Jonathan Toews, why can't I quit you? - Jonathan Daniel
A quick rundown of the day's activities.
This is a special day. As in NBC expects hockey fans to tune in loyally for a whopping two (TWO!) games on NBC and another on NBC Sports or Versus or Outdoor Network or Whitey Programming. I guess that is a big deal, except up north where every Saturday is Hockey Night in Canada. Here's some fun activities for today:
- Get drunk. Obviously.
- Punch someone. This should come about naturally after a bit of the aforementioned drinking.
- Yell at your TV for Mike Milbury/Jeremy Roenick to shut the fuck up.
- Complain that your hockey team isn't playing on Hockey Day in America.
- Complain that your hockey team is playing on Hockey Day in America and is receiving shitty coverage from NBC.
- Remember how awful FOX was with their coverage.
- Curse Gary Bettman's existence.
- Read Battle of California.
- Tell Dunn that he fucking sucks.
- Try and draw up plays but have them all wind up looking like penises.
- Buy some avocados. Because, like, avocados are delicious and nutritious, man. If we all, like, lived off avocados there wouldn't be wars and stuff.
- Clean out your bong.
- Be called a racist for watching hockey and not the NBA All-Star game.
- Bleach and wash your hood.
- Play Ingress.
- Throw and break phone after getting confused with what the hell Ingress is.
- Look up old former teammates from hockey on Facebook.
- Get bored with teammates and find photos of female friends from high school to fondle yourself to.
- Wonder whatever happened to Clive Owen.
- Play Mario Kart.