Los Angeles Kings Gameday: All About Makin' That GTA

Don't quote me boy, cause I ain't said shit - Eazy-E/Robert-JftC

Encroaching on Toronto

With the GTA Centre in Markham, Ontario, GTA Sports & Entertainment (GTASE) is developing the premier multi-purpose, NHL-size arena in Canada.

Yep, there is a awesome new arena coming to the Toronto metro area. While I am fairly disappointed it isn't going to be called the Markham Asylum (TM), the current name is pretty damn great. The GTA Centre! With that being said, I can only assume it stands for "Grand Theft Auto" because that's all that comes to my mind immediately. Looking into the statistics, the reported cases of stolen cars in the greater Toronto area (hey, that's a "GTA", too. Weird) is a pretty modest 2,600 incidents or so on the year currently. Losers. East Los Angeles has that many in a month. Step it up Toronto, especially if you feel like slapping "GTA" on an arena.

Perhaps it's named after the popular "Grand Theft Auto" video game series. Toronto is becoming more like an over the top drug riddled, ridiculous criminal behavior environment lately. Well, their mayor at least. I hope he never leaves.



God bless us, everyone.

Anyways, we all know another team is probably going to Toronto now. I mean, it's clear the Maple Leafs are only causing Ontario mass anxiety and depression, so another team would take some pressure off of them and distract the locals away from their current trashcan fire of a team. The NHL may have said they don't have current plans for anyone moving, let alone specific ideas for a second team relocating near Toronto, though we know that's a crock of shit. It's an NHL sized arena! In Canada! They just don't build crap like this for the hell of it! Well, except for the Olympics, but that's a different can of worms. Anywho, let's review the candidates:

Phoenix Coyotes

Why it makes sense: They won't be in Phoenix for another five years the rate they are going. It's just a matter of where are they moving to. They also have a pretty good core of talented guys, and Canadian fan-bases have been prone to love douchey, whiny floppers. It's a perfect match!

Why it won't happen: The team will have no idea what to do playing in front of people who actually want them to win. Plus it's really cold in Canada, so the players may freeze after being used to all that hot weather in Arizona.

Florida Panthers

Why it makes sense: Another team with a fledgling fan-base that will likely get moved in the future. They also blow gnomes, so they won't get hopes up in Toronto unlike how the Leafs build up their fans and then emotionally crush them. The Panthers do have a more recent Cup Finals trip however, which would be something nice to reminisce about for those in Toronto that weren't alive in 1967.

Why it won't happen: Same as the Coyotes pretty much.

Nashville Predators

Why it makes sense: Nashville has been a bit of a roller-coaster in terms of attendance, and I see them as the dark horse in this. They fit the bill for this however because they only know how to play defense. The Leafs can only play offense. It will be a yin and yang scenario for Toronto as the fans tear their hair out in frustration because neither team can put it all together.

Why it won't happen: Watching the Predators play hockey really makes one hate the sport because they make it boring as fuck. Disdain for hockey would be pandemic throughout the region and both the Leafs' and Predators' attendance would plummet. The Raptors would probably sell out every game though.

Anaheim Ducks

Why it makes sense: When the ice in Anaheim is discovered to be Styrofoam, along with the plans to put in another Wild Wing statue, the Honda Pond is demolished. The funding to rebuild it never comes through as Orange County denizens decide to expand the 5 freeway by another 17 lanes instead. The Ducks go to Toronto because the Sharks and Kings have had enough of their bullshit.

Why it won't happen: Toronto would hate themselves too much supporting a flatulent beaver humper like Corey Perry and finally all kill themselves.

Toronto Maple Leafs

Why it makes sense: The fans in Toronto will grow so fed up with their team they will boot the Leafs out of their current digs, and move them a few miles up the road. Sort of like in that episode of The Simpsons when they trash the original Springfield.

Why it won't happen: It probably will.

Last game?


Yeah, it went pretty well. The Maple Leafs meanwhile are not a good fancy stat team and have REGRESSED. But they are still getting by. Mostly because they play in the east. Well, that and their great goaltending. James Reimer has been having a good year, but Jonathan Bernier has been a machine. You're welcome, Leafs. So the showdown will likely be Ben Scrivens versus Bernier in the "Backup Beat-down of Toronto 2013" (TM).

Prediction: It's a former King, so Bernier gets the shutout. Sad sad sad :(

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