A Few Ways To Improve The Hall Of Fame

0) Kick whoever the fuck this guy is OUT. (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)

Now that the season is over, I've had some time to think about a few things hockey-related. One of the things that keeps coming back to me is my trip to the Hall of Fame about 4 years ago. It was a magical place, no doubt, but I couldn't but feel that there was just... something missing. The hall was missing, or at least I didn't see it (A BANK VAULT ISN'T A HALL). But something else, too. Anyway, I was trying to figure out what was missing and I kept getting close but not quite hitting the mark. Maybe you guys can help me figure out what's missing. Here's what I have so far:

1) Not Enough Recognition of Foreign Players

The Hockey Hall of Fame recognizes international success, it's true, but what about countries that haven't had international success? Do they not count? What motivation do they have to get better at hockey if there isn't someone there to recognize their effort? Teemu Selanne's Finnish jersey is there, but where is Matjaz Kopitar's?

I think one way to correct this problem would be to induct, as full members, great hockey players from other, lesser known countries. Like, induct whoever the greatest hockey player to come from Romania is, or whoever is really good and from Ireland or Egypt or whatever. That would be a good start.

2) What About Hockey's Greatest Moments?

I get that the Hockey Hall of Fame is about recognizing greatness, but people aren't the only great things about hockey. Where is the recognition for the greatest fights, or goals, or moments? I know I'd really like to see a small recognition of the greatest goal ever to be scored in the All-Star Game, for example. I know the Baseball Hall of Fame has a thing about Babe Ruth calling his shot, so maybe they could do something like that. Has anyone ever called their shot in an All-Star Game? If they did then they should totally be in there.

3) FACIAL HAIR

The biggest thing that separates hockey from the other major sports isn't all the ice, or the fighting, it's the facial hair. Facial hair is the manliest thing in the world and it's only appropriate that it's associated with the manliest sport. A wing of the Hall of Fame should be dedicated to facial hair. Who gives a shit about broadcasters, did you fucking see Lanny MacDonald's moustache??? Tim Thomas' beard from these last playoffs is an instant addition that should get a pass on the 5-year waiting period like Gretzky. And whoever had the greatest goatee in hockey history, that guy should be recognized too.

Well, that's what I have so far. I feel like there's one thing that ties all these points together, one person/place/thing that would have really made the Hall of Fame for me. Lord knows if I can figure it out. Anyone?

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