You may have noticed my associate, Mr. Megalodon Q. Pennyfeathers is unhappy with a certain player of the Los Angeles Kings. Understandably so, seeing how in the Kings and Sharks most recent tilt that Dustin Brown was viciously attacked by rookie disrespectful whelp, Tomas Hertl. Hertl is seen through out the league as a real menace and pest for San Jose, and it wasn't shocking to see him take a run at the Los Angeles captain. This is the same guy that ended a player's career, after all.
Brown nearly avoided a catastrophic hit, but was still clipped as Hertl stuck his leg out in a last ditch effort. It was truly the poorest display of sportsmanship I have ever witnessed. Brown was forced to miss the rest of the game as the training staff evaluated his injury. Hertl was given a game misconduct. Fortunately, Brown seems okay and will rejoin the team this coming Saturday against the Avalanche. Rumor from the Sharks' management is that Hertl may be dismissed from the team temporarily until he gets his act together. Sources on twitter have heard from a anonymous executive with San Jose that Hertl is likely to be absent for a month, possibly more, until the Sharks brass is convinced he has changed his antics.
This is nothing new to San Jose as they already have had one player recently removed indefinitely, out for some "soul searching". Raffi Torres is still reportedly not anywhere close to being "mature enough for the rigors of the NHL," as Sharks' coach Todd McLellan put it.
Brown, who has a history of being targeted by players due to his Sainthood that many rivals in the league are envious of, took the incident in stride. He already has high hopes for his next game to discuss with the Avalanche's netminder, Semyon Varlamov, about his recent run in with the law, and to hash out the issues Varlamov has had with his girlfriend. "With any luck, I can patch things up with Semyon and Evgenia, and maybe get him in touch with his estranged uncle again," Brown said to reporters Friday morning as he washed the feet of the homeless at a local church. He then passed out food to hungry children who had gathered to see his holiness.
In unrelated news, Daniel Carcillo will be unable to attend Saturday's game since he will be in Stockholm receiving the Noble Peace Prize.
Prediction: Dustin Brown adopts orphans from a war-torn nation in Africa. He cares for them and sends them to prestigious colleges, giving them a future they never dreamed possible. All go on to be very successful, and love Dustin Brown very much. Then they go to Tomas Hertl's house one night, sneak in, and saw all of his limbs off.