So long, peasants!
On September 7th of 2010, Fake Dan Ellis was born. One year and around 800 tweets later, it's time to call it quits.
I started Fake Dan Ellis in the midst of the #DanEllisProblems controversy. In the finest Internet tradition I stole a joke invented by someone else and rode it to stardom. I continued beating the corpse of the dead joke horse relentlessly for months, the steady flow of new followers feeding my twisted perseverance.
The highlight of the whole experience was probably the news article in Canada's National Post in which the real Dan Ellis was asked about Fake Dan Ellis. As Rudy pointed out at the time, I got a major media outlet to ask a professional athlete about a Twitter account that complains about the inflated price of top hats. I can now die happy.
I won't be tweeting as Fake Dan Ellis anymore, but I will still be writing here at Battle of California and on my associated Twitter account, @MegalodonBOC. If you've never visited our site before, welcome! If you thought Fake Dan Ellis was funny then you'll probably like what we do here. You don't need to be a fan of any California hockey team to enjoy stuff like our reviews of bad hockey movies, horrible hockey eBay stuff, and our Patrick Marleau Facts. Stick around - it's fun!
Finally, I'd like to thank the following people for helping to make the Fake Dan Ellis experience fun for the past 365 days:
1. Whoever originally came up with the #DanEllisProblems meme. I've tried my best to figure out exactly who this was, but since I keep finding conflicting information I'll just leave it open here - if you know the answer please let me know in the comments. For now I'll just say: thanks for the inspiration, mysterious stranger!
(Update: @ryanclassic has been named as the possible source of #DanEllisProblems. If that is correct then thank you, sir.)
2. Grey Wyshynski. Intentionally or not, Puck Daddy's stories on the Dan Ellis Twitter controversy served to fan the flames and spread awareness of what was going on. Additionally, when I finally had a tweet re-tweeted by @wyshynski it resulted in an explosion of followers, which in turn inspired me to keep going long beyond the point of reason.
3. The fans. Thanks to everybody who said nice things about @FakeDanEllis on Twitter. I read everything you said, and it made it a lot easier to ignore the people who kept saying that I had jumped the shark every couple of months.
4. The three people who bought shirts from the Fake Dan Ellis T-shirt Emporium. You people are the greatest heroes of all. I hope you like your shirts.
5. The engineers of the trade that sent Dan Ellis to the Ducks. Six months into making fun of Dan Ellis and then he gets traded to one of my least favorite teams, which plays practically in my backyard? The hockey gods must love me, and hate the Ducks. This was seriously the best thing that could have happened to @FakeDanEllis short of the real Dan Ellis running over a homeless man with his Segway.
6. Most importantly, I'd like to thank Dan Ellis. He seems like a really nice guy, and I think most rational people can understand the frustration he was trying to express originally. And now that he's had some time to think about things, I'll bet he can see why some people got a bit annoyed by his comments.
Come back to Twitter, Real Dan Ellis. We miss you.
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Comedy gold, kept in a money bin you can swim in
Thank you for the consistent laughs via this comedic creation. It never got old. ’Twas an honor to have inspired it in a roundabout way, even if it meant becoming “The Meanie Who Made Dan Ellis Take His Twitter Puck And Go Home.”
So, that said: Does that mean FakeDanEllisButler is available to hire, because I just re-upped with Yahoo! and …
by Wyshynski on Sep 12, 2011 6:49 AM PDT reply actions 3 recs
I didn’t realize Wysh had an SBN account.
Bring back PDR!
Proud member of the "Bring Back Semenov" Club
"The only crying allowed in hockey is when you lose a playoff series, retire or JR is speaking publicly." - Jamie Baker
"You are down with the homies, my friend." - Randy Hahn
If we all cared as much as Kent Huskins the world would be a better place.
"Don't fart on my chair mutha fuckah!" - Randy Hahn
Awesome
It’s impressive that you managed to keep it going so long and were so good at it. Also, @ryanclassic started #DanEllisProblems. Also, I doubt he’ll ever understand it.
Pension Plan Puppets: A Toronto Maple Leafs blog and a group therapy session.
Like reading thoughts confined to 140 characters? I'm on Twitter too.
@ryanclassic
That supports other info I found, so I’ll update the post, thanks.
