Los Angeles Kings Gameday: A Warning

Nashville, literally floored by Jeff Carter's ass - Harry How

A completely hockey related post. And no cocks this time. I promise.

For those of you that follow me on twitter (and for those of you that don't, what the hell?) you know I tweet. A lot. The vast majority of it is Kings related with a smattering of substance abuse, debauchery, ancient Greek literature, and dicks. There's also some Dodgers related stuff because when the Kings aren't playing during the summer, the Dodgers are. Occasionally they and the Kings are on at the same time. It's all very complicated, and I won't bore you with the details.

Anyways, today's opponent for the Kings is the Nashville Predators. Obviously, St. Louis has the Blues (ha ha and never mind that's not funny), but they are a lost cause of a city. Don't believe me? Just you wait. So this is a service for the city of Nashville. I've been there a few times now, and it's truthfully not that bad of a place. They got a ton of rock bands that come out of there, not just country, and a shitload of bars (which is always a plus in my book). It's not cold as fuck like Chicago, disgusting like Florida, completely rednecky like the rest of the south, and it isn't Texas. I'd probably live there if there was a hell where California didn't exist, and where I didn't want to deal with the nine months of cock-snapping cold of the northeast. But St. Louis fits that profile also. But it's far, far worse. The crack. The anti-Semitic culture. Maxim Lapierre. Nashville needs to do everything it can to prevent turning into St. Louis v2.0. For example...

I'm not sure if "aid money" was a shot at Magic Johnson, who actually has HIV not AIDS if you want to get technical, but anyways-

Okay, so yeah it was a shot at Magic Johnson. Haha! What a loser! Have fun with your fatal autoimmunity disease!

Who the fuck still uses the term "spook" anymore? What is this? Django Unchained?

Much better.

Hm. "a mans home run trot". Very interesting to say something is a masculine "trot". Dancing like an AIDS infested queer however is ironically labeled the "Man's Trot".

Homophobic and racist. I'm serious Nashville, this is your future if you're not careful.

Got me there.

Actually, the fact they would all have to cross the border illegally is a really damn bit of impressive dedication to a team.

Look at this jerk. Wait, this is off topic.

Okay, now this guy wound up being a favorite. Mostly because he started talking with me. Well, that and this.

I had to do some research on "Los Angelses" and there was some picture of a hut in Costa Rica. I am very impressed that they were able to get their own sports franchise however, and it's good to see that Gary had some eclectic tastes. You know, to go with his racism.

The main purpose of all this is to be a cautionary tale. Nashville, you guys act like assholes enough at games. You fight in the stands and threaten people on a regular basis. You're regionally stereotyped as racist, homophobic bison fuckers. You have a stupid, smelly river. Don't go the extra mile. Resist crack-cocaine as best you can. Don't be a St. Louis.

As for the Kings, well they looked like steaming pile of turds last game. Drew Doughty and Robyn Regehr continue to have communication issues, and Jonathan Quick was pulled for the second time already. I would hardly say it was entirely his fault, what with stopping two early breakaways by Martin St. Louis (the good one) and Steven Stamkos, and while he could improve the guys in front of him need to back him up. So they wind up playing Nashville who they always look like garbage against. Hooray! What could go wrong?



Ha. Just kidding about the no cock thing. Dick towel! Oh, also Kings lose 3-1. Ben Scrivens gets the surprise start.

More from Battle of Cockifornia:

Ducks Gameday: The Cocks We Could Have Seen
Los Angeles Kings Gameday: Don't Get Cocky
Sharks Gameday: Super Monkey Ball
Joe Thornton's Cock
The 5 Funniest Hockey Tweets of the Week: Cock Edition

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