He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
It is with a heavy heart that I come to you all today with tragic, terrible news: BoC's own RudyKelly died last night. He was 46 years old. He was only one day away from retirement.
The official cause of death was semen poisoning.
The police were called late last night after neighbors complained of "even stranger noises than usual" coming from Rudy's house. Upon investigation, officers found Rudy deceased in his bathroom, sitting on the toilet with his pants around his ankles, covered in white fluid.
Apparently, Rudy died after trying a solo-sex act he read about on the Internet called a "Reverse Rod Stewart," which involves using a modified fire extinguisher and some plastic tubing to force several gallons of semen into your body at once.
Please, don't try the Reverse Rod Stewart at home. It is very dangerous. Rudy was a trained professional in the field, and it still proved to be too much for him to take.
It's so very very sad. He never even got to see the Kings raise the banner.
Please don't make any jokes about Rudy today in the comments. He wouldn't like that.
Rest in Peace, friend.
Oh and in case you were wondering where Rudy got enough semen to fill a fire extinguisher, well...let's just say not all of it was human.