Kings Gameday: Other Ways The Kings Can Help Themselves Win

by RudyKelly on Feb 3, 2012 10:30 AM PST

Next Game

Friday, Feb 3, 2012, 5:00 PM PST
Scottrade Center

Last game's clock controversy sure did get a lot of people talking, didn't it? Boy was that informative and in no way dumb. Anyway, it got me thinking: what are other ways the Kings can help themselves win games?

-Heat up Daryl Evans and throw him onto the ice so opposing players will trip over him

-Place a thin layer of plexiglass at the goal mouth behind Quick

-Post the opposing team's salaries in their locker room, thus igniting a class struggle and sowing dissension among their team

-~~Convince another team's fanbase that their best players aren't "real leaders," thus causing them to eventually force said best players out of town~~ Good job, guys!

-Back up the drainage in the visitor's locker room

-You know what, let's just smear shit everywhere

-Play the Black Eyed Peas during the game and hope that the other team is so embarrassed for the Kings that they just leave

-I don't see anywhere in the rule book where it says a robot can't play hockey

-Place the Castle Doors in front of the visitors' locker room, put a brick wall right behind it

-Can we hire actual knights? We should try that

-Use the Kiss Cam on 2 opposing players and watch it get real awkward when one player jokingly but not really says, "We should totally kiss just to show them up"

-Murder

-Give Bailey big tits, have him hang out behind the visitors' bench

-Play the Ducks

vs. St. Louis

vs. Carolina

(2 days off)

vs. Tampa Bay

(1 day off)

vs. Florida

(1 day off)

vs. Islanders

vs. Dallas

The Kings need 8 points on this road trip. Right now they're kind of on an island, separated from the #9 spot but still a few points behind the St. Louis/Nashville/Chicago grouping. Hopefully they can hop up into that group in the next little bit because those teams will kill each other down the stretch and the Kings could potentially sneak in and steal a higher draft position.

Prediction: Kings win, 3-2. Shenanigans are abundant.

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Comments

excellent.

Seriously, this clock thing isn’t unusual. Am I the only one that thinks Dean Lombardi is the guy probably closest to the truth?

by meetyourmako on Feb 3, 2012 10:43 AM PST reply actions

Am I the only one that thinks Dean Lombardi is the guy probably closest to the truth?

Dean, technically correct but extremely smug & assholish about it? I don’t believe it!

The West Coast is the Best Coast.

by RudyKelly on Feb 3, 2012 11:52 AM PST up reply actions

he really stepped out of character there.

by meetyourmako on Feb 3, 2012 1:08 PM PST up reply actions

x

Proud member of the "Bring Back Semenov" Club
"The only crying allowed in hockey is when you lose a playoff series, retire or JR is speaking publicly." - Jamie Baker
"You are down with the homies, my friend." - Randy Hahn
Kent Huskins cares.
"Don't fart on my chair mutha fuckah!" - Randy Hahn
"Pavs with great feed but what a release by Wingels Peanut Butter Baby!"" - Jamie Baker

by PNK on Feb 3, 2012 7:10 PM PST up reply actions

What I think is dumb is Colin Campbell and Gary Bettman (and most writers) giving interviews saying that it was an error and Columbus probably got screwed before finishing their investigation, because yeah, Lombardi’s explanation does make the most sense. I don’t think he just start talking about electrons and coloumbs on his own, it probably comes from the clock maker (my guess)

For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.

by Nut on Feb 3, 2012 12:17 PM PST up reply actions

I don’t think he just start talking about electrons and coloumbs on his own

I like to think Lombardi just knows this stuff. In my head, he’s like George when George stops having sex in that episode of Seinfeld.

The West Coast is the Best Coast.

by RudyKelly on Feb 3, 2012 12:24 PM PST up reply actions

Then for God’s sake, don’t hook him up with any Portuguese waitresses!

"What if I picked the wrong religion? All I'm doing is getting God madder and madder at me." — Homer Simpson

by KJKing on Feb 3, 2012 12:38 PM PST up reply actions

“Of course! Absolute zero!” is my 2nd favorite line from that series. #1 is, “Well I guess I just assumed!”

The West Coast is the Best Coast.

by RudyKelly on Feb 3, 2012 12:43 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs

Who doesn’t know this stuff? Your big echoey brain, apparently.

Dinglebarnin' It JftC

by Niesy on Feb 3, 2012 3:11 PM PST up reply actions

Umm, no.

Deadspin’s breakdown.

Picklesnakebit since 2011.
@shampeon

by ievans on Feb 3, 2012 4:41 PM PST up reply actions

You’re right, that’s definitive proof.

For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.

by Nut on Feb 3, 2012 5:19 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs

The point is that Lombardi’s explanation isn’t the “most likely” because it makes no sense.

Whatever. It’s not a conspiracy, but Lombardi shouldn’t be explaining particle physics, full stop.

Picklesnakebit since 2011.
@shampeon

by ievans on Feb 3, 2012 5:47 PM PST up reply actions

-I don’t see anywhere in the rule book where it says a robot can’t play hockey

Right here, rule 1.

Also 60 percent of our responding readers are not interested in watching robots play hockey because they’re fucking assholes.

"The beating hearts of other creatures are like needles in my brain. Only once I have silenced them all will I have peace." -Owen Nolan
Battle of California

by Megalodon on Feb 3, 2012 10:45 AM PST reply actions

If someone created a robot that played hockey, I think it’d be a lot better than Ryan fucking Clowe.

by ScottyKnows on Feb 3, 2012 12:14 PM PST reply actions

And all this time I thought Coulombs was a typo. I’m sure I’m the first person to notice the similarity.

If you imagine a salt shaker in your hand, tilt your head back
and act like you're shaking salt into your mouth; you will taste salt if you concentrate hard enough.

by brokenyard on Feb 3, 2012 1:23 PM PST reply actions