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
[golf clap]
Well played indeed. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go register @FakeMegalodonBOC…
Japers' Rink: Hockey blogging from the most powerful city in the world
by J.P. on Sep 12, 2011 6:53 AM PDT reply actions 4 recs
Then also set up a @FakeBrentBurns and #make #them #best #friends.
www.battleofcali.com
by Earl Sleek on Sep 12, 2011 7:33 AM PDT up reply actions 2 recs
im trying to imagaine what fake meg would say..but im coming up empty
"A Chortled Evils Nip"
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 12, 2011 7:51 AM PDT up reply actions
It’s hard to be more inane and stupid than my real tweets.
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
fakemeg’s first tweet:
I fed chandler a gourmet breakfast and a lesson on semicolons #gaystuff
"A Chortled Evils Nip"
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 12, 2011 8:04 AM PDT up reply actions 2 recs
What about me?
I don’t want to be fed to no cat
"Playin hurt, baby that don't faze me. I don't got time for pain. The only pain I've got time for is the pain I put on fools who don't know what time it is!"
by Semi_Colon on Sep 12, 2011 8:38 AM PDT up reply actions 2 recs
what chandler wants…chandler gets…except decent attire apparently
"A Chortled Evils Nip"
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 12, 2011 8:54 AM PDT up reply actions
Second Tweet:
Just got my @fakespadeinvictorhell account up everyone follow, that means you @burnzie88 #best #friend ‘inserts picture of cat’
Dump and chase
@FakeMegalodonBOC
Playing dress up with @chandlercat tonight! Can’t wait to see him in his new dinner jacket!
by meetyourmako on Sep 12, 2011 10:34 AM PDT up reply actions 2 recs
forgot to add
Playing dress up with @chandlercat tonight! Can’t wait to see him in his new dinner jacket! #prayforchandler
"A Chortled Evils Nip"
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 12, 2011 10:45 AM PDT up reply actions 2 recs
@FakeMegalodonBOC
@chandlercat doesn’t like the teal bowtie I got him. Says a yellow one would bring out his eyes. #pickykitty
by meetyourmako on Sep 12, 2011 10:57 AM PDT up reply actions
#MegalodonProblems and #DanEllisProblems really aren’t terribly different.
www.battleofcali.com
by Earl Sleek on Sep 12, 2011 11:09 AM PDT up reply actions 3 recs
@FakeMegalodonBOC
No more treats for @chandlercat until he can correctly use “whom” in a sentence! #backtoschool
by meetyourmako on Sep 12, 2011 11:22 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
#MegalodonProblems and #DanEllisProblems really aren’t terribly different.
I got au jous on my cat!
by RudyKelly on Sep 12, 2011 11:30 AM PDT up reply actions 3 recs
you asshole…i was one of the few who knew it was you all along…how dare u take that away from me puto!!!
well i still know your gay…oh shit did i let that slip?
damn u to hell!!!!
why did remove the curtain so to speak?
"A Chortled Evils Nip"
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 12, 2011 6:59 AM PDT reply actions
Color me shocked at this revelation! I didn’t know meg was that funny!
by meetyourmako on Sep 12, 2011 10:35 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
I was guessing that it was either Meg or Rudy because the account followed them.
Leslie Knope: "...but it has a lot of heart."
April Ludgate: "That's what people always say when something sucks."
Fear The Fin's Fifth-String Moderator !!
by idunno723 on Sep 12, 2011 3:28 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
[shaking fist angrily] Meggggaalllodonn!!
Actually, I’m kind of proud the FDE account came from one you guys. Don’t get be wrong, I still hate you, but dammit, I respect you.
"I'm not a lady. I'm a DUCK!" - Connie Moreau, D2: Mighty Ducks
Managing Editor - Anaheim Calling
by Jen Neale on Sep 12, 2011 7:15 AM PDT via iPhone app reply actions
It's a sad day for fake twitter accounts.
Leslie Knope: "...but it has a lot of heart."
April Ludgate: "That's what people always say when something sucks."
Fear The Fin's Fifth-String Moderator !!
by idunno723 on Sep 12, 2011 7:17 AM PDT via mobile reply actions 2 recs
Who would have benefited most from buying a t-shirt? I need to know whether or not I should regret not buying one.
true story..ive met meg twice and both times he wore a blog inspired shirt
"A Chortled Evils Nip"
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 12, 2011 8:55 AM PDT up reply actions
...

"Playin hurt, baby that don't faze me. I don't got time for pain. The only pain I've got time for is the pain I put on fools who don't know what time it is!"
