Navigation: Jump to content areas:


Pro Quality. Fan Perspective.
Login-facebook
Around SBN: The Week In Worst: When Baseball Goes Wrong

Sharks Gameday: Spectrorective

Some of my finest work.



 

Tonight we once again find the Sharks looking to beat up on the Stars in order to solidify their playoff position. The last game between these two teams was a little testy*, with Dany Heatley stupidly elbowing Steve Ott in the head and Steve Ott having his period all over the locker room after the game. It was disgusting.

Douglas Murray had an awesome game against the Stars last time, even if one of his hits might have been borderline-dirty**. He ruled the ice and beat the heck out of Steve Ott, which should be worth fifty goals. I'd be worried about possible retaliation against Murray this game, but we all know it isn't possible to hurt Murray without the use of anti-tank missiles or a vorpal sword.   

Star-divide

In their remaining games the Sharks play Dallas and the Kings once, and the Ducks and the Coyotes twice each. More than any other single team, the Sharks control playoff positioning in the West, so tonight let's hope San Jose does their part to keep the filthy bastard Stars from gaining any points.

Prediction: Sharks win 4-1, with a hat trick for Douglas Murray and another goal for Logan Couture.

 

Warning: Incoming self-congratulatory bullshit!

Hey, you know what? I've been writing for Battle of California for one whole year! Isn't that crazy?

My first-ever post (not counting all the great ones that I secretly wrote for Rudy) was on March 31st of last year. I talked about how awesome the Sharks are, and how they're objectively and subjectively better than the Kings or the Ducks. One year later, this is more true than ever.

My first-ever gameday post was on April 2nd, coincidentally discussing the hated Dallas Stars. In it I pointed out that Steve Ott looks just like comedy actor Alan Tudyk. Then, as now, nobody cared.

I've written a lot of stupid bullcrap in the past year, but there have been a few diamonds amongst the turds. Here are my three favorite posts from my first year of writing:

3. Sharks Gameday: Team Meeting  - Obscure pop-culture references, bad photoshop, stupid jokes, and very little actual hockey content - I really established my unique blogging "voice" early on, and I haven't strayed from it since.

2. Sharks Gameday: Holiday Gift Ideas - Diving into the depths of eBay to dredge up some horribly awesome hockey-related disasters.

1. Sharks Gameday: How to Lift a Curse - I single-handedly turned the Sharks' playoff luck around by burning some twigs and gum.

So there we have it. Two out of the three best things I've ever written came in April of last year, and I've basically been coasting since then, livin' large on these sweet SB Nation paychecks. Life is good.

Oh, and one time I pissed off the Coutures. That was exciting.

 

* = "Little Testy" was also Rudy's high-school nickname.

** = Yes, just ONE of them, reactionary Dallas Stars fans who happen to read this blog. The hit on Loui Eriksson was totally clean, he just got hurt because Douglas Murray is made of concrete.

Comment 74 comments  |  3 recs  | 

Do you like this story?

More from Battle of California

Actual Analysis: Kings-Blues

Apr 2012 by RudyKelly - 81 comments

Sharks Gameday: We Got the Blues

Apr 2012 by Megalodon - 140 comments

Sharks Gameday: Justify My Hate

Apr 2012 by Megalodon - 215 comments

Sharks Gameday: Fighting Saints

Apr 2012 by Megalodon - 209 comments

BoC Gameday: Hypersleep

Apr 2012 by Megalodon - 281 comments

Sharks Gameday: You Can't Play

Apr 2012 by Megalodon - 78 comments

Comments

Display:

Congrats Meg!

and GO SHARKS!!

Unfortunately I’m headed into enemy territory today – Anaheim. My youngest is in orchestra, plays the string bass, and his class is in a competition this weekend down that way. We are leaving today and won’t be back till Sunday. No hockey for me till Monday.

Someone hold down the fort.

GO SHARKS!
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin (see profile for more info on this quote)

by Angy on Mar 31, 2011 6:13 AM PDT reply actions  

So your’e already doing an “In Retrospect” post? The season isn’t already over. Or is it just because you’re a Sharks fan, you truly do realize your season is quickly coming to an actual end?

by Wooster11 on Mar 31, 2011 6:47 AM PDT reply actions  

Here are my three favorite posts from my first year of writing:

Like everything I write, this is way more about me than about the Sharks.

I was almost going down and then I didn’t go down and then it came and it was too late to get down.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Mar 31, 2011 6:50 AM PDT up reply actions  

In honor of your one-year achievement, I will gladly cheer for a Sharks regulation victory tonight.

