks twice in a row would be a big accomplishment, and would start 2012 off on a great note for the Sharks.
On the practice of tossing dead animals on to the ice:
Please, everybody, stop doing this. It's horrifying.
Helping the Sharks win twenty games in a row, starting tonight, would be a great way for you to rekindle your worship in the modern era.
I'm just saying.
On the movie "The Game":
Sharks win 5-1.