Fixing Cosmo's "NHL's Hottest Dudes" List

If there's one thing I know, it's dogs. If there's two things I know, it's dogs and hot dudes. If there are three things I know, it's dogs, hot dudes and hockey. (Yep, hockey is only my 3rd biggest area of expertise. If you want to bask in my brilliance in other areas, you can check out my other two blogs: Battle of Dogifornia and MeatTrain.com.) As a purveyor of hot dudes and a hot dude myself, I feel like I have a pretty good handle on what makes a man attractive. If you're questioning my credentials, go ahead and raise your hand if you were named your city's cutest baby by the local newspaper. Go on, raise your hand. I'll wait.

*Ahem*

Now, with that in mind, I can not tell you how dismayed I was by the recent list published by the "Female" magazine, Cosmopolitan. Their list of the "Hottest Guys Of The NHL" (of?) is ludicrous, scandalous, outrageous. 10/1 it was made by an ugly woman or a Canadian. I, for one, won't stand for this! I and my brother, a fellow hot dude you know as Nut, set about to rectify Cosmo's terrible list. Read on and be prepared to get the vapors!

(Click the names for visual evidence)


Pacific

Anaheim Ducks

They picked... Bobby Ryan

We picked... Teemu Selanne

Dallas Stars

They picked... Brenden Morrow

We picked... Loui Eriksson

Los Angeles Kings

They picked... Dustin Brown

We picked... Davis Drewiske

Phoenix Coyotes

They picked... Shane Doan

We picked... Chris Summers

San Jose Sharks

They picked... Antti Niemi

We picked... Dan Boyle

Cosmo hockey tagline- I'd let him board me from behind!

Central

Chicago Blackhawks

They picked... Patrick Sharp

We picked... Jamal Mayers

Columbus Blue Jackets

They picked... Rick Nash

We picked... John Moore

Detroit Red Wings

They picked... Nicklas Lidstrom

We picked... Darren Helm

Nashville Predators

They picked... Mike Fisher

We picked... Mike Fisher

St. Louis Blues

They picked... T.J. Oshie

We picked... Brian Elliott

Cosmo hockey tagline- I hope that's not a COMPOSITE STICK!

(...what?)

Northwest

Calgary Flames

They picked... Mike Cammalleri

We picked... Mikael Backlund

Colorado Avalanche

They picked... Matt Duchene

We picked... Gabriel Landeskog

Edmonton Oilers

They picked... Ales Hemsky

We picked... No one

Minnesota Wild

They picked... Mikko Koivu

We picked... Mikko Koivu

Vancouver Canucks

They picked...Ryan Kesler

We picked... Keith Ballard

Cosmo hockey tagline- I'd let him spend a MAJOR in my box!

Atlantic

New Jersey Devils

They picked... Zach Parise

We picked... Zach Parise

New York Islanders

They picked... John Tavares

We picked... Jay Pandolfo

New York Rangers

They picked... Henrik Lundqvist

We picked... Henrik Lundqvist

Philadelphia Flyers

They picked... Wayne Simmonds

We picked... Andreas Lilja

Pittsburgh Penguins

They picked... Sidney Crosby

We picked... Richard Park

Cosmo hockey tagline- He can SHOOT all over me anytime!


Northeast

Boston Bruins

They picked... Milan Lucic

We picked... Gregory Campbell

Buffalo Sabres

They picked... Jason Pominville

We picked... Brayden McNabb

Montreal Canadiens

They picked... Max Pacioretty

We picked... Brad Staubitz

Ottawa Senators

They picked... Erik Karlsson

We picked... Alexandre Daigle

Toronto Maple Leafs

They picked... Mikhail Grabovksi

We picked... Tyler Bozak

Cosmo hockey tagline- I'd let him POWER PLAY with my boobs!

Southeast

Carolina Hurricanes

They picked... Cam Ward

We picked... Jeff Skinner

Florida Panthers

They picked... Kris Versteeg

We picked... Jose Theodore

Tampa Bay Lightning

They picked... Martin St. Louis

We picked... Steve Yzerman

Washington Capitals

They picked... Mike Green

We picked.... Roman Hamrlik

Winnipeg Jets

They picked... Andrew Ladd

We picked... Grant Clitsome

Cosmo hockey tagline- I'd suck HIS cock!

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