For you kids that weren't born yet, the Kings were God's gift to humanity. But they became too powerful. Kind of like the Ark in Indiana Jones. The world just couldn't handle that sort of beauty. Fortunately, we all remember one thing that was awesome that shall never be forgotten: Pokemon. This is sure to be a great post. I can guarantee it. It combines three great things. The Kings, video games, and a safe bet to annoy the shit out of Jer. Bonus: It features my mad MS Paint skillz.

First up: Penner-Snorlax

Pretty obvious. Okay, this was basically all I had for this post. Did you know the SnorPens has to eat his body weight in pancakes before taking a pre-game nap? Or that his most common move is "Loaf around"? He is extremely useful when it counts with his powerful "Eat shit and die, Arizona" technique. True stuff. Up next: Really...shitty...things.

Lewis-Spearow

I don't know. I always sort of thought Trev looked like a bird. And Spearow had a funny little mohawk thing which later turns into a full blown punk style mohawk. So here I am with the Trevow. I guess Lewis can possibly turn into a decent third line, maybe second line guy in a pinch, with a full on mohawk. Okay, probably not. But I still want to see him with a real mohawk. Preferably while flapping his arms wildly and pecking people in the face. Shit. These suck. Moving on.

Scuderi-Kakuna

God, I'm sorry. I need to start watching KHL hockey more or something. Here we have the Scukuna, which came after a nightmare of reading Kafka. Master of defense and waiting for more defense. He takes a lot of abuse also, but somebody has to, and this guy is a trooper. (Place "Harden" innuendo joke here).

Greene-Exeggutor

Holy fuck. Call a priest.

Voynov-Abra

Ya know, I was gonna do more of these, but for everyone's benefit I think I am gonna stop. For now. This was just a lot of bad ideas, but what else is new here? And you all got to witness them. Hooray! Ah, what the hell, why not? One more for the road!

I should have stopped.