Spade mid-season patos grades UPDATED! now with a poll and Cogs!

I am spade...I am anti-stats...anti-corsi..anti PDO..D-O-double G...anti fenwick starwick candlewick...Im too busy getting laid getting drunk...going to court...recovering from hang overs to get too much into stats...I use my eyeballs without DVR DVD's Deeznuts...I am the yang to the stat nerds im not alone...if kid ish is anything besides young and ignorant on music..hes on my side on this at least...and I welcome anyone else to my army...Ill now have 2 is alive and combats the evil grammar/spelling nazi army led by surpreme Czar bolshevik Megladon Q. Pennyfeathers.....we shall now gather a second army to conquer the stat freakazoids

enough bullshit here's my eyeball...testicle mid season grades:

cuz im a minority and urban i gonna use that dictionary to describe how all the ducks have performed and give them a letter..i will not be looking up stats..cuz the anti-stats army dont play that homie....and cuz alot of white people read this ill give the definition..(towards the end i just mailed it in)

Matt Beleskey

aight - saying alright but in a hip and ghetto way

ups and downs..but he can play with the twins for the most part...he just cant win fights ..scored some important goals

grade: C+

Nick Bonino

Sweet apple - A shaved vagina

He's just been rock solid and a sweet apple..we missed him in the St. Louis game on the PP especially. Everyone likes a shaved vagina and most ducks fans have been pleasantly surprised with nick bonino.

grade: B+

Emerson Etem

Tweak - Verb. A side effect of extreme over indulgence in crystal meth or crack cocaine.

I mean seriously...hes gotta be on something..ball of energy who creates all kind of havoc...falls all over the place...yet backchecks and makes smarts decisions..hes still a year or two away from being a more constant contributor..needs to harness that raw energy and focus....gotta love his potential

grade: C

Ryan Getzlaf

Sick - crazy, cool, insane

Well let Gunnery Sergeant Hartman take this one: Private Getzlaf, you are definitely born again hard! Hell, I may even allow you to serve as a rifleman in my beloved Corps.

grade: A+

Peter Holland

Dicktease - A chick who doesn't give it up

This dude tears it up in the minors and plays sub par when he gets his defense he isnt given much time...but has gotten a couple shots on the 2nd line has been underwhelming..

grade: D-/incomplete

Saku Koivu

relicious - When you burp after eating an awesome meal and it tastes good on the way back up.

Solid solid solid...sign next year too please!

grade: B

Patrick Maroon

Rouge Tractor - It is a wild tractor that plows down any skyscrapers in the world by running them over with their massive tires.

The jury is still out but he plays with an edge and can make a play or two..I like him good bottom six guy

grade: C/incomplete

Brandon McMillan

young-asda - just your average boy. loves to stalk bubbly welsh girls. loves rubbing rosary beads and driving to asda. occasionally looks dashing.. also known as spud. loves to ride it bareback.

The jury is still out but he plays with an edge and can make a play or two..I like him good bottom six guy

grade: C/incomplete

Kyle Palmieri

Up and coming - duh

Before getting torre-ezed palmieri was coming into his own...cant complain about his play

grade: B-

Corey Perry

Douchebag - someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached fucker or motherfucker.

Could I describe him any other way?...he's ramping up getting back to his old self..just a little unlucky..king of the crossbar shots...if its your last year with us Perry make it count!

grade: B+

Bobby Ryan

Lego hair - a particularly shitty male haircut in which the sides cover the ears and the hair appears to be "snap on".

I don't know if he really has leggo hair just wanted to use it...hes been pretty good id say

grade: B+

Teemu Selanne

Younes - A beautiful, hot, funny, and intelligent male who loves to drive good cars. Has beautiful eyes and amazing jawbones. Considered to be the perfect husband/boyfriend by girls. Many girls fantasize about Younes and wish they would marry him.

Has slowed down some..but hey its teemu back the fuck off

grade: B

Brad Staubitz

Rough Barn - Something that tends to be annoying or infuriating.

Earl is the only duck fan to defend this guy..why we don't know..waste of a roster space

grade: F

Daniel Winnik

Bro - Obnoxious partying males who are often seen at college parties. When they aren't making an ass of themselves they usually just stand around holding a red plastic cup waiting for something exciting to happen so they can scream something that demonstrates how much they enjoy partying. Nearly everyone in a fraternity is a bro but there are also many bros who are not in a fraternity. They often wear a rugby shirt and a baseball cap. It is not uncommon for them to have spiked hair with frosted tips.
Bros actually chose this name for themselves as they often refer to each other as "bro" even though they are not related.

He's been a pleasant surprise..with the sharks playing brett burns at forward you have to think the sharks miss him..

grade: B

Bryan Allen

Red-headed step child - With red hair being rare, a child born to non red headed parents was often assumed to be the child of an affair. Thus was treated badly, usually in the form of beatings.

Verbally abused by some ducks fans...he's turned it around....and stop taking dumb penalties

grade: C

Francois Beauchemin

bad mamma jamma- A large man capable of whooping your ass easily.

Back to being awesome again 07' style...Bruce on Frankie: Specifically, he's not throwing pucks up the middle and making mistakes. He's managing his ice time better. He's being a real leader. He's 32 years old and coming into his own at this age. Defense-men take longer to develop, and now that we're counting on him, he's come to the forefront and responded.

grade: A

Cam Fowler

Rudy Kelly villan - a person rudy kelly is obsessed with on twitter cuz he hasn't developed as quickly as drew doughty

Yea rudy we get it...fowler isnt drew doughty dickhead..but he's improving and still fuck off

grade: C-

Ben Lovejoy

Decent - Decent

Hes as advertised a bottom pairing dude..youd never want him in your top 4...makes a bonehead play or two...but is decent

grade: C-

Toni Lydman

solid - you can see im getting bored with this

solid and old and out of here next year...still we love you toni

grade: C

Luca Sbisa

Jekell and Hyde - two faced mutha trukka

Id say he's more streaky than anything...he seems to streak longer as good sbisa than bad sbisa

grade: C+

Sheldon Souray

Manwhore - The male equivalent of a slut.

I can now say I told you so to all the naysayers that he was a good risk to take.....with his looks he has to be a manwhore..he's been cockhard solid..

grade: A-

Viktor Fasth

Look at this guy -

Pleasant Pleasant surprise....lets hope he can keep it going

grade: A

Jonas Hiller

Redheaded step child #2 - see above

People keep writing his obituary but hes go Jonas

grade: B

Andrew Cogilano

Meat Curtains - The long, overly stretched out lips of a p****, sometimes resembling philly cheese steak. Also known as: elephant ears, clappers, mud flaps, pounded cube steak, cube steak patties, dangly gizzard, and last (but not least), the giblet pouch. ED NOTE: they forgot Arby's sandwhich

one of my favorite terms...have you seen cogs lips? anyways...he's been pretty awesome this year..cant believe i forgot him...2nd on the team in goals i think and oh the PK...he could have been red headed step child #3 but not this year...take a bow meat curtains!


grade: A-

This FanPost was posted by a fan, and it probably sucks and is dumb.

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