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Sharks Gameday: NHL Wines

Sometimes you don't really need these pointless pre-joke sentences.

Here's my report on a new series of wines inspired by NHL teams:

Anaheim Ducks wine: Strong notes of citrus. Makes you really dizzy.

Los Angeles Kings wine: I thought this was going to be good but I ended up sending it back. It was all corky.

San Jose Sharks wine: Starts off fresh and bold but ends on a bitter note.

Star-divide

Chandler_drinking_medium

Toronto Maple Leafs wine: Franzia boxed wine. Popular but awful.

Winnipeg Jets wine: Tastes like a bus. Frozen solid.

Pittsburgh Penguins wine: This wine would be really good if the grapes weren't always damaged.

Detroit Red Wings wine: Tastes like, and is, malt liquor.

Vancouver Canucks whine: "We're not even tough why do people hate us?"

Boston Bruins wine: Sold in a solid gold bottle, tastes like piss and glory, and is called "Hubris."

New York Islanders wine: I didn't get a chance to try this one because Rick DiPietro broke all the bottles.

Ottawa Senators wine: Voted "Best Wine in the World" by the Ottawa Senators Winemaker's Association.

Nashville Predators wine: Strong notes of country spices, fried chicken and gravy.

New Jersey Devils wine: It tastes pretty good I guess but it costs $1000 a bottle.

Dallas Stars wine: I hate this wine.

Minnesota Wild wine: For this wine they don't press the grapes, they just wait and allow them to regress to the mean.

Washington Capitals wine: The key flavor in this Russian wine falls flat. The result is disastrous.

Florida Panthers wine: The flavor is a strange mixture of cinnamon, asparagus, strawberries, and old car tires. Somehow, it tastes great.

Buffalo Sabres wine: This wine doesn't age well, and has gotten very bitter since its peak in 1999.

Montreal Canadiens wine: A distinctive mixture of citrus and sweet flavors with a strong aroma, this wine - I'm sorry, I won't get a chance to complete this joke. I've just been informed that I've been traded to Matchsticks and Gasoline.

Edmonton Oilers wine: Far too immature to be taken seriously.

Columbus Blue Jackets wine: Tastes like shit.



Prediction: You don't understand my plight.

Thanks for Rudy for help with this post. He is the Jack to my Miles.

Comment 43 comments  |  2 recs  | 

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Comments

Display:

someone ship me bottle of that new jersey wine

Washington Capitals wine: The key flavor in this Russian wine falls flat. The result is disastrous.

siiiiiigh….

Сколько дней, сколько слёз, сколько тревоги

Happy New Year! Hyvää uutta vuotta! С новым годом! Šťastný Nový Rok!

by sleza on Jan 14, 2012 7:24 AM PST reply actions  

maybe few teams were left out for they couldn’t figure anything for them?
cuz that list is missing also lightning, rangers, flyers, flames, coyotes, blues…

Сколько дней, сколько слёз, сколько тревоги

Happy New Year! Hyvää uutta vuotta! С новым годом! Šťastný Nový Rok!

by sleza on Jan 14, 2012 7:34 AM PST up reply actions  

now there’s a wine i do not want to taste… :P

Сколько дней, сколько слёз, сколько тревоги

Happy New Year! Hyvää uutta vuotta! С новым годом! Šťastný Nový Rok!

by sleza on Jan 14, 2012 7:56 AM PST up reply actions  

Rangers wine- the bottle looks expensive, but the actual product isn’t as good. Also unavailable between April to June.

Flyers wine- 75% alcohol content, so you too can trade a dollar for 3 pennies like Paul Holmgren does.

Hell on Ice/In Lou We Trust/Twitter
Everyone has more goals than Scott Gomez

by Kevin Sellathamby on Jan 14, 2012 7:57 AM PST up reply actions   1 recs

...

Сколько дней, сколько слёз, сколько тревоги

Happy New Year! Hyvää uutta vuotta! С новым годом! Šťastný Nový Rok!

by sleza on Jan 14, 2012 8:08 AM PST up reply actions  

Sideways…interesting.

It is that thing that I sent to you.

by whine_country on Jan 14, 2012 8:54 AM PST reply actions  

I really like Alexander Payne, because he’s so great about making the audience develop some pathos with characters that are fairly unlikable, in a realistic way, and then following them until their pathetic lives inevitably fall apart. But it’s funny.

It was really hilarious watching the wine industry basically just decide, fuck it, Sideways is about wine and it’s popular, so we’re going to use it for marketing, ignoring all the actual characters and events in the movie.

Picklesnakebit since 2011.
@shampeon

by ievans on Jan 14, 2012 11:06 AM PST up reply actions  

Yeah I like it cause it’s funny.

"The beating hearts of other creatures are like needles in my brain. Only once I have silenced them all will I have peace." -Owen Nolan
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Jan 14, 2012 11:26 AM PST via mobile up reply actions   1 recs

GO SHARKS!

Now I will need wine while watching the game later.

Altho I will miss the first period and hopefully only the first period. Seems I’m going to a 49ers playoff party. 11 hockey games today and I’ll be watching football. The things I do for friends. ugh!

