FanPost

Week 5: El burrito de la victoria

Another week goes by, and the Sharks continue Lohaning it up. Douglas Murray and Michal Handzus continue to get put in the lineup and given significant minutes despite getting consistently destroyed in their matchups, and nobody besides Patrick Marleau wants to score a damn goal. Clowe continues his impressive bench play. I think he needs a promotion to full-time bench player, or a sharp slap of the head with a giant Atlantic cod, the traditional Newfie method of dealing with a shithead that can't score goals and takes bad penalties.

I'm not a Buddhist, but these last couple years feel like some Buddhist fable come to life: desire is suffering, ambition will never be satisfied, and shitty team's fans will constantly laugh at you. I'm pretty sure that's Buddhism in a nutshell.

Nirvana: the highest rated comment

Some asshole wrote this:

FEMA has issued a mandatory evacuation order to coastal areas of southern New Jersey and Delaware as Hurricane The Motherfucker intensified offshore, the second recent evacuation order for these communities. Five years ago, the remnants of Tropical Storm Mumbling Drifter With A Rusty Knife caused widespread flooding and $700 million in damage. Marco Tanhair of Stone Harbor packed a few boxes of valuables into his gold Acura as light rain started falling. "I’m going to stay with my sister in Philly. I just hope The Motherfucker doesn’t destroy this place."

Some residents have been ignoring the evacuation order even as The Motherfucker was upgraded to a Category 4 storm by the National Weather Service. Donald Dingleberg of Ocean City said he has no plans to leave as he put crosses of Scotch tape on his windows. "Everyone is freaking out about this Motherfucker, but I was here for Mumbling Drifter, and I was in Hurricane Nutpunch, too. It’s all just hype. Let’s see what you got, Motherfucker."

Since I'm a Buddhist master now, I neither desire this burrito, nor do I not desire it.

Karma: the best of the rest

Mako went end-to-end for this marvelous butt sex triple pun:

Sheer Colon is my band. I just couldn’t resist plugging it! *rimshot

Not content with just anal sex, though, Mako got sacrilegious and reminded us of the filthy, filthy sex-acts that are all that's left of Ohio's rust belt by welcoming commenter JesusInThePit with :

Your name sounds like you’re giving Jesus Christ a Columbus rowboat.

Meg responds to a Rush fan rage-quitting BoC (see below):

I was fine when you guys were just making jokes about rape, but then you had to take it too far and mock Rush!

Dukkha: the worst comment

Mappers, we hardly knew ya. Mappers recently joined the BoC, but had enough after a month or so because Dunn made fun of Canadian space metal wankers, Rush.

Rush Fan
Not sure why you think you had to talk shit about Rush. I’ve removed this site from my Kings feed. However, because you’re apparently a Kings fan, I will not proceed to call you a bunch of terrible names.

I like that he let us know right out of the gate what we were in for by helpfully putting "Rush Fan" as the subject line. And his mercy and benevolence shone through as we were spared a vicious verbal assault. Whew! He can groom his ponytail and bore people with discussions about complex time signatures in Arizona for a while.

This FanPost was posted by a fan, and it probably sucks and is dumb.

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