The Dodgers signed Merkin Valdez. Yep, Merkin Valdez...
(*Looks around, suppresses smile)
Wait, seriously? Am I being punked?
Ol' Merkin probably won't make the team and we'll probably never hear about him after today but... still. Merkin Valdez. What the hell. Valdez was actually the name of the other tanker that crashed in 1989, except instead of oil it spilled... you know what, nevermind.