GO SHARKS!
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin (see profile for more info on this quote)

by Angy on Jan 14, 2012 10:03 AM PST reply actions  

Well, you’ll only miss the first period at the pace of this 49er game. Better than nothing..

by RedOscar on Jan 14, 2012 3:55 PM PST up reply actions  

I actually missed the 1st and 2nd period – but damn what a game! I’ve always been told that I have to be at next weekends playoff party.

GO SHARKS!
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin (see profile for more info on this quote)

by Angy on Jan 14, 2012 5:46 PM PST up reply actions  

I know! Niners win, Sharks are up on top after two. Can’t complain too much right now.

by RedOscar on Jan 14, 2012 5:46 PM PST up reply actions  

Yeah but the Sharks are playing Columbus… the 49ers just beat Brian Hayward’s Saints. Only one of these is impressive.

If you imagine a salt shaker in your hand, tilt your head back
and act like you're shaking salt into your mouth; you will taste salt if you concentrate hard enough.

by brokenyard on Jan 14, 2012 6:03 PM PST up reply actions  

Your 40th favorite is Frasier: The Movie?

by meetyourmako on Jan 14, 2012 11:18 AM PST reply actions  

You’re thinking of the Ku Klux Likueur.

by meetyourmako on Jan 14, 2012 3:11 PM PST up reply actions  

I wouldn’t say Sharks win ends on a bitter note. More like in the end you realize its more disappointing than you were previously willing to admit. And like Angy, I’m now craving wine.

BTW, what’s this about Nitty being upset about not getting playing time?

by RedOscar on Jan 14, 2012 3:57 PM PST reply actions  

He’s in a frustrating position and Pollack is pumping him for quotes. It’s nothing.

by meetyourmako on Jan 14, 2012 4:19 PM PST up reply actions  

Chandler drinking

Is he trying to finish The Blue Dahlia?

The West Coast is the Best Coast.

by RudyKelly on Jan 14, 2012 4:03 PM PST reply actions  

Looks like some Sutter Home, so even if he’s watching that, he’d only tell you about it privately. Not in the media.

It is that thing that I sent to you.

by whine_country on Jan 14, 2012 4:10 PM PST up reply actions   1 recs

Playing “The Streetbeater” after a big save…well played, Blue Jackets PA crew.

It is that thing that I sent to you.

by whine_country on Jan 14, 2012 4:24 PM PST reply actions  

Oh yeah...
Winnipeg Jets wine: Tastes like a bus. Sold in libraries. Frozen solid.

Just thought it might belong there.

It is that thing that I sent to you.

by whine_country on Jan 14, 2012 4:55 PM PST reply actions  

Tonight’s Sharks wine is Clowe LaChance.

It is that thing that I sent to you.

by whine_country on Jan 14, 2012 5:38 PM PST reply actions  

I might be the only person in the world, but his cage looks pretty good on him. Makes him more “animalistic.”

by RedOscar on Jan 14, 2012 5:45 PM PST up reply actions  

I’m a fan of the cage.

Also, correction: the label is Clowe LaGreiss.

It is that thing that I sent to you.

by whine_country on Jan 14, 2012 5:56 PM PST up reply actions  

Correction: Clowe LaFuckRickNash.

It is that thing that I sent to you.

by whine_country on Jan 14, 2012 6:05 PM PST up reply actions  

Correction: Clowe Marleau.

It is that thing that I sent to you.

by whine_country on Jan 14, 2012 6:23 PM PST up reply actions  

NO!!

GO SHARKS!
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin (see profile for more info on this quote)

by Angy on Jan 14, 2012 6:04 PM PST reply actions  

GOAL!!!

GO SHARKS!
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin (see profile for more info on this quote)

by Angy on Jan 14, 2012 6:21 PM PST reply actions  

Great NHL hairstyles

Something fun to check out.

GO SHARKS!
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin (see profile for more info on this quote)

by Angy on Jan 14, 2012 6:23 PM PST reply actions  

How did I know that that would start out with a Kane photo?

by RedOscar on Jan 14, 2012 6:26 PM PST up reply actions  

Yeah … I laughed at all the pics. :)

GO SHARKS!
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin (see profile for more info on this quote)

by Angy on Jan 14, 2012 6:32 PM PST up reply actions  

WIN!!

GO SHARKS!
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin (see profile for more info on this quote)

by Angy on Jan 14, 2012 6:26 PM PST reply actions  

WIN!

You heard it from me first.

by meetyourmako on Jan 14, 2012 9:50 PM PST reply actions  

…And get your bone smooched. Sideways rules.

For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.

by Nut on Jan 14, 2012 10:31 PM PST reply actions   1 recs

Not hockey related but still a very exciting two minutes that happened today.

GO SHARKS!
Ever get the feeling we are on a collision course with reality?
"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security" -- Benjamin Franklin (see profile for more info on this quote)

by Angy on Jan 14, 2012 10:44 PM PST reply actions  

Vancouver Canucks whine: “We’re not even tough why do people hate us?”

Well-played. :-)

"I think you just outed yourself as Dean Lombardi. I knew it all along." — Rudy Kelly

by DougX on Jan 14, 2012 11:44 PM PST reply actions  

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