Los Angeles Kings Gameday: Some Wonderful People

Only in Arizona can they support such a lovable piece of shit - Christian Petersen

Educate yourself.

We have all been over this numerous times. How wonderful the state of Arizona is. How respected the Phoenix Coyotes are. You know, that shit. But were you aware of how many great and wonderful people come from Arizona? Here's a quick list (without getting into all their athletes, and incredible politicians):

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Emma Stone

What you know her from: The new Spider-Man movie and Super Bad. And about half a million other movies between 2006 and 2012.

Now? She moved to southern California. Then to New York. She's okay.

Alice Cooper

What you know him from: A cameo in Wayne's World. Rocking the fuck out and saying how school is out for summer, forever, and has been blown to pieces.

Now? He's a Coyotes fan. And likes George Bush. I feel a little sick

Ted Danson

Ted_danson_2011_mspac_mediumWhat you know him from: Cheers, Becker, Curb Your Enthusiasm, CSI, Bored to Death, Reno 911, The Sopranos, Dexter, Adventure Time, the host of Jeopardy, CSI: Miami, Law and Order, Battlestar Galactica, American Idol judge, CSI: New York, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The Colbert Report, Full House, every show on Univision, Little House on the Prarie, Duck Dynasty, MythBusters, 24, Lost, The Office, BET's Weekly Countdown, MXC, and Saving Private Ryan. He also cheated on his wife with Whoopi Goldberg. Yeah, that Whoopi Goldberg.

Now? He lives in San Diego and is a big pussy environmentalist.

Frank Lloyd Wright

What you know him from: Being the greatest American architect ever (aka, the only architect you probably ever heard of).

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He also lived in an IHOP.

Now? He died during a surgery in Phoenix. His grave in Wisconsin was emptied so that he could be cremated and brought to Arizona. Way to go, assholes.

Bil Keane

What you know him from: Family Circus. You know, the really unfunny single panel comic in the newspaper. He really was a nice guy according to everybody ever.

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"Shut the hell up, and eat the damn food"

Now? Dead. His son runs Family Circus and is president of cartoonists. Earl 2016!

Geronimo

What you know him from: History class. A Native American who fought Mexico and America.

Now? Dead, after being caught by the United States military and forced to tour the country as an old side show gimmick for carnivals. U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!

Gail Edwards

What you know her from: Full House.

Now? Not an Olsen twin. Not Bob Saget. Not John Stamos. Who cares?

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Danica Patrick

What you know her from: Driving cars fast, losing, and coming so very close to being naked in those GoDaddy.com commercials.

Now? Still not naked. Won't return my requests to play Mario Kart.


Earl Hindman

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What you know him from: Half of a face in Home Improvement. Leading spokesperson for finding a cure for people with fences for bodies.

Now? Dead. No punchline. He's just dead. Sorry.


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David Spade

What you know him from: Saturday Night Live, and nothing ever worth watching. Except The Emperor's New Groove. That was alright.

Now? Spade got a Playboy Playmate knocked up, bringing up the question of, "How the fuck did he manage to pull that off?" He also gave $100,000 to Phoenix police. To buy semi-automatic rifles. Because handguns just aren't as effective anymore.

Joe Jonas

What you know him from: He's the lead singer of the Jonas Brothers. Did you know while Joe was born in Arizona, his younger brother was born in New Jersey, and his older brother in Texas? As if you needed to hate these guys more.

Now? Do you seriously want to know more about this guy?

Phil Mickelson

What you know him from: Golf.

Now? Complaining that California taxes are too expensive for him and his $180 million net worth. It should be noted though that he did spend quite a bit of his younger life in California, lives in California currently, and was born in San Diego. However, Wikipedia has him under the list of famous Arizona people. Arizona is trying to steal our rich douche bags!


Stephanie Meyer

Stephenie_meyer_3_2c_2012_medium

What you know her from: The Twilight books.

Now? Stephen King said she, "Can't write worth a damn". Feminists hate her. She's filthy rich. I think she's okay with this. The accompanying photo is also very flattering.

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Don Imus

What you know him from: Born in the 909, raised in Arizona, Don Imus went on to be a radio host. He started off as a comedic personality and realized he wasn't funny. He turned to drinking, cocaine, and political topics. He got fired for saying racist remarks about a women's basketball team, marking the first time anyone gave a shit about women's basketball.

Now? He has a ranch dedicated to helping kids with cancer, and found out he has prostate cancer himself. So don't you feel like a jerk now?


Next Game



After a real clunker against the Sharks, the Kings rebounded by having their go-to guy all season pick them up in the rematch in L.A. a few days later...Kyle Clifford. Jonathan Bernier looked good, and I'd expect him to start again and again and again, up until it's one start too many, and he gets shelled. Solid goalie rotation there, Darryl. The Coyotes who you know from losing in the 2012 Western Conference Finals to the Kings, and subsequently acting like PABs, are in town for two back to back games. Human butt-plug, Mike Smith, is starting probably.

Prediction: Keaton Ellerby finally fights Shane Doan, and Danica still refuses my Mario Kart challenge.

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