Dr. McNinja isn’t a blog, it’s a web-comic. Get your facts straight!
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
Dr. McNinja
im not sure what this is..but im so onboard
"A Chortled Evils Nip"
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 12, 2011 11:19 AM PDT up reply actions
One of the shirts you saw me wearing was a Dr. McNinja shirt. Others can be found here.
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
i regonize the hi five one
"A Chortled Evils Nip"
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 12, 2011 11:22 AM PDT up reply actions

im buying this one when i get paid
"A Chortled Evils Nip"
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 12, 2011 12:53 PM PDT up reply actions
There are few things worse than wearing blog t-shirts to meet someone you know only from the internet.
Wearing a web-comic shirt is one of those things.
by RedOscar on Sep 12, 2011 3:54 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
I wasn’t wearing those t-shirts because I was meeting spade, I was wearing them because they are awesome.
If you don’t like Dr. McNinja then that’s your problem, Man Who Hates Fun.
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
hey now the engineers i work with are all drunks…they have fun
"A Chortled Evils Nip"
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 13, 2011 5:35 AM PDT up reply actions
Engineers do not have fun. They just get more ridiculously nerdy to the point that they become entertaining as opposed to dorky.
they do seemed to get obsessed with things…like one guy wont shut up about boats…another loves cricket waaaay too much..but maybe thats cuz hes indian
"A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop"
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 14, 2011 5:03 AM PDT up reply actions
wasn’t wearing those t-shirts because I was meeting spade,
dont be coy meg…you were wearing it cuz you thought it would impress me…for the record it didnt
"A Chortled Evils Nip"
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 13, 2011 5:34 AM PDT up reply actions
The money would have gone to the “Fake Dan Ellis Escrow Relief Fund,” AKA my wallet.
The store is still open, if you want one!
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
So we have to wait like 9 more months before you reveal that you’re also Albert K? Fuck you, Barstool!
www.battleofcali.com
by Earl Sleek on Sep 12, 2011 7:26 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Is there a way to just convert @FakeDanEllis into @FakeIlyaBryzgalov and take all those followers on a new chapter of goalie insanity?
www.battleofcali.com
Fakebryzgoalie?
First tweet after the Flyers get scored on
WHY YOU HEFF TO BE BAD MESZAROS?
Hell on Ice/In Lou We Trust/Twitter
That's it. I'm sending you to El Paso to live with your real parents.
by Kevin Sellathamby on Sep 12, 2011 7:39 AM PDT up reply actions
Dog crossing street. #IlyaBryzgalovProblems
I better get credit next year! :)
www.battleofcali.com
by Earl Sleek on Sep 12, 2011 7:44 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
At this point, sure, but I’m sure the Flyers have some sort of Dry Island program when it comes to tweeting, too.
www.battleofcali.com
Impressive...
Earlier today, didn’t you predict that Kneemu’s announcing his return tomorrow? :)
It is that thing that I sent to you.
by whine_country on Sep 13, 2011 10:29 PM PDT up reply actions
Not Fake Dan Ellis… aww man.
Also, I always thought Fake Dan Ellis was Rudy’s doing rather than yours Meg
Hell on Ice/In Lou We Trust/Twitter
That's it. I'm sending you to El Paso to live with your real parents.
by Kevin Sellathamby on Sep 12, 2011 7:38 AM PDT reply actions
I always thought Fake Dan Ellis was Rudy’s doing rather than yours Meg
You son of a bitch.
Rudy came up with a couple of them.
“I spilled au jus on my cummerbund” was his.
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
Wasn’t that one yours? It’s my favorite.
If I had done it, Ellis would have been a lot meaner to Jeeves. Also, I would have quit after like 2 weeks. I’m not nearly insane dedicated enough to do this for a whole year.
My favorite Dan Ellis thing was that he actually had multiple butlers and he called all of them Jeeves. I was never sure but I like to imagine that he thought they were all the same person, despite one being white, one being black, one being a woman, etc.
it was strange no one got susupicous when fake dan ellis started posting at Boc
"A Chortled Evils Nip"
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 12, 2011 10:47 AM PDT up reply actions
Or, you know, when Meg wrote a fucking post interviewing Fake Dan Ellis.
by RudyKelly on Sep 12, 2011 10:52 AM PDT up reply actions 3 recs
for all the grammar debates and reading topics are commentors extensivily argue and make great thoughtful points on…yea they didnt catch that…
"A Chortled Evils Nip"
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 12, 2011 11:20 AM PDT up reply actions
Another clue: I was by far the best at “#BrodieBrazilProblems” during the brief time that existed.
