Los Angeles Kings Gameday: Imports

Now introducing the fold-up "Bɜːɡlənd" for only $499.99 - Jean-Yves Ahern-USA TODAY Sports

St. Louis has had a great "IKEA"! ... ... [Giant hook pulls me off stage]

    While it has been no secret that St. Louis's main exports and sources of entertainment are crack-cocaine and murder, they finally brought in something to make their lives easier. No, it wasn't a deed to a new house in a livable metro area, it was the Swedish super furniture store, IKEA. All this time in St. "Stanky River" Louis they had been without affordable, weird furniture with unpronounceable names. Technically, IKEA hasn't opened up shop yet in the city of antisemitism, but it's been announced. It is also a tad strange that a giant chain like IKEA would avoid St. Louis for all this time. Especially since they have locations worldwide, including Iceland, Turkey, Lithuania, Egypt, Israel, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Malaysia, Thailand, Taiwan, and the Dominican Republic. Not to mention the plethora of IKEA stores all over the United States. Just not St. Louis. But wait, there's more! Here was the actual local story quoting the impact of IKEA opening up in St. Louis.

      Ihnen said the presence of IKEA will undoubtedly cause more chain stores, like Home Depot and Target, to consider opening within the city limits.

      No Targets or Home Depots?! Where do people in St. Louis buy things? Where do day laborers in St. Louis go? Is there anything to actually buy in St. Louis besides drugs and firearms? As for IKEA, they have not commented on the whole thing. Probably because they don't want the negative press coming in that they are setting up in "Capitol Crack". The Blues should be pretty happy with this though. They have themselves a few Swedish imports already in Patrik Berglund and Magnus-Ramos Karl Urban Little House on the Pääjärvi-Svensson. But this is a whole new marketing opportunity to take advantage of. Half of their roster is already in IKEA catalogs.

      VLADIMIR TÄRNAN-"SINK"O
      Tarnan-single-lever-kitchen-faucet__81994_pe207270_s4_jpg_medium

      A young up and coming faucet that is a natural goal scorer! Only $79.99

      JORDAN LEO-PELLO CHAIR

      Pello-chair__38296_pe130209_s4_medium

      For $49.99, a very sturdy and natural stay at home chair. Also great for a sore "Backes". Hahahahaha, please put the gun down.

      JAY BYHOLM-EESTER

      Byholma-chair__0153946_pe312353_s4_jpg_medium

      $89.99?! This chair is gangly, ugly, and also a rather expensive for something that really isn't that great.

      KEVIN SHATTEN-KLABB

      Klabb-table-lamp__0138840_pe298654_s4_jpg_medium

      Who fucking wants a pink lamp?

      ALEX PIE-TORNA-GELO

      Torna-pendant-lamp__0118353_pe273967_s4_jpg_medium

      Bring the shit of St. Louis inside with you with what looks like a hanging trashcan. Also substitutes as a noose! Only $69.99.

      CARLO COLAINTHEBOX

      Hockeyfacesmack_medium

      Surprise!

      DAVID BA-KOCK

      This_is_a_giant_cock_medium

      Were you expecting something else?




      I am not going to talk about that last game. But seriously Voynov, your stick could wait one fucking second to make sure you have cleared your own zone. God damn. Also, Scrivens, learn to skate. I know you're a goalie but c'mon.

      Prediction: Kings lose a billion to one after a series of banana peels wind up on the ice around Ben Scrivens.



      X
      Log In Sign Up

      forgot?
      Log In Sign Up

      Forgot password?

      We'll email you a reset link.

      If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

      Forgot password?

      Try another email?

      Almost done,

      Join Battle of California

      You must be a member of Battle of California to participate.

      We have our own Community Guidelines at Battle of California. You should read them.

      Join Battle of California

      You must be a member of Battle of California to participate.

      We have our own Community Guidelines at Battle of California. You should read them.

      Spinner

      Authenticating

      Great!

      Choose an available username to complete sign up.

      In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

      tracking_pixel_9355_tracker