Kings Gameday: The 5 Most Things I'm Thinking About




Last week, Meg did bullet points instead of writing an actual article. It was shameless and an abuse of one of the internet blogger's oldest tricks. ...Now here's a list:

5) Both Ryan Smyth and Justin Williams have 1 goal in their last 10 games. They've tailed off as Anze Kopitar and Dustin Brown have come on recently. Hopefully they're just struggling a little bit and not falling off like they did last year.

4) Is there a more baffling casting decision than the casting of Jon Voight in Anaconda? I've been thinking about it and I'm drawing a blank. Maybe Adrien Brody as Arnold-lite in Predators, but even then Brody is actually a good actor. If you haven't seen Anaconda... shame on you. It's about a camera crew that travels down to South America to film a documentary on some native tribe. They hire an unscrupulous tour guide, a Paraguayan snake hunter (they have those?), who commandeers their boat to hunt for the world's largest anaconda. This strapping Paraguayan, who beats up a number of the male crew and almost seduces the heroine, is played by... a 59-year old Jon Voight. Who does an accent. Terribly. It's by far the weirdest part of that movie, and that movie features a snake who screams.

(If you're wondering what the greatest casting decision ever is, it's Christopher Walken in The Rundown. I like to think he's playing Christopher Walken in that movie. Like, Walken got tired of acting so he bought a mine in South America and started yelling about oompa loompas and trying to murder The Rock.)

3)The Kings don't get 2 consecutive days off for 19 days. In that time, they'll play every conference opponent currently in a playoff spot except San Jose and Chicago.

2) Those Miller Lite commercials, the ones where you have some guy not care about his beer and then gets called a douche bag for it, is probably the worst marketing campaign I've ever seen. It's fucking infuriating. The problem with those commercials is that they have douche bags doing the exact opposite of what they actually do at bars. A guy who wears sunglasses in a bar at night doesn't not care about the beer he drinks; he drinks only Newcastle or some microbrew that his law buddy sent him from Seattle before the brewery closed and nevermind, you guys probably don't carry it. They don't say, "Ah, whatever." People who don't really care are in fact cooler than people who do, even if they're in a European man thong. I actually feel bad for most of the guys in those commercials, especially the guy from City High.

And really, it is all the same. Miller, Bud, Coors, who the fuck cares.

1) Jonathan Bernier gets the start tonight after Jonathan Quick shat the bed last game. Good move, in my opinion. Bernier has quietly put up better stats than Quick since the All-Star Break (although he sucked in his last game) and it's a good idea to give him an important game like tonight. If you'll remember, I said at the beginning of the year that I thought Bernier would be starting in the playoffs and I'm still not entirely sure that won't happen. Quick has played great but ultimately you want your best goaltender playing. Is that Quick or Bernier? I'm still not sure.

0) I was still a little on the fence about Dustin Penner as a person until recently. I thought, "Yeah, I guess he seems all right but still, he probably hangs out with Corey Perry."

Then I found out he loves Sour Patch Kids. Hey, I love Sour Patch Kids! Maybe we can eat Sour Patch Kids and talk hockey.

 

Prediction: Kings win, 4-1. Goals by Penner (x2), Richardson and Stoll. Afterward, the team goes out for Sour Patch Kids but have their flavor choices mocked by an old white man with a Spanish accent.

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