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
Or, you know, when Meg wrote a fucking post interviewing Fake Dan Ellis.
I thought it was you who did that, Rudy!
by meetyourmako on Sep 12, 2011 12:26 PM PDT up reply actions
I still think rudy is albert K..its when rudy drunk on patron he logs in and has fun with us
"A Chortled Evils Nip"
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 12, 2011 12:28 PM PDT up reply actions
I thought it was you who did that, Rudy!
It’s funny because I offered to post that to throw people off, but Meg didn’t think it was necessary… so then he posts it and everyone thinks I had him post it to throw people off.
Honestly, I never gave any thought to who @fakedanellis was. Until I meet you, you all fall into the broad category of “faceless assholes on the internet.”
by meetyourmako on Sep 12, 2011 12:49 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Best tweet
…had to be “Does anybody have change for a diamond?”
Co-Manager at Arctic Ice Hockey
Want Jets historical stats, Gabe Desjardins metrics, Jets prospect scouting reports, player previews, and old school photos from the WHA days? Get your copy of the First Commemorative Maple Street Press Winnipeg Jets Annual for 2011-12 here.
by Bettman's Nightmare on Sep 12, 2011 11:02 AM PDT reply actions 3 recs
That one was my favorite, too. A friend of mine actually came up with that one.
“One of my pet peacocks is sick” was when I realized I may have stumbled on to something special.
“These foie gras Hot Pockets taste terrible” makes me laugh every time I think of it.
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
That guy Galimov succumbed to his injuries today.
by meetyourmako on Sep 12, 2011 11:17 AM PDT up reply actions
Sad day for hockey
I’m pretty stunned Rudy wasn’t the guy behind this
The more you drink, the less gruesome I look.
Writing and inciting at Barca Blaugranes
Troll @shadowking011
by Paul Udani on Sep 12, 2011 11:27 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
To be fair: if I wasn’t writing for this blog and active in the hockey twitter world, Fake Dan Ellis wouldn’t have happened. And I only started on this blog because of Rudy, so some credit can go to him.
BUT he only started writing for this blog in the first place because I told him he should try out for the open Kings writer position years ago, so really all the credit for everything should go to me.
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
by Megalodon on Sep 12, 2011 11:31 AM PDT up reply actions 3 recs
Dude – brilliant. This was for sure one of my favorite Twitter accounts of all time, and one of the few that I kept checking on regularly to see if I missed anything. That was as funny as hell, even months after Ellis ceased to be relevant.
Fear the Fin - where Russians are underappreciated.
Wait Dan Ellis is fake? Who is the guy masquerading as the Ducks mediocre back up, then?!
For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.
by Nut on Sep 12, 2011 2:56 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
(insert current or ex-shark goalies here)
"A Chortled Evils Nip"
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 12, 2011 3:19 PM PDT up reply actions
Kobe Bryant has agreed to play for turkey? Disgraceful! I would never play for less than pheasant!
by RudyKelly on Sep 12, 2011 3:00 PM PDT reply actions 5 recs
Holy crap
I had no idea Megs was behind FDE. Well done, fellow fin fan.
Fear The Fin = Man goes into cage... Cage goes into salsa... Shark's in the salsa... Our shark.
I've had to keep in secret for a few days
because I managed to read the post when it was originally posted before being taken down.
Proud member of the "Bring Back Semenov" Club
"The only crying allowed in hockey is when you lose a playoff series, retire or JR is speaking publicly." - Jamie Baker
"You are down with the homies, my friend." - Randy Hahn
If we all cared as much as Kent Huskins the world would be a better place.
"Don't fart on my chair mutha fuckah!" - Randy Hahn
Also, good work!
Loved @FakeDanEllis, didn’t ever really get stale, was just nice to see a chirp every now and again. You didn’t over do it.
The other day i was thinking about it and used @KFUCKINGP as a comparison, which I felt got old fast. Not quite the same thing, but you get what i mean.
Proud member of the "Bring Back Semenov" Club
"The only crying allowed in hockey is when you lose a playoff series, retire or JR is speaking publicly." - Jamie Baker
"You are down with the homies, my friend." - Randy Hahn
If we all cared as much as Kent Huskins the world would be a better place.