Fuck those Stars.

www.battleofcali.com

by Earl Sleek on Mar 31, 2011 6:57 AM PDT up reply actions  

You still just bitter that Meg won the first BoC write-off.

GO SHARKS!
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin (see profile for more info on this quote)

by Angy on Mar 31, 2011 9:11 AM PDT up reply actions   1 recs

Wooo!

I was almost going down and then I didn’t go down and then it came and it was too late to get down.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Mar 31, 2011 10:10 AM PDT up reply actions  

yea my favorite meg post was the one he did with me…your robin..meg…ROBIN!!!

Meg bows down to my fantasy greatness
"Thank you very much fans and let’s go for the next game together!"
Go Ducks!
www.battleofcali.com

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 31, 2011 10:21 AM PDT up reply actions  

What about my robin?

I was almost going down and then I didn’t go down and then it came and it was too late to get down.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Mar 31, 2011 10:26 AM PDT up reply actions  

stop inserting it into glory holes

Meg bows down to my fantasy greatness
"Thank you very much fans and let’s go for the next game together!"
Go Ducks!
www.battleofcali.com

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 31, 2011 10:31 AM PDT up reply actions  

Aww...

I was gonna point out that he was in A Knight’s Tale…

Proud member of the "Bring Back Semenov" Club
"The only crying allowed in hockey is when you lose a playoff series, retire or JR is speaking publicly." - Jamie Baker
"You are down with the homies, my friend." - Randy Hahn
Kent Huskins cares.

by PNK on Mar 31, 2011 9:29 AM PDT up reply actions  

Don't forget Dodgeball

He was the illiterate pirate …

by yinhole on Mar 31, 2011 9:39 AM PDT up reply actions  

(Firefly/Serenity spoiler alert…)

WASH LIVES!!!!!!

Managing editor of From The Rink
www.fromtherink.com

by Mike Chen on Mar 31, 2011 10:50 AM PDT up reply actions   1 recs

finally i regonize him!!

all u had to say was the pirate from dodgeball meg

Meg bows down to my fantasy greatness
"Thank you very much fans and let’s go for the next game together!"
Go Ducks!
www.battleofcali.com

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 31, 2011 10:18 AM PDT up reply actions  

It’s called catering to your audience

by AnnihilatorRich on Mar 31, 2011 10:54 AM PDT up reply actions  

I just want to make sure I have my pronunciation right…is it pronounced like Alan Two-dick?

…would that be an advantage or a disadvantage?

Does he call it Luongo underwear?

Co-Manager at Behind the Net

by Bettman's Nightmare on Mar 31, 2011 8:19 AM PDT reply actions  

disadvantage…girls would freak out and run when you dropped your pants…only the sicko chics that do horses in such would appreciate the 2 members..now if u looked like dave navarro…you might be able to get away with it

Meg bows down to my fantasy greatness
"Thank you very much fans and let’s go for the next game together!"
Go Ducks!
www.battleofcali.com

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 31, 2011 10:20 AM PDT up reply actions  

So glad you didn’t say the sicko girls who hang out at BoC … :)

GO SHARKS!
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin (see profile for more info on this quote)

by Angy on Mar 31, 2011 10:22 AM PDT up reply actions  

technically, that would make him a shark…

by CapnBlinky on Mar 31, 2011 4:27 PM PDT up reply actions  

you know… claspers? anyone?

by CapnBlinky on Mar 31, 2011 4:28 PM PDT up reply actions   1 recs

Ah, so the point of having two dicks is not to use them both at once, it’s so you can always keep one fresh and ready.

by meetyourmako on Mar 31, 2011 4:46 PM PDT up reply actions  

It’s so one can hold on while the other does it’s work

For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.

by Nut on Mar 31, 2011 5:40 PM PDT up reply actions  

Great stuff…..loved How to Lift a Curse. Those were crazy times.

by Sharkgirl on Mar 31, 2011 8:43 AM PDT reply actions  

how they’re objectively and subjectively better than the Kings or the Ducks. One year later, this is more true than ever

nope

Little Testy" was also Rudy’s high-school nickname

he can still be nicknamed this I can attest

Meg bows down to my fantasy greatness
"Thank you very much fans and let’s go for the next game together!"
Go Ducks!
www.battleofcali.com

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 31, 2011 10:28 AM PDT reply actions  

You knows it.

I was almost going down and then I didn’t go down and then it came and it was too late to get down.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Mar 31, 2011 10:50 AM PDT up reply actions   1 recs

What about the Deadwood posts? Those turned the season around.

