Battle of Arizona

Would you believe this was the closest thing I could find for "Raising Arizona"? - Cage is my homie

Well done, INS

Well, in leg one I wind up in Arizona. They were first on the slate to not impress me. And they did not not disappoint. In about hour three of this 30+ hour car ride to Kentucky, the girl that is dumb enough to date me has put on country song number 4000. Henceforth, she will be referred to as T-Swizzle. As you can imagine, this was going to be a very, very long trip. Since T-Swizzle listens to country music, therefore she is also a racist. This came to a boiling point as a black woman from Indiana kept cutting T-Swizzle off whom she then called "In Diana's Asshole" and "Diarrhea that won't go away". See?

Anyways, Arizona is boring as fuck. I don't see how the Coyotes have struggles with attendance. There is absolutely nothing to do in the state. Actually, there is dirt. Then dirt and trees. Then dirt and snow. Lastly, there is more dirt. About six hours worth or so. I guess if you are into various types of settings for dirt then Arizona is the place for you. Plus, did you know Arizona gets an abnormal amount of snow for place that gets hotter than a homeless guy's butt crack in Barstow? I do now, and surprisingly snow sucks even more there than it did in New York for my three years I spent there. Arizona license plates also look like the old Coyotes' jerseys, and there are weird points where you can't change lanes and I always got stuck behind trucks from Walmart.

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Drivers: They are bad, but they were the tip of the iceberg. They rarely use their turn signals, and change speeds radically for no apparent reasons. You know. Typical Arizona dickish behavior.

Rest Stops: Not bad shape. Plus there were a lot of them. Probably because people only have the desire to take massive poops when they are in the state.

Burritos: As the lead-in block of larger italicized text mentions, INS has done tremendous work in Arizona. Not only was there absolutely no Mexicans, but there was not one burrito to be found off the 40. They even chased the food out of the state. In short, fuck you Jan Brewer. You fucked up the blog.

OVERALL GRADE: D-

The one redeeming quality was that Arizona was close to California and I don't think I got herpes from the toilet I used in Flagstaff.

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