"Don't fart on my chair mutha fuckah!" - Randy Hahn
(shrugs) Ok, why not? Congrats, Sleekster.
Fear The Fin = Man goes into cage... Cage goes into salsa... Shark's in the salsa... Our shark.
Good work Meg
Too bad it had to end, I loved it
"You can't stop him, you can only hope to contain Kent Huskins!" - Randy Hahn 2/13/11
I'm on the tweets
Those tweets were comedy glod. I'll even try.
FakeDonCherry: Teemo Selami, something like that, scored 6 goals. But did you see Parros fight and grind, a good old canadien boy, the real hero of the game.
I'm warning you! I have ADHD and I know how to use it!!!
Good job Giants, now win 3 more world series titles and then you just might be worthy of being mentioned in the same league as the A's.
THAT IS NABOKOV IN NET NOT NITTYMAKISHUTUP!!!!!!!!!!
San Jose: Being Kept save from ferocious enemies by the Sharks and Earthquakes since 91 and 96.
oh yea that guy cracks me up everytime
that southern drawl and big nostrils are hilarious
"A Chortled Evils Nip"
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 13, 2011 5:37 AM PDT up reply actions
Meg, you are funny.
"There is no gravity son, the world just sucks." - my father.
by tu madre on Sep 12, 2011 9:16 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs
welcome to my life…your a minority!!!
"A Chortled Evils Nip"
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 13, 2011 5:38 AM PDT up reply actions
Fake Dan Ellis and a lot of other similarly stupid/silly shit has gotten me pretty close to joining Twitter. I still haven’t, only because I feel like its kinda pointless if you don’t have something to broadcast. But I’ve thought about it!
Very nicely done, Meg.
http://sacrificethebody.blogspot.com/
Sacrifice the Body - Examining the NHL through statistical analysis, reasoned thought, and blind conjecture.
Hah, I was wondering who started it. I figured it was a Predators fan, but didn’t really look into it. We had fun blowing the real Dan Ellis up in Game 1 vs the Ducks.
May vertigo find its way to your team’s doorstep someday. :)
www.battleofcali.com
by Earl Sleek on Sep 13, 2011 6:38 AM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Big deal, you scored a bunch of goals on Dan Ellis. Welcome to the club: it’s called Everybody.
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
i wish that wasnt so funny but it is…sad at the same time
"A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop"
www.battleofcali.com
by SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL on Sep 13, 2011 12:02 PM PDT up reply actions
Well, not Everybody. Ellis didn’t yield multiple goals to the Sharks or Kings in any of the three games he appeared against them last year.
www.battleofcali.com
How terribly inaccurate of me. It’s almost like I didn’t research it at all, but instead I was just trying to mock Dan Ellis!
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
Gotcha — it just sort of compelled me to remind folks that Ellis did very well for the Ducks last year.
www.battleofcali.com
He is an extremely adequate goaltender. I followed him closely all season, and was annoyed by how often he played well. It made the jokes harder.
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
You’re probably just unaccustomed to the way rich people talk. I’m not surprised.
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
I need to free up more time to argue about burritos.
Also I got bored.
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
Then I’ll use it now, for why I cannot finish thi
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California
by Megalodon on Sep 13, 2011 2:28 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Is it just me
or does he look French in that photo?
Proud member of the "Bring Back Semenov" Club
"The only crying allowed in hockey is when you lose a playoff series, retire or JR is speaking publicly." - Jamie Baker
"You are down with the homies, my friend." - Randy Hahn
If we all cared as much as Kent Huskins the world would be a better place.
"Don't fart on my chair mutha fuckah!" - Randy Hahn
Meg, you rock for keeping it going this long. Sad to see it end.
I hope you will make up for it with extra laffs here at BoC.
It is that thing that I sent to you.
Kept me laughing even after the joke got stale. But in my own mind, I prefer to read the headline:
Fake Dan Ellis killed in freak ballooning accident.
by meetyourmako on Sep 14, 2011 12:04 PM PDT up reply actions
Maybe they should’ve taken a locomotive. Too soon?
by ScottyKnows on Sep 14, 2011 2:21 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
This hot air balloon is too noisy. #DanEllisProblems
That was the final tweet I originally had planned. Special bonus to blog comment readers.
Owen Nolan saw my cat.
Battle of California

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