FanPost

Spade changes for ever



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This is a story of a brown skinned devilishly good looking boy…born of great blue worker flock…the spades before him….with filthy marvelous genius of hands…able to finagle diesel burning 18-wheelers of brawn (pops) …giant winged beasts in airplane hangars(grand-pop-mom-side)… cars and lathes of steel(grand-pop-dad-side)*

...they threw grand celebrations…and drank golden necters…never spilling a drop..masters at billiards and talking with convincing silver tongues..they charmed anyone who approached them ...ladies men…leaders of men

these 3 figures in his life thru sperm in there johnsons passed on their golden awesome DNA…to this little spawn thru respective vaginas…and eventually they created this chosen son..this chosen son to carry on the name…to carry on the legacy!

And do you know what this young whipper snapper did with all these jewels bestowed upon him? Well he ended up being average in school…partying too much..getting fat…impregnating a girl and completely unable to do anything mechanical…ok he can change a tire……well…this little man didn’t give up….he saw commercials for a trade school…this commercial showed happy minorities all excited..cuz they got a new career…im like hey I can identify with those guys on tv..why don’t I call…well this man now…bounced around to jobs…slowly gathering momentum…he got back in shape…no longer resembling a spade silhouette body frame..he played bass in a band…getting groupies

……on down times during jobs…ok like half the time…he messed around on the internet like every other red-blooded American who works in an office…he came across a silly website with funny cartoons by a ducks fan and racist funny loud mouth asshole kings fan….this worker in the American ex machina of engineering started commenting as anonymous…that was the primitive lurker back in the days…u could talk shit and no one would know who u where or how long you’ve been on SB nation….it was a like sex without a rubber…soon he created a name…a name that will go down in imfamy..! SPADE-IN-VICTORHELL!..DUN DUN DA DUNNNNNNN!!!

.....he would go on to be known for his quick wits…sexy looks…womanizing…beer drinking…aloofness would fight the system..(Meg)…throw up at the Honda center..or was it the bar I don’t remember…and just be a presence

….but alas…he felt empty…he wasn’t happy at his job…he was broke…the ducks hadn’t won the cup since 07…hockey was in a lockout…he was living in the ghetto known as the High Desert….he was only getting head 4 times a week….his most beloved bloggers from BOC were leaving to go be communist or fluffers or something…with only his arch rival…the evil grammar nazi to run the beloved blog….but alas…a phone came on "lunes" Monday…at about 11:15 in the morning….the person on the other line said only 3 words "you got it"…what did he get?...he got a job he interviewed yet thought he never could/would get…a job in his dream place…a job in the city of sin…a job in Las Vegas!....you knew this man as Spade-in-Victorhell…you know shall know him as:

SPADE-IN-VEGASHEAVEN!**

Spade_in_vegas_heaven_1_medium

Thanks Sleek for the toon I love it

ya know vegas has bars everywhere..gambling..prostitution...

Spade in Vegas?....now what could go wrong?...what say u mr. Romney?

Romneylaugh_shannonstapleton_reuters_medium

Well Im pretty excited about my new oppurtinity...ill have internet now..and a comp..be following a long more...betting on games...living it up...make sure yall let me know when you visit..the first drink is on me...

GO END TO THE LOCKOUT!...GO DUCKS!...AND FUCK..GO ME FOR BEING AWESOME!

p.s. Ill still be down in Cali on most weekends...visiting family and stuff..so keep me in mind for possible hockey games this year if you need an adorable chaperone

*I don’t even know really what a lathe is..is it steel?

**that’s if SBN will ever to change it..and im open to other names

This FanPost was posted by a fan, and it probably sucks and is dumb.

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