Managing editor of From The Rink
www.fromtherink.com

by Mike Chen on Mar 31, 2011 10:51 AM PDT reply actions  

I don’t want to take all the credit. The Sharks helped a little bit too.

I was almost going down and then I didn’t go down and then it came and it was too late to get down.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Mar 31, 2011 11:02 AM PDT up reply actions  

I literally LOL’d when I read your first post about Kopitar’s mother being a raccoon. Classic! Congrats on one year.

You’re right Mike- Those Deadwood posts were the season changer!

GO SHARKS!!!!

Waiting for the Cup to come to SJ since 1991...

GO SHARKS!

by winthecupsj on Mar 31, 2011 10:52 AM PDT reply actions  

As Al Swearengen might say…

“I do believe, sir, that the fucking lack of effort and cocksucker play came to an end when Megalodon’s fucking appropriate use of quotes from Deadwood showed up. What a coincidental fucking kick to the prick.”

(or something like that)

Managing editor of From The Rink
www.fromtherink.com

by Mike Chen on Mar 31, 2011 11:11 AM PDT up reply actions  

hahaha

Meg bows down to my fantasy greatness
"Thank you very much fans and let’s go for the next game together!"
Go Ducks!
www.battleofcali.com

by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Mar 31, 2011 11:16 AM PDT up reply actions  

Damn two seasons of that just wasn’t satisfying.

GO SHARKS!
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin (see profile for more info on this quote)

by Angy on Mar 31, 2011 11:22 AM PDT up reply actions  

There were three, but I totally agree.

I was almost going down and then I didn’t go down and then it came and it was too late to get down.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Mar 31, 2011 11:36 AM PDT up reply actions  

tu madre: Thanks but shhhhhh.

I was almost going down and then I didn’t go down and then it came and it was too late to get down.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Mar 31, 2011 12:03 PM PDT reply actions  

Hahaha.

www.battleofcali.com

by Earl Sleek on Mar 31, 2011 12:08 PM PDT up reply actions  

hahahahahahahahaha.
any time .

"There is no gravity son, the world just sucks." - my father.

by tu madre on Mar 31, 2011 4:38 PM PDT up reply actions  

ITPSTD, the Sharks would play the Ducks. That would be an amazing series.

The Ducks and the Coyotes are both possible first-round opponents, and the Sharks have two games against each of those teams in the final week of the season. That’s crazy. Depending how the standings are looking on those days, those are going to be like bonus playoff games.

I was almost going down and then I didn’t go down and then it came and it was too late to get down.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Mar 31, 2011 12:07 PM PDT reply actions  

That’s true, but if the Ducks don’t stop winning (hahahaha), there’s no way we can’t catch the Coyotes. :)

www.battleofcali.com

by Earl Sleek on Mar 31, 2011 12:09 PM PDT up reply actions  

Is there an inside joke somewhere?

by Scottyknow on Mar 31, 2011 2:00 PM PDT up reply actions  

Just that Meg hasn’t properly considered the ramifications of the unlikely scenario of the Ducks winning out the rest of their season.

www.battleofcali.com

by Earl Sleek on Mar 31, 2011 2:34 PM PDT up reply actions  

That’s rational

For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.

by Nut on Mar 31, 2011 2:46 PM PDT up reply actions   1 recs

Congrats!

nice jabberwocky reference as well.

by meetyourmako on Mar 31, 2011 1:06 PM PDT reply actions  

Odds to win the cup

1. Vancouver 3/1
2. Detroit 8/1
3. San Jose 10/1
4. Phoenix 28/1
5. Los Angeles 22/1
6. Anaheim 35/1
7. Nashville keep dreamin
8. Chicago 18/1

by yinhole on Mar 31, 2011 3:00 PM PDT reply actions  

1. Vancouver 3/1

That’s insane.

www.battleofcali.com

by Earl Sleek on Mar 31, 2011 3:17 PM PDT up reply actions  

Maybe the Kings should try Jack out at forward.

by Scottyknow on Mar 31, 2011 3:59 PM PDT reply actions  

hahaha

I knew something along those lines was coming.

by Scottyknow on Mar 31, 2011 4:18 PM PDT up reply actions  

That’s an excellent pic. LOL

by Scottyknow on Mar 31, 2011 4:18 PM PDT up reply actions  

My favorite part is the score. :)

www.battleofcali.com

by Earl Sleek on Mar 31, 2011 5:43 PM PDT up reply actions  

Scotty doesn’t know which story he’s commenting on.

I was almost going down and then I didn’t go down and then it came and it was too late to get down.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Mar 31, 2011 4:11 PM PDT up reply actions  

Happy Anniversary, Señor Alodon.

Taylor Morgan: "My abortion was botched!"
Teemu Selanne: "Wow. That sounds awesome."

by DodgerBlueBalls on Mar 31, 2011 4:05 PM PDT reply actions  

I’m sure they’re complaining about the late start time for this game for their stupid time zone.

I was almost going down and then I didn’t go down and then it came and it was too late to get down.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Mar 31, 2011 4:41 PM PDT up reply actions  

Everything is bigger in Texas. Even the bitching and moaning.

Taylor Morgan: "My abortion was botched!"
Teemu Selanne: "Wow. That sounds awesome."

by DodgerBlueBalls on Mar 31, 2011 4:53 PM PDT up reply actions   1 recs

well, not everything

by CapnBlinky on Mar 31, 2011 7:17 PM PDT up reply actions  

ott already trying to slewfoot heater. what a shithead.

by CapnBlinky on Mar 31, 2011 7:49 PM PDT reply actions  

Crush their aspirations!

www.battleofcali.com

by Earl Sleek on Mar 31, 2011 8:48 PM PDT up reply actions  

Hahaha Ben Eager all-star quality goal.

I was almost going down and then I didn’t go down and then it came and it was too late to get down.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Mar 31, 2011 9:47 PM PDT reply actions  

That was beautiful

s

by Scottyknow on Apr 1, 2011 10:58 AM PDT up reply actions  

Did you see Kadri’s shootout move? That was the stupidest thing ever.

Tsn is on his nuts like he’s the league leading goal scorer or something.

s

by Scottyknow on Apr 1, 2011 12:03 PM PDT up reply actions  

This is the best game ever.

I was almost going down and then I didn’t go down and then it came and it was too late to get down.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Mar 31, 2011 9:57 PM PDT reply actions  

12 shots on goal for Marleau in this game. Holy fuck.

I was almost going down and then I didn’t go down and then it came and it was too late to get down.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Mar 31, 2011 9:57 PM PDT reply actions  

is there no staterape graphic for texas?

by CapnBlinky on Mar 31, 2011 10:05 PM PDT reply actions  

This will probably get fixed soon and I’m too lazy to take a screenshot right now, but over at Defending Big D somebody didn’t close their strike-through text and about half the page is like that now, including story titles and stuff on the side. It’s like this game broke everything related to the Dallas Stars in the universe.

I was almost going down and then I didn’t go down and then it came and it was too late to get down.
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Mar 31, 2011 10:06 PM PDT reply actions  

Haha..fuckers.

I was also too lazy to take a screenshot…

"Thank you very much fans and let’s go for the next game together!"

— Lubomir Visnovsky

I rec’d that shit.

by Steven Hida on Mar 31, 2011 10:17 PM PDT up reply actions  

Texas Mess

Everything is bigger in texas, except the probability of re-signing Brad Richards. Good luck after that gem of a game you dirty bastards.

by HaroldRamis on Apr 1, 2011 12:43 PM PDT reply actions  

Comments For This Post Are Closed


User Tools

Takes and trash talk from all sides of the NHL's most pathetic* rivalry

* Thanks, Kevin Lowe!

FanPosts

Community blog posts and discussion.

Recommended FanPosts

0107001523_small
Hockey, Burrito or Sex?

Recent FanPosts

Small
Thank you Ryan Clowe
We_tried_icon_small
2012 Playoff Pool Update R1
Nangibbons_small
How Injuries Impacted the NHL's California Teams
We_tried_icon_small
2012 Stanley Cup Playoff Pool
Wdiamondbackrattlesnake_small
2011 Happy Holidays from the Sharks
Jumbo_small
Sharks fan coming down to a Kings game - advice??
Small
My Sharks rally video for the last 13 games & A prayer to the Hockey Gods
Wdiamondbackrattlesnake_small
What California thinks of the rest of America
Stanford_block_s_small
Logan Couture has moved on

+ New FanPost All FanPosts >

5 years old and counting!


Managers

Ducksuicide2_small Earl Sleek

Tumblr_ly4ejnteyd1r2sm49o1_500_small RudyKelly

Marleau_awkward_mustache_small Mike Chen

Megalodon_small Megalodon

Editors

San2_small Cheechew

Shark_hat_small pj48

Small jamestobrien

Authors

0107001523_small SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL