Sharks Gameday: Dispatches from the Twitter Wars

This is the hockey player version of trash-talking on twitter.


Next Game


Awesome gameday song NOT inspired by blues music: Icelandic Folk Music - Á Sprengisandi

One of the luxuries of writing for this weird redundant blog is that I don't have to worry too much about stats or serious journalism or any of that boring stuff. I can write about those things if I want to, of course, but I don't HAVE to, so I'm free to do stuff like this:

St. Louis, Missouri: Number 58 in population but number 1 in antisemitism.

Yes all day long on Thursday I (and also Rudy but who cares) was tweeting insults about St. Louis, mainly focused on their rabid antisemitism.

If you follow me on twitter you probably saw a bunch of these already, but I'm going to post them all here anyways because missing one of my jokes would be the greatest tragedy ever associated with the Jews.

The real reason John Ashcroft lost to that dead guy was because someone started a rumor that Ashcroft was Jewish.

Also fucking John Ashcroft was governor for eight years.

The famous Gateway Arch was originally intended to be part of the "N" in a giant "NO JEWS ALLOWED" but funding fell through.

The name "Missouri" comes from a Native American word meaning "Land of the Hitler Lovers."

The Gateway Arch looks like a monument somebody just started building and then made up as they went along.

Visit "beautiful" St. Louis

Murphybuilding06_medium

The official seal of the state of Missouri is Saint Louis cackling while he burns the Talmud.

The official seal of California is the adorable harbor seal.

St. Anger is a better saint than St. Louis.

In 1939 a ship carrying refugee German Jews was turned away from the U.S. That ship's name? The MS St. Louis.

Thanks to Rudy for alerting me regarding the MS St. Louis. That's fucking unbelievable.

So I don't know if they don't have computers in St. Louis so nobody saw my devastating burns or if all the people there are just so beaten down by life that they don't care, but nobody really took issue with anything I said all day...until I made a joke about the Mississippi:

The Mississippi river is gross.

This was the remark that finally inspired someone to rise to the defense of "Mound City" (the nickname stems from the city's love of chocolate bars with coconut in them but fierce hatred of almonds, the Jew of the nut world). St. Louis' lone champion was @CrossCheckRaise, a contributor to St. Louis Game Time and a passionate apologist for the Mississippi:

MEG: The Mississippi river is gross.

CCR: as opposed to SF Bay. There's gotta be at least 62% fewer carcinogens in the Mississippi.

MEG: Rivers are inherently grosser than bays. Bays get refreshed by the ocean.

CCR: when there's a Great Mississippi Garbage Patch, maybe I'll be convinced.

MEG: "Big Muddy"? Seriously? Gross. Why don't you just call it "The South's Toilet"?

CCR: Like a big collection plate, the Mississippi collects soil and deposits it in LA. See, we improve other states. CA notsomuch.

MEG: I guess you don't have computers or movies or fruit in St. Louis, huh?

CCR: nor rolling blackouts either. Movies? If you wanna brag about "Jack and Jill" ....um, OK....

MEG: Twitter is so amazing and great for trash-talking. Hey I wonder where Twitter's headquarters is...

CCR: you're right about Twitter. It was invented by . Guess where he's from?

MEG: Yeah and he was smart enough to MOVE.

So what did I learn? It's perfectly acceptable to say that people from St. Louis love Hitler, but God help you if you make fun of their beloved Mississippi.

Rudy and I discussed it and we believe the power rankings for bodies of water should look like this:

Oceans > Bays > Estuaries/Deltas > Swamps > Rivers > Lakes

Also seas don't count as distinct bodies of water. If they're land-locked they're just big lakes. If they connect to the ocean (like the Mediterranean) then really they're just part of the ocean or a bay or something.

Rivers: barely better than lakes.

In conclusion, fuck the Mississippi.

Prediction: The Sharks win 5-2. They cheat some more but I don't give the tiniest shit about it.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Battle of California

You must be a member of Battle of California to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Battle of California. You should read them.

Join Battle of California

You must be a member of Battle of California to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Battle of California. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